Thank you to Hide for the ko-fi~
Xie Zilu was a pampered child.
As far as he can remember, he had everything he wanted from the time he was born, just like the emperor of the world. As long as he wanted something, there was nothing he couldn’t get.
His mother was gentle and beautiful. His father was tall and dignified. His servants were obedient and sensible.
Although they were busy at work and were not always at home, the weekly family gatherings still made him feel like he was on top of the world.
When did everything start to change?
The day he came home early, pushed open the door to his third-floor room, and saw his mother in bed with another man.
He knew that man, a close friend of his father’s, whom he had called uncle, and who often touched Xie Zilu’s face at school, smiling and bending down to say this to him.
Before that, Xie Zilu had always felt that this uncle was a good and kind person. But now, he only felt that he was a beast with a faded skin, and underneath the skin was a dirty personality.
His mother had always been gentle and kind in his memory. But at this moment, she twisted her body with all her might, like a snake shedding its skin, as if her whole body was covered in cold, sticky scales.
Xie Zilu felt nauseous on the spot. He forcefully flung open the door and loudly demanded, “What are you doing!”
The two people in the room were not startled at all. They separated from each other as if this were the most normal thing in the world. “Zilu, be good. Go find the nanny to play with. Mommy has something to take care of.”
Although Xie Zilu was only five years old at the time, he knew exactly what they were doing.
He felt disgusted and wanted to vomit. Anyone who touched him felt like a snake, making his whole body break out in goosebumps of revulsion.
When his father came back, the sound of their quarrel echoed through the villa.
Xie Zilu stood behind the door, listening to his father’s hoarse and furious shouts: “Who let you bring someone into our home! Have I ever brought anyone back all these years? Do you know Zilu is still young? We agreed to keep our affairs separate, not to affect the family, not to let the outside world see, and not to let the child know…!”
His mother sat on the edge of the bed, smoking a cigarette, and said indifferently, “Zilu is growing up. How long can you keep it from him? It’s better for him to know sooner rather than later.”
His father couldn’t refute her. After a long silence, it seemed he acquiesced.
It felt as if Xie Zilu’s world began to collapse from that moment.
The world centered around him suddenly turned into a swamp where he was powerless.
His mother became more and more brazen, and his father no longer hid his actions. That uncle would still gently pat his head whenever he saw him, just like before.
Disgusting! Disgusting! Absolutely disgusting!
He roared, he cried, he chased and fought them. He smashed the things in the house into pieces, tearing his dolls apart.
But his parents still didn’t intend to change anything for him. In the endless quarrels, they grew colder towards him, and their weekly family gatherings became as lifeless as the dead.
Sometimes, when his mother faced him, the gentle expression on her face would turn impatient: “Zilu, you are still young. You don’t understand anything. The adult world is not something you can change.”
Xie Zilu once thought he was the center of the world. But now, he felt like just a piece of trash left behind by the world, living under a refined and beautiful facade.
Watching them act so proper at gatherings, he could only think of their dirty and ugly sides behind the scenes.
After his roaring achieved nothing, Xie Zilu learned to suppress his emotions deep in his heart.
But when you suppress for too long, a demon grows in your heart.
At a gathering, he forcefully stabbed his knife and fork into the steak, cutting it to shreds, and cursed with the most venomous words: “So filthy. Why don’t you just die? Wouldn’t it be better if you all just died?”
His father’s expression didn’t change. The next day, he arranged a therapist for him.
Perhaps the more one is suppressed, the more likely they are to develop a rebellious mindset.
The more he resisted treatment, the more unstable his mind became. He often woke up in the middle of the night, suddenly finding himself in the kitchen holding a knife without knowing what he intended to do.
His mother’s gentle eyes showed fear towards him, looking at him as if he were a monster.
When his father found out, he was silent for a moment, then said to him, “Zilu, you are grown up now. You can live on your own.”
The servants would whisper in private: “Does the young master really have a mental illness? Will he kill someone? Isn’t it true that mentally ill people aren’t held accountable for murder? So scary…”
Every time Xie Zilu heard these words, he genuinely wanted to grab a knife and kill those people.
As he grew older, he discovered that he was allergic to alcohol, just like that uncle.
He was calmer than he expected. Sitting at the dining table, he looked at his father and asked in a strange tone, “Are you sure I’m your son?”
His father didn’t respond, just sipped his coffee and read the newspaper.
The less response he got, the more a demon inside him threatened to emerge. He spoke with such force that his voice sounded distorted: “Have you done a paternity test? You play so dirty with her, shouldn’t you check?”
His father remained silent. He then used sharp words to provoke his mother: “Do you even know? Or are you confused about whose child I am?”
No one answered him; they just quietly watched him lose control.
The dining table was as silent as a morgue. Xie Zilu couldn’t control himself, viciously scraping the table with his knife and fork, shouting angrily, and kicking over all the chairs and tables.
His father gathered his newspaper and prepared to leave. His mother merely lifted her head indifferently, saying, “I won’t be home for dinner next week. You all can gather without me.”
Xie Zilu never knew that silence could kill a person. It was at that moment that he felt killed. The demon he suppressed in his heart would emerge when he needed it. At those times, he felt invincible, as if he were a god ruling the world, ready to eliminate any factor that did not obey his control.
He wanted to strangle the pitiful Xie Zilu who begged for a bit of attention. He wanted to keep only a strong and fearless soul.
No one in this world would ever hurt him again. He wouldn’t care about anyone. He would never have weaknesses. He would obliterate every weak soul.
Growing up with such brute force, he indeed became as powerful as he had hoped.
Until that video appeared.
Right before his eyes.
Haha, at school? They could do it at home, on the balcony of the bedroom, and now at school. Where else would they want to do it in the future?
At that moment, Xie Zilu truly wanted to kill. He wanted to kill all those filthy people who couldn’t be cleansed to their bones. He wanted to send the two people who brought him humiliation straight to hell!
But in the end, he couldn’t do anything.
He couldn’t touch them.
He could only go mad at Jiang Xi, at those who had seen that video, at the students in school…
It’s strange to say that he still hasn’t verified whether he is his father’s biological son.
Perhaps it doesn’t matter anymore. After seeing such a scene, even if he was his father’s biological son, his blood would have been tainted long ago.
Because his parents, one dirtier than the other.
The nightmare he had finally escaped and the empire he had built at school, were all shattered overnight by this video.
Xie Zilu even calmly thought, if that video really leaked, then he would take everyone with him to die, to go to hell together.
He knew he was a lunatic, a madman. The chief doctor said he was the most lucid madman she had ever seen.
Perhaps he had always been lucidly going mad.
When the anesthesia cloth was pressed against Xie Zilu’s face, it brought a deathly silence.
This silence was something he had experienced for over a decade in that household. Countless times, he had tried with all his strength to shatter that maddening silence, only to feel as powerless as hitting cotton.
Tai Yuan unleashed the demon in his heart, something he had always wanted to do.
Every punch landed solidly, breaking the skin and drawing blood. The once helpless feeling turned into a tangible reality at that moment.
Xie Zilu felt like a demon crawling out of hell. Hunched over, he reached out and grabbed Tai Yuan, who lay on the ground like a limp rag, and asked him with a sneer, “After watching that video, did you suddenly feel like you could lord over me? Tai Yuan, you dog’s bastard, you want to step on me, don’t you? Disgusting.”
His voice was soft, but the force in his hands was anything but gentle. With one punch, Tai Yuan, who was still gasping for air, fell to the ground with a dull thud, his breath cut off.
Lin Lan finally saw Tai Yuan’s face clearly. There wasn’t a single spot left untouched. His face was covered in blood, visibly swelling.
This could really turn deadly. Lin Lan tried to make his voice sound as calm as possible. “Xie Zilu, calm down a bit.”
Xie Zilu picked up the dagger from the ground and retorted, “I’m very calm. Don’t you know it’s not illegal for a lunatic to kill someone?”
Lin Lan tried to steady him with his voice. “Your illness has been cured long ago. You are no longer mentally ill, Xie Zilu. Can you hear me?”
Xie Zilu turned to look at him, then suddenly chuckled strangely and said, lowering his head, “You’re the first one to call me normal.”
But these words were far from enough to restrain the demon unleashed in his heart.
In his pitch-black eyes, Lin Lan saw the world crumbling. He frantically rubbed iron pieces against ropes, praying incessantly in his heart for nothing to go wrong…
Behind him, Tai Yuan gradually regained consciousness. He quietly grabbed the steel pipe on the ground and suddenly leaped up, aiming for Xie Zilu’s head.
Blood dripped down from where Xie Zilu covered his head. He seemed to feel no pain, wiping it off with his hand casually, kicking Tai Yuan to the ground, and then walking towards Tai Zhen with the dagger.
Tai Yuan behind him managed to catch his breath and exerted all his strength to get up. The three of them instantly wrestled with each other again.
Lin Lan’s hands hurt from grinding, but he was always just a bit too late.
He saw Xie Zilu being viciously stabbed twice by Tai Yuan, and his heart sank to the bottom in an instant.
All three of them were running out of strength, but it was clear that Xie Zilu was at a disadvantage. Tai Zhen and Tai Yuan’s stamina would recover sooner or later, while Xie Zilu would only continue to lose more blood.
Lin Lan’s fingers were numb from grinding. When he thought he couldn’t change the outcome no matter what, the rope in his hand suddenly broke.
He quickly freed himself from his hands, then from his feet, and rushed over to kick Tai Zhen hard. “You two beasts!”
Lin Lan’s sudden intervention reversed the situation. Tai Yuan’s first reaction was to kill Lin Lan, but he was too weak. Before he could swing the knife, Lin Lan kicked him over.
After knocking down the two brothers, he immediately helped Xie Zilu up from the ground.
Xie Zilu was really thin. Despite being 188 centimeters tall, he was easily lifted by Lin Lan. Without looking back, Lin Lan ran out with him.
Outside the warehouse, it was pouring rain, and there were no lights at night. They stumbled along, unable to see anything clearly, unable even to distinguish the direction.
Lin Lan dared not look back, nor did he dare to stop. He didn’t know if the two brothers were catching up, but he knew that if they wanted to survive, they had to get out of there.
Xie Zilu was as quiet as if he were dead. His head leaned against Lin Lan’s shoulder, crooked and skewed. The rain soaked his wounds, but he didn’t make a sound from beginning to end.
He could feel that Lin Lan was also very scared, just pretending to be calm. Even with Lin Lan’s arm around him, he could feel him trembling from time to time, a deep fear of death emanating from his bones.
If he dropped him, Lin Lan would probably run faster.
But Xie Zilu didn’t want that. He couldn’t help but hold Lin Lan tighter, feeling his body cold and his heart empty.
“Lin Lan, don’t leave me alone…”
“Don’t leave me.”
“Don’t…”
“Don’t you dare leave me…”
Like a dying person drawing warmth from Lin Lan’s body, knowing that once Lin Lan left, the fire would be extinguished and he would die.
Lin Lan was almost being strangled by him. But thinking that he had come to save him, and was stabbed several times, yet still couldn’t bring himself to harm him, he pulled him closer with some force. “You came to save me today. Being human means having a conscience. Rest assured, I will definitely get you out safely.”
He marched forward steadfastly under the pouring rain.
Miraculously, Xie Zilu calmed down as if by magic. Just moments ago, he had been so fierce, but Lin Lan’s voice soothed him instantly.
He leaned against Lin Lan, like a sick child, feeling something warm flowing into his neck.
Xie Zilu’s voice was slightly hoarse. “Lin Lan, do you also think I’m pathetic? Bullying you at school, bullying everyone, acting all high and mighty, but actually just a poor soul…”
Lin Lan was still figuring out how to respond when his neck was squeezed tighter. Xie Zilu’s body seemed to tremble, his voice filled with fear. “Lin Lan, please answer me. No matter how unreasonable my question is, please answer me… Don’t ignore me, don’t stay silent, I beg you…”
He didn’t know what had happened to Xie Zilu, but he could feel that he and Tai Zhen were fundamentally different.
“I’ll think about how to answer you,” Lin Lan said, supporting him while contemplating. “Actually, everyone has their own pitiful side. As long as you don’t feel pitiful yourself, you won’t appear pitiful. You care about what others think, and that’s why they can hurt you. As long as you are firm in your heart, even if they call you a poor soul every day, you won’t be affected.”
This was a lesson Lin Lan learned after being reborn. “Like me before. I cared a lot about what my fans thought of me. But later, I realized that I am who I am. I won’t become someone else because of their likes or dislikes. I don’t need to change for anyone. No matter how I change, there will always be people who dislike me. So, I might as well just be myself.”
His words quieted Xie Zilu down. He remained silent for a long time before speaking again. “I don’t care how Tai Zhen and they see me. What about you, Lin Lan? How do you see me?”
Lin Lan felt that Xie Zilu cared somewhat about his opinion. He wanted to answer cautiously. But it seemed that no matter how he answered, it never felt sincere enough.
“Xie Zilu, I know your secret. To be fair, let me tell you one of mine.”
