IRAJAS Chapter 83

“Our team…what’s going on?” Lu Shi looked at Lin Lan in the ward, “Has someone put a curse on our team?”

The ward couldn’t fit too many people. Due to limited space, Jiang Jin stood outside the ward with Lu Shi. Looking through the window, he said, “Is Lin Lan considering suicide again? Being a professional player is incredibly stressful. I’ve felt that way too. Last time, he swallowed pills. This time, he burned incense. What will it be next time?”

“That’s impossible,” Lu Shi argued. “Burning incense isn’t dangerous. Didn’t Xu Shengwei show the incense to the doctor?” As he spoke, he abruptly stopped.

He thought of something. Lu Shi wondered if Lin Lan’s condition was a side effect of previous medications he had taken.

Lu Shi quickly took out his phone. As Lu Shi was about to contact Xie Zilu, Xiao Shengjing came out from inside the room.

Xiao Shengjing’s furrowed brow finally eased a bit. “Lin Lan is awake. Could you please look after him for a while? I’ll go settle the fees.”

“Sure.”

Lu Shi squeezed into the room among the doctors who were coming in and out intermittently, “Lin Lan, you…”

He was still pondering how to express his concern when Lin Lan propped himself up from the bed. The first thing Lin Lan said was, “You didn’t send any inappropriate messages to Xie Zilu, did you?”

Lu Shi felt like he’d been caught red-handed, “How could that be? I came to the hospital with the team captain and have been waiting obediently at the door for you to wake up…” Sitting next to Lin Lan, he hastily deleted his prepared messages while looking at Lin Lan calmly, “What did the doctor say?”

Lin Lan responded calmly: “He said there’s nothing wrong with my body, just sleep deprivation leading to deep sleep.”

Sleep deprivation? Would sleep deprivation make someone impossible to wake up no matter how loud you shout? And Lin Lan’s training volume has never been particularly high, shouldn’t his sleep time be sufficient…

Lu Shi leaned in closer to Lin Lan’s ear, cautiously asking him, “Could it be that the medicine Xie Zilu gave you caused some side effects?”

“I just took the medicine back. I didn’t actually ingest it.”

“Well, then…” Lu Shi had many questions. But he didn’t know how to ask them.

He poured a glass of water for Lin Lan and sliced an apple, just like he did when he took care of him during his previous hospitalization for attempted suicide. As he sliced, he suddenly stopped and looked at Lin Lan, “Do people really see many different things when they’re on the brink of death?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I just feel…” Lu Shi didn’t know how to describe it, “I just feel like you’re different from before. Ayu said that when people are dying, they see through a lot of things, right? I just wonder, did you see something?”

Lin Lan took a bite of the apple, sinking into thought. He felt that Lu Shi had provided him with a very new perspective.

Both he and the original owner had died once. When on the verge of death, it wasn’t painful at all; it presented a state of release.

Death was akin to entering a boundless white realm filled with mirrors that offered glimpses into another kind of life in another world. One could freely interact with and select from these lives.

Upon passing, did the original owner also encounter this state?

Did he witness his past life and intervene in its course?

Two distinct worlds, two separate existences – at what juncture did their paths diverge?

As Lin Lan’s mind raced, Jiang Jin’s voice abruptly snapped him back: “Lin Lan, how are you feeling now? Do you still have those impulses?”

Jiang Jin’s voice and actions were cautious as if he feared upsetting Lin Lan.

Not only was he careful himself, but he also signaled to Xu Shengwei not to make a sound, leaving Xu Shengwei unsure where to place his hands and feet, standing awkwardly.

“Impulses?” Lin Lan didn’t understand, “What impulses?”

Jiang Jin patted Lin Lan’s shoulder with an expression that seemed to say “I get it.” He then began to recount his own past experiences: “I had a period like that before. Back then I…”

Through his description, Lin Lan could sense that Jiang Jin had indeed experienced depression. Perhaps with milder symptoms, so he recovered quickly.

At first, he tried to comfort Jiang Jin, only to realize in the end that the other didn’t need his comfort; instead, it seemed like Jiang Jin was comforting him.

“Hold on a sec,” Lin Lan clarified. “Why are you comforting me? I don’t have depression.”

“I know. I understand you, Lin Lan. Why don’t you try the method I used before? Like this…”

Jiang Jin’s persistent voice, though not loud, was high-pitched and gave Lin Lan a splitting headache.

Lin Lan, already suffering from a headache, tried to escape. But Jiang Jin continued talking: “You can’t escape when faced with problems.”

Lin Lan felt his head pounding terribly. He grabbed a pillow to cover his head, but Jiang Jin removed it, saying, “You have to open up yourself.”

When Lin Lan stood up, Jiang Jin stood up too. As Lin Lan sat on the bed, Jiang Jin crouched beside him with his eyes intently focused on him. With a sincere demeanor, he said: “Lin Lan, do you know about the breathing technique? It can alleviate restlessness. It’s about inhaling air into your abdomen until it’s full naturally, then exhaling it slowly and naturally. You can’t be impatient. This process has to be slow. You can’t rush it like this; you have to slow down…”

Lin Lan wanted to cry for help. Lin Lan desperately tried to convey a distress signal with his eyes to Lu Shi, who was amused by the situation and continued laughing.

Damn it.

Why did people always treat him like a patient?

Did he look like a mental patient?

…

In the doctor’s office.

The doctor who had just examined Lin Lan had received all the test reports. He put on his glasses and said: “From the examination results, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with his body. However, considering the current situation, there are indeed some abnormalities. Of course, there are many possible reasons for this, it could be due to the individual differences in tolerance…”

Xiao Shengjing interjected: “He used to be like this often. Unable to be awakened, as if his consciousness wasn’t in his body.”

“I can’t conclusively determine this state. Further examination is needed. Based solely on the physical examination report, the patient doesn’t have any issues. The inability to wake up could be due to individual physiological differences. Of course, we cannot rule out psychological factors. The patient also has records in our hospital’s psychiatric department. If you’re really concerned, you can continue treatment with him. However, my personal recommendation is to observe him for now…”

Xiao Shengjing felt that Lin Lan’s condition was off. However, the doctor repeatedly affirmed that there were indeed no issues with Lin Lan’s body.

Xiao Shengjing reluctantly accepted the explanation: “I understand. Thank you, doctor.”

“Alright then, you can proceed with his discharge procedures and settle the bill.”

After Xiao Shengjing left, the doctor uploaded Lin Lan’s medical records. At that moment, Xie Zilu’s phone also received a copy of the medical report.

Xie Zilu had been drinking all night and just woke up, still in a hangover.

He checked his phone, only to find another disheartening medical report. He tossed it away and headed to the bathroom to clear his mind.

As he splashed cold water on his face, he looked at his reflection. The redness from his intoxication had faded, leaving him with a haggard and unrecognizable face.

Suddenly, Lin Lan’s words came to mind: “The process of breaking out of the cocoon isn’t about erasing oneself but evolving into a stronger self. You are the same person; only when combined are you whole.”

Xie Zilu felt like he was going crazy, being influenced by such clichéd nonsense.

If he dismissed the idea of dual identities and accepted that there had always been only one Xie Zilu, then what was he?

What were all the efforts and struggles he had made over the years?

Determined to break free from Lin Lan’s sway, he stared at his reflection, repeating, “I’m right. I am not wrong.”

However, the reflection in the mirror blurred, making it impossible to see clearly. As Xie Zilu leaned against the sink for support, he slipped and hit his head with a loud thud.

…

In the room.

Lin Lan was on his third apple when Lu Shi came up and started complaining, “The queue downstairs for processing is so long. The captain probably has to wait for over an hour. The VIP channel next to it is clearly empty, but they refuse to open it to the public. The hospital is playing the whole capitalist game. It’s ridiculous…”

Lin Lan took another bite of the apple. This hospital was probably owned by Xie Zilu’s family. So it was no surprise they played by the capitalist rules.

As he bit into the apple, he heard a commotion outside the door. He looked up to see several familiar bodyguards struggling to support someone. The injured person also looked familiar.

Lin Lan paused chewing, “Isn’t that Xie Zilu?”

“Xie Zilu?” Lu Shi quickly got up and rushed over to take a look.

The person was surrounded by the crowd and couldn’t be seen clearly. Lu Shi even went up quietly to confirm. Indeed, it was Xie Zilu.

Xie Zilu’s forehead was covered in blood. Initially, Lu Shi thought he had been beaten up. Then he overheard the bodyguards recounting what happened, mentioning something about a “sink”, “drinking heavily”, and “not standing steady”. The more Xie Zilu listened, the worse his expression became. Blood trickled down to his eye, yet no one offered assistance. Xie Zilu couldn’t help but feel irritated: “Why aren’t you bandaging it? Are you waiting for the wound to heal on its own?”

“Pfft,” Lu Shi couldn’t help but laugh.

He rushed back to the hospital ward to inform Lin Lan.

Lin Lan was delighted by the news. “Xie Zilu got drunk and hit his head on the sink?” He quickly jumped out of bed, slipped on his shoes, and followed Lu Shi to take a look.

As the ward door was slightly ajar, they saw Xie Zilu seated on a chair.

He had lost weight since their last encounter, and his face was thin and drawn. His clenched jaw and pursed lips hinted at his anger and frustration, a stark contrast to his usual arrogant manner.

“Pfft,” Lin Lan couldn’t hold back his laughter either.

This immediately caught the attention of everyone in the room. Xie Zilu turned around and saw Lin Lan, his expression becoming even more sour, “What are you doing here?”

Undeterred, Lin Lan retorted: “What are you doing here?”

Xie Zilu instantly felt embarrassed, feeling like a stone was stuck in his chest. His eyes looked even more fierce, “Chase them away and close the door.”

Lu Shi outside the door was frightened. He quickly pulled Lin Lan away, “Why provoke him?”

“Isn’t it fun?”

“What’s fun about it?”

“Don’t you think he looked like a pufferfish just now, all puffed up?”

“Hmm, now that you mention it, he did seem a bit…”

Their conversation clearly reached the room, and Xie Zilu’s gaze grew colder and colder. He turned to look at the closed door, wishing he could kill Lin Lan with his eyes.

The bodyguard asked him, “Young Master, should I go warn them? Tell them not to speak anymore.”

Xie Zilu backhandedly slapped him, leaving a bloody palm print on his face, “Get lost.”

“Yes, Young Master.”

…

On the first floor, Xiao Shengjing finally got his turn after waiting for over an hour in the queue.

As he submitted the form, a VIP arrived at the adjacent counter. Before Xiao Shengjing had completed his formalities, the VIP had swiftly checked in and departed, their efficiency far surpassing his own.

Curious, Xiao Shengjing inquired: “How do you process VIPs?”

“You need to fill out an application and get our hospital director’s personal signature.” After completing the paperwork, the nurse stamped it a few times, and said: “Alright, take it to the second floor for payment.”

Xiao Shengjing went to the second floor to make the payment, only to find himself queuing again.

He took out his phone and messaged Lin Lan: It might take another half an hour. Are you hungry? What do you want to eat? I’ll bring you something.

Lin Lan was a bit hungry at first, but seeing Xie Zilu’s miserable state suddenly killed his appetite. He excitedly replied: I’m not hungry. Let me show you something funny.

Then, with a “snap”, he sent a photo that Lu Shi had just taken: Xie Zilu with a large bandage on his head, wearing hospital clothes, resting on a chair with a sour expression.

Lu Shi quickly grabbed him: “We can laugh about it ourselves. Why did you send it to the captain?”

Lin Lan: “Let the captain join in the fun. He’s one of us.”

Lu Shi: “You really sent it? If Xie Zilu finds out, I’m dead…”

Lin Lan: “No worries, he won’t know you took the photo.”

Lu Shi: “Then say you took it, don’t betray me.”

Lin Lan: “Alright, alright…”

On the other side, Xiao Shengjing opened the photo and zoomed in. But before he could see it clearly, Lin Lan retracted it.

Lin Lan was the type of person who enjoyed watching the chaos unfold: Xie Zilu got drunk and banged his head in the restroom. If you had come up earlier, maybe you could’ve caught a glimpse.

Xiao Shengjing laughed helplessly: Alright, don’t provoke him…

He didn’t know where Lin Lan got the guts to tease Xie Zilu like this. Back in school…

Back in school…

Xiao Shengjing suddenly paused.

In school, Lin Lan had suffered a lot of bullying from Xie Zilu. Now that he had regained his memories, even if it was a different personality, it was still the same body, so there should have been some influence.

But Lin Lan didn’t show any.

He wasn’t afraid of Xie Zilu at all.

Instead, he seemed particularly sensitive to seemingly trivial matters like official photos, live broadcast contracts, and public opinion, as if he had truly experienced online harassment firsthand.

Xiao Shengjing was somewhat distracted. He almost dropped the documents in his hand when a voice brought him back: “Sir, it’s your turn. Would you like to make the payment?”

“Yes, I’ll make the payment.”

Xiao Shengjing paid the fee and returned to the ward. He saw Lin Lan still fooling around with Lu Shi, behaving like he hadn’t grown up at all. “Where are Jiang Jin and the others?”

“They went back,” Lin Lan quickly got up, not looking like a sick person at all. “Captain, can I go back too?”

“Yeah.” Xiao Shengjing handed him the documents. “Your test reports show no problems. The doctor said to go back and observe for a while.”

“Great, let’s go back.” Lin Lan only heard the first part, ignoring the rest. He immediately got up to put on his clothes and shoes.

Lu Shi also began packing up. He was frugal, so he packed the remaining apples for Lin Lan.

Lin Lan refused, taking them out. “These aren’t fresh anymore.”

Lu Shi insisted, trying to stuff them back in. “They’re still fresh. I just bought them.”

“I tried them. They’re not crispy anymore.”

“If they’re not crispy, why did you bite them so loudly…”

Xiao Shengjing opened his mouth slightly, wanting to ask something. But seeing Lin Lan’s mind elsewhere, he ultimately didn’t ask anything. He carefully put away the documents for Lin Lan. “Are you all packed? I’ll call a cab.”

Everything was already packed, but suddenly, Lu Shi felt a stomach ache. “Hold on a sec, I need to go to the toilet.”

Lin Lan couldn’t help but remark, “Whenever we leave, you always need to use the bathroom. Yet at home, you never do…”

Lin Lan put down his backpack and sat on the edge of the bed. Suddenly, an idea struck him. He whispered mysteriously to Xiao Shengjing. “Captain, how about we go spy on Xie Zilu in the next room? It’s at the end of the hallway.”

Xiao Shengjing wasn’t interested in Xie Zilu. He kept a straight face. “Feeling better now? Still making fun of others?” Speaking of this matter, he couldn’t help but educate Lin Lan. “Why did you lock the door yesterday? I returned the key to you, right? But then you locked the door again, so nobody could get in. Why didn’t you leave the key to others?”

“I was wrong,” Lin Lan apologized first.

At that time, he didn’t expect Xiao Shengjing to come to his rescue, so he left himself an escape route. Subconsciously, he locked the door to avoid being disturbed.

“Captain,” Lin Lan noticed, “how did you manage to enter?”

Xiao Shengjing’s demeanor shifted uneasily as he avoided answering.

Lin Lan was incredibly curious. He grabbed Xiao Shengjing’s sleeve and followed up with questions. “Did you kick the door open with one foot? Like they do on TV?”

The more Xiao Shengjing didn’t answer, the more curious Lin Lan became. It was scratching at him like a cat’s claws. “There’s no way you could have kicked open that door, right? Did you call a locksmith?”

As Lin Lan’s face was getting too close, Xiao Shengjing tried to push his head away.

But Lin Lan kept coming closer, persistently. “Captain, you didn’t climb in through the balcony, did you?” He noticed a slight change in Xiao Shengjing’s expression when he mentioned the word “balcony”. Gripping onto his sleeve tightly, Lin Lan continued, “Oh, you really did climb in through the balcony? Captain, you actually climbed in through the balcony? Oh my, that balcony is really high…”

Xiao Shengjing’s sleeve was twisted beyond recognition, making it difficult for him to move even an inch.

Under Lin Lan’s relentless questioning, Xiao Shengjing eventually succumbed.

He pulled Lin Lan into his arms, pinching his cheeks to silence him. “Be quiet. Do you want everyone in the hallway to hear?”

Despite Xiao Shengjing’s effort to project authority, Lin Lan remained unfazed.

Lin Lan’s face was contorted like a pufferfish, unable to speak. He could only blink back at Xiao Shengjing. The situation became increasingly weird.

For some reason, hearing that Xiao Shengjing had climbed in through the balcony to check on him, Lin Lan didn’t find it funny at all. Instead, he felt a slight sense of being moved.

That balcony must have been very high, right? Lin Lan, who had a fear of heights, couldn’t imagine what Xiao Shengjing must have felt when he climbed over…

Xiao Shengjing felt uneasy under his gaze and let go of Lin Lan’s hand. “Next time, don’t lock the door again.”

Lin Lan promised, “There won’t be a next time.”

After nodding and heading towards the door, Xiao Shengjing paused and turned to Lin Lan. “Lin Lan, what were you trying to say to me last time? Can you share it now?”

Surprised, Lin Lan wondered if Xiao Shengjing was aware of something.

He searched his memory for the events of the previous day. He recalled securing his notebook before losing consciousness, and Xiao Shengjing was not known for being nosy.

“What thing are you referring to, Captain?”

Xiao Shengjing’s shoulders slumped, and he seemed a bit disappointed. He lowered his head, repeatedly rubbing the paper in his hand, remaining quiet for a while. “It’s nothing. I’ll go downstairs and get a cab. You and Lu Shi can come down together.”

As Xiao Shengjing walked away, Lin Lan couldn’t help but feel a sense of unease.

Suddenly, as Lin Lan was about to pick something up, there was a loud double knock on the door.

Xie Zilu had changed back into his own clothes, wearing a shirt with patterns and a large bandage on his head, sporting a sour expression that looked both funny and amusing.

“You’re staying in the hospital.”

Lin Lan didn’t reply, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and sizing him up.

As Xie Zilu attempted to smoke, he realized his lighter had been left behind. He inquired, “Have you eaten? I’ll buy you a meal.”

Lin Lan shook his head. “No. If I were drunk and hit my head in the bathroom, I’d find a secluded place to hide and eat.”

“Heh, that’s you.” Xie Zilu was accustomed to his way of speaking, like a wild cat that couldn’t be tamed.

He didn’t mind Lin Lan’s banter at all. He stands in the doorway blocking Lin Lan’s path, showing no intention of stepping aside. “I’ve been thinking about what you said to me at the hospital last time. I think you’re wrong. Anything without value or with defects should be discarded. If a malignant tumor grows, it should be cut off. Treating it as a part of yourself will only lead to your demise along with it.”

Xie Zilu was tall and thin, his frame slightly bent when looking down at Lin Lan, with sharp edges all over his body, as if nothing could dull him.

Xie Zilu’s intense gaze challenged Lin Lan. “Just like the ointment you gave me that day. It addresses the symptoms but not the root cause.”

Lin Lan didn’t expect that his casual remarks would lead Xie Zilu to actually contemplate them and come back to argue with him about a bunch of strange things.

He didn’t want to say much, but Xie Zilu wouldn’t let him go until he got an answer.

“Am I right or not?” Xie Zilu stared into his eyes, ready to let him go if Lin Lan just said “yes”.

But Lin Lan insisted on debating with him. “I don’t think so. Flawed parts should be discarded, but what if the flawed part is oneself? Do you want to be cut off and turned into another perfect person? Besides, humans themselves are imperfect. If every flawed part is to be cut off, what will be left of humanity in the end? Just two flawless pieces?”

Xie Zilu sensed that Lin Lan’s words carried a personal significance for him.

Just as he was about to get angry, Lin Lan continued with another wave of words: “Young Master Xie, I find your logic really dangerous. You know you’re allergic, yet you keep drinking. Are you trying to fight poison with poison, or are you planning to eliminate yourself as a flaw? Maybe you should try accepting your flaws. It might be better for you.”

Lin Lan forcefully jabbed Xie Zilu’s chest, pushing him back a step.

Xie Zilu’s breath suddenly became erratic, a violent impact hitting his heart. He glared fiercely at Lin Lan. “What do you know?”

“Why should I understand you?” Lin Lan shrugged indifferently. “You should understand yourself. Why do you always expect others to understand you?”

Xie Zilu’s eyes narrowed intensely as he focused on Lin Lan. The words Lin Lan had just spoken had struck a sensitive chord, leaving a throbbing ache in his chest.

He used to think that Lin Lan was just like him. However, doubts had now crept into his mind.

He felt that there was something unknown, uncontrollable, and potentially destructive, rushing toward him…

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