The smile on Chi Jun’s face was uglier than crying, mixed with too many emotions. Amidst the confusion, there was still some unresolved anger, as if he were lost. Yet, he still comforted his son, “Dad needs some time…”
Chi Feiran looked at his father like this, feeling his heart clenching.
He even began to doubt whether his decision to come out to his father was correct, but this hesitation was only momentary. He quickly reaffirmed his thoughts.
Silently, he sat beside Chi Jun and reached out to hold the hand that had just slammed forcefully on the table.
Chi Jun had always been pampered since childhood. Despite slamming the table so forcefully just now, his hand still felt numb.
Chi Feiran looked at it and found that the palm was all red, as if it had swollen a bit. It showed how much force had been exerted earlier.
Chi Feiran took out the first aid kit from the nearby cabinet, applied some ointment, and gently massaged it onto the reddened and swollen hand.
Chi Jun remained silent. From the tension in that hand, Chi Feiran could sense that his father’s mood hadn’t completely eased.
Chi Feiran could understand to what extent such matters were difficult for traditional Chinese parents to accept. So, when he was sure of his feelings and Li Yuan asked him about it, he subconsciously chose to avoid it.
But when it came to discussing emotional matters with his father, Chi Feiran realized clearly that the longer this dragged on, the greater the potential harm it could cause.
Chi Feiran had never felt any attraction to women until he graduated from university in his previous life. He thought he was slow in matters of affection. After all, his social circle was small, and perhaps he had never encountered someone he truly liked.
Now, in his father’s eyes, he was still young. Even if there were emotional issues, he probably wouldn’t think about lifelong matters yet.
But what about in a few more years? When his father started expecting him to get married and have children, it would be too late.
He didn’t even want to wait until he confirmed his relationship with Rong Jin. He felt that doing so would only drag an innocent person into the whirlpool of his family.
Liking Rong Jin was his own business. Maybe they would never have a definitive relationship, but that wasn’t the point.
The point was himself. He knew clearly that he might be simply homosexual. In this case, letting his family hold onto expectations of him getting married and having children would be a greater cruelty.
Chi Feiran gently massaged his father’s hand, and the scent of ointment spread between them, bitter, somewhat like the current mood of the two.
He spoke softly, “Dad, you can be angry. You can even reject it. It’s my responsibility, please don’t be mad at anyone else. No one led me astray. He… he doesn’t even know I like him.”
As he said this, there was a hint of melancholy in his voice.
Facing his father’s reaction, Chi Feiran couldn’t help but question himself inwardly. Was it really okay to come out to his family for a relationship that might never have a conclusion?
Maybe after a while, he would let it go. Maybe after being rejected by Rong Jin, he would wake up. Maybe he would meet a woman he liked, and just like many ordinary people, get married and have children.
But these were all “maybes”. He couldn’t deny his own feelings for those “maybes” that might happen.
Chi Feiran took a deep breath, taking in all the bitterness in the air into his chest. “I’m sorry. I know this is selfish, but… I really want my feelings to be blessed by my family.”
He had seen from his parents what it meant to have a relationship that wasn’t blessed by family, what the eventual result would be.
He didn’t want to go down that road again. So, even if it was selfish, even if it was stubborn, he decided to speak out.
However, unexpectedly, a drop of water fell onto their clasped hands. Chi Feiran felt a bit of warmth in the droplet, and his heart seemed to tighten for a moment.
He didn’t dare to look at his father’s face, his breathing trembling.
Chi Feiran closed his eyes, his throat rolled a few times. He knew that such news would surely hurt his family deeply. He thought he was prepared for it, but in this situation, he suddenly felt hesitant.
Perhaps, there were other choices?
Did it necessarily have to hurt his family? Wasn’t it?
Chi Feiran involuntarily tightened his grip on his father’s hand. His mouth opened and closed a few times, and finally, he opened his eyes, struggling, and slowly began to speak, “Dad, if… if it’s really hard to accept, then, then not accepting is also okay.”
He blinked quickly, feeling his eyes burning, not sure if it was from himself. Unexpectedly, they felt dry. He tried to steady his voice, saying, “I’m not necessarily going to be with him. I just… I just happened to like someone. I just… maybe can’t have a normal marriage and children like others.”
After saying this, it felt like something important had been thrown out of his heart.
Chi Feiran dared not dwell on it. He told himself in his heart that maybe this was for the best. In this world, not all lovers ended up together, especially when it was one-sided affection.
Chi Feiran realized that he wasn’t as brave as he had imagined. He couldn’t truly go all out for love; his family always occupied too important a place in his heart.
He suddenly felt somewhat fortunate. Lucky that his feelings for Rong Jin were only one-sided. Lucky that Rong Jin wouldn’t fade away sadly like a second mother in the face of family affection.
His voice was low as he made plans for his future, “I think, when I reach the right age, I can adopt a child, or, if you want, Dad, I can use surrogacy.”
Surrogacy procedures were already well-developed in foreign countries, and many same-sex couples had their own children through surrogacy.
He actually thought adoption was better, but perhaps the older generation preferred having biological children.
There were so few things in the world that were perfect. Chi Feiran could only do his best not to harm innocent people.
Before this, Chi Feiran hadn’t thought so far ahead. He used to think it would be best for the two of them to decide together in the future. But unfortunately, that possibility might never exist.
Chi Feiran lightly wiped away the still-damp water stain from his fingertip, “Dad… I’m sorry, for making you so upset.”
Chi Jun seemed to tremble all over. He reached out and held his son’s hand, his voice hoarse and almost inaudible, “Let Dad think about it…”
Then he let go of his son’s hand, stood up, and walked away quickly, not knowing where he went.
Chi Feiran sat in place for a long time, repeatedly asking himself whether he had done the right thing, but there was still no conclusion.
He didn’t know if his father would eventually come to terms with it. He could only firmly hold onto his own thoughts in his heart. At least, he wouldn’t involve other innocent people anymore.
Chi Feiran stood up, his steps heavy as he went upstairs. He didn’t waste any more time. He sent a communication request to his family in Country A.
This had become a routine. Whenever he had time, he would chat with his separated family for a few sentences.
But as soon as the video call connected, Xie Man, on the other side, immediately noticed that something was wrong with her son.
He looked very dejected, with red eyes, as if he had been crying.
Xie Man, like a protective lioness, suddenly became fierce, but when she spoke, she still tried to maintain the gentleness of a mother, “Ranran, what’s wrong with you?”
Edmund and Chris, who were originally talking on the side, waiting for their own time to communicate, also turned their attention over when they heard Xie Man’s words.
Seeing this obviously wrong appearance, all three of them immediately became alert and cautiously asked Chi Feiran what had happened.
Chi Feiran looked at the faces of his three family members on the video call, feeling even deeper guilt for his initial guilt. But what needed to be said still had to be said.
He thought it would be better to say it himself than for his father to relay the news.
In a solemn tone, Chi Feiran said, “I have something very important to tell you all.”
After Chi Feiran said this, the three people on the other side sat side by side on the sofa, their expressions serious, waiting for him to continue.
Under their gaze, Chi Feiran said slowly, “I’ve fallen for someone, unrequitedly.”
The three on the other side immediately thought of a child’s first love, still unrequited, and then thought of heartbreak…
Just as they were thinking of how to comfort him, they heard Chi Feiran say, “The other person is also a man.”
After hearing this, none of the three said anything. Xie Man’s shock and disbelief were the most obvious on her face, while Edmund and Chris also showed expressions of disbelief.
Chi Feiran opened his mouth, unsure whether he should repeat what he had just said to his father to them, or wait for them to say something first.
While he hesitated, Xie Man suddenly stood up with an urgency Chi Feiran had never heard before and shouted loudly, “Charlie! Get the plane ready to go to China! Right now! Immediately!”
Chi Feiran was just thinking that he had upset his mother so much, but then Xie Man suddenly leaned close to the camera, trying hard to speak gently, “Ranran, don’t be afraid, Mom will come right away. It’s nothing serious, just relax, don’t be nervous, absolutely don’t be nervous.”
Xie Man probably didn’t realize that she was the most nervous at the moment, but she still tried to comfort her child, saying, “This isn’t an illness, don’t be afraid…”
Her eyes were teary, but she held back from letting them fall. Edmund also seemed to have recovered from his shock and joined Xie Man in soothing their younger son, “Ethan, it’s not a big deal, although we’re a bit surprised, but really… it’s nothing!”
Chris was out of the frame, but his voice still came through, “Who? That Rong guy?!”
Xie Man and Edmund both turned to look at Chris, probably waiting for him to provide more information about their son’s unrequited love interest.
Chi Feiran knew that news about his feelings for Rong Jin couldn’t be hidden for long. But he didn’t expect the first person to bring it up to be Chris!
Chi Feiran was surprised, but he still emphasized, “I just like him unilaterally…”
Before he could mention that Rong Jin was unaware of his feelings, Chris interrupted, “Did he reject you?!”
Chris’s face was as cold as the Arctic winter, but it was unclear whether he was angry that his brother liked a man or that the man didn’t like his brother.
Chi Feiran whispered, “No… I haven’t told him yet…”
Upon hearing this, Xie Man felt like her heart was breaking.
Her Ranran was still so young, suddenly realizing that he liked a man, suddenly knowing that he was different from others, how scared he must be!
Edmund had to comfort his wife and calm his younger son; it was really quite a headache. Fortunately, their eldest son seemed to know what was going on.
Their eldest son, who knew what was going on, pursed his lips tightly and asked his brother, word by word, “Do you want him to like you back?”
Author’s Note:
Chi Feiran: I feel like something’s not quite right…
