Title: 不正经关系 (Improper Relationship)
Author：御小凡 (Yu Xiaofan)
Translator: K (@kin0monogatari)
Protagonists ：严海安 (Yan Hai’an – MC), 孙言 (Sun Yan – ML)
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Although he met Wang Yu in City S, after returning to City B, Yan Hai’an still did not contact any of his classmates. He had been hesitating to go to the reunion. But he didn’t expect Sun Yan to listen to some words that day and took it to heart.
Yan Hai’an opened the car door and got out of the car. It was the school reunion so the school was open to the public. It was not yet 4 pm and many people came in and out of the door. He walked in with the crowd and the sound of the radio came from the playground.
The students who passed by him were wearing the same school uniforms as before. But they looked more different than how he used to be.
There is only one high school time in one’s life.
It sounds strange. At that time, he had a love-hate relationship with this school. Maybe he hated it more than he liked it. Looking back now, the rest of his emotions were almost non-existent. Those intense emotions were just some teenagers’ melancholy. There was nothing special to them.
Yan Haian stood downstairs and looked around for a while. He then stopped a student: “Excuse me, do you know where Teacher Feng Yiqing is?”
The boy was used to being asked for directions today and pointed to another teaching building: “You asked for the dean? His office is over there. But I don’t know if he is there.”
Yan Hai’an thanked him and walked to the office building he pointed to.
Probably because of the school celebration, except for the classes, everyone else went out. So, the teaching corridor was empty. The dean has a separate office with its door closed.
Yan Hai’an knocked, but no one opened the door..
No one was in.
Yan Hai’an was quiet for a while. He then turned to leave.
A man stood not far away with a shocked expression on his face.
Ten years have passed. People have changed. But Feng Yiqing has become a little older. Maybe it was because of his position, Feng Yiqing’s clothes looked a bit old-fashioned. There are no wrinkles on his face. But his body has gained a little weight although he is not fat.
There was a trace of guilt in his eyes. But he immediately laughed: “Hai’an! Long time no see. I saw Wang Yu and the others just now. Why aren’t you with them?”
The tone is very familiar, with a little more superficial enthusiasm than before. He seemed to be afraid of what Yan Hai’an would say: “Wang Yu said that he met you before and I wonder if you will not come again this time. You haven’t come to see your teacher for so many years. Have you also seen the other teachers? Mr. Sun has already retired. He taught you maths for three years at that time.”
After listening to him, Yan Hai’an smiled as he said: “Mr. Feng, I just came back to see you.”
Feng Yiqing closed his mouth. His expression was vigilant and his smile faded: “I thought you forgot all your teachers. You never came to any of the class reunions. I still have something to do right now,. Are you going to wait for me?”
“No. I’ll leave after a few words.” Yan Hai’an was a little dazed. In fact, he didn’t think much about it when he came over. He didn’t even have a good comprehension of what he was going to say to Feng Yiqing. So he came over unprepared like this.
He still remembered the bits and pieces of the time when he was with Feng Yiqing. That Feng Yiqing seemed to be separated from reality. He was not the same person as the current one or even the one before that.
Maybe Feng Yiqing has not changed. He is just such a person. He is a little smart, has spiritual pursuits, and is very practical. He is cowardly and calculating. He has never treated a seventeen-year-old boy as an equal. When he likes someone, he can just enjoy the dedication of this love. When you feel that it is a burden, you should just cut it out.
It was Yan Hai’an who beautified him too much in his heart. But maybe the students always seem to have a good imagination for their teachers.
Yan Hai’an took a step towards Feng Yiqing and Feng Yiqing immediately stepped back.
His smile has completely disappeared: “Yan Hai’an, what exactly do you want to do?”
“What are you afraid of?” Yan Hai’an smiled, feeling really amused. “Actually, I never thought of using our ‘relationship’ to threaten you back then. For me, it was not something I can use to threaten anyone with at all.”
No matter what Feng Yiqing thought, to Yan Hai’an, it was a beam of light that illuminated him when he was in the dark. How could he be willing to betray something so precious?
Feng Yiqing seemed to want to turn around and leave. But he was worried about Yan Hai’an and didn’t move: “What are you talking about? I don’t understand.”
Yan Hai’an glanced out of the corridor. The trees in summer are always green and vibrant and the way the sun falls on them will make people think that they’re full of hope.
Was the sky also so blue back then?
He turned his head and said; “I know it was you who told everyone that I was selling myself at a bar. I knew it from the beginning. No one listened to my explanation. After all, I did work in a bar.”
Feng Yiqing’s face stiffened: “What evidence do you have?”
Yan Hai’an shook his head: “I don’t have any evidence. But you and I know who did this. Don’t worry, I didn’t plan to tell others. I knew at the time that it was very difficult for you to hide it from me when you communicated with Teacher Li. I was angry. But I wasn’t willing to do anything to you.”
Teacher Li was the principal’s niece. Feng Yiqing became the envy of everyone for a while, but Yan Hai’an was superfluous and unsightly.
Maybe this was the reason why Yan Hai’an would be expelled so quickly that year and he doesn’t know what kind of things Feng Yiqing told her.
“Have you married her already?” Yan Hai’an asked when he saw Feng Yiqing today, “It’s just that you’re a liar. For a long time, I really felt like hitting you back then.”
But he couldn’t do it. Even if he was so embarrassed and betrayed so ruthlessly, his pride still did not allow him to do the same despicable things as the other party.
“What the hell are you trying to do!” Feng Yiqing couldn’t listen anymore and asked sharply, “Don’t force me to find security to kick you out!”
“I’m here to say goodbye to you. I’ve hated you and myself for so many years. But I think enough is enough. It’s all over now. It’s no use thinking about it.” Yan Hai’an smiled slightly and lowered his head slightly. His eyes looked a little drowsy and tired, “Goodbye. I’m going to go and be myself again.”
After he finished speaking, he raised his head. His eyes were filled with light from the side, just like the youthful spirit of that year.
Feng Yiqing was stunned.
Yan Hai’an walked past him.
Feng Yiqing suddenly called, “Yan Hai’an!”
Yan Hai’an’s back figure kept walking forward. He had already turned to the stairs and he could no longer be seen.
He walked all the way forward, leaving the noisy crowd and the past behind him. He walked along the avenue of tree line to the school gate. He walked through his high school’s past, walked through the pain, and walked towards his present self.
Sun Yan was smoking with the car window open. When he saw him coming, he looked at him with the cigarette in his mouth.
Maybe Sun Yan already knew something, but he didn’t ask anything. Just like Yan Hai’an never asked Sun Yan about his painful memories. This is their precious tacit understanding and they never sympathised with each other.
Feng Yiqing was a romantic person and a literati who loves foreign poetry. Yan Hai’an once read a lot to please him.
For some reason, he remembered this sentence from a peom:
– At the end of the day, I stand in front of you. You will see my wounds and know that I have been wounded and healed.
Yan Hai’an got into the car and breathed a sigh of relief when he was surrounded by the air conditioner.
Sun Yan asked: “You’re done? So fast?”
“There’s nothing much to do.” Yan Hai’an suddenly smiled, “Let’s go home?”
Whether he admits it or not, he has lost too much because of Feng Yiqing. His heart was full of dust and there was still a pile of garbage left.
How can he welcome other people to settle in without cleaning them up first?
Seeing his relaxed appearance, Sun Yan raised his eyebrows. He took off his cigarette and threw it out: “Let’s go home.”
***
The beginning of the summer vacation heralds another round of peak season for tourism. But in July, City B was hot like being in a pressure cooker.
Yan Hai’an was waiting outside the train station, constantly looking at his watch. Obviously they should have arrived at 10 am. He doesn’t know why they are late.
Finally, the electronic screen showed that the train from S province will enter the station. Ten minutes later, the crowd poured out. Yan Haian cheered up and searched for familiar faces in the crowd.
“Big brother!”
Yan Hai’an raised his hand and waved it vigorously, while continuing to call: “Haijian! Yan Jin!”
With his ears, Yan Jin heard the voice first. But when he looked at him, he pulled his father over.
“Brother!” Yan Haijian burst into laughter as soon as he saw his younger brother, obviously very happy. He was holding the bulging woven bag in one hand and patted his shoulder vigorously with the other, “You’ve grown so much again!”
Yan Hai’an was also very happy and wanted to take over what he was holding. But it was avoided by Yan Haijian: “This is heavy. I’ll bring it.”
Yan Hai’an didn’t argue with him either: “Yan Jin is so tall in the blink of an eye. He was much smaller the last time I saw him.”
Yan Jin held a plastic bag in one hand and a duffel bag in the other. Without being infected by the enthusiasm of the adults, he pursed his lips and stared at Yan Hai’an.
Yan Haijian was a little embarrassed and hit him on the head: “Why are you yelling at people! Satisfied?”
“ItSatisfied.” Yan Hai’an saw that Yan Jin was a bit introverted and took the initiative to change the luggage bag in the child’s hand to his own, “Follow me. Let’s go back and keep the luggage first. And then I will take you out to dinner.”
The group squeezed through the crowd and walked to the parking lot. The SUV is spacious enough and the trunk can easily fit all the luggage. Yan Haijian sat in the co-pilot: “Did you buy this car?”
Yan Hai’an smiled and said, “No. It belongs to someone else. I just borrowed it from him.”
“Oh…” Yan Haijian didn’t know what to think. He showed an embarrassed look, took back his hands and sat down. But maybe because he was not used to the quiet atmosphere, he immediately said again: “I brought something for you to eat from home. Mom told me to get a can of douban’er sauce and left it for you to eat alone.”
They were catching the train all the way and they were carrying such a big bag of things. They must’ve brought a lot of delicious food. They were all heartfelt. Yan Hai’an smiled and said, “That’s great! I think about the taste of my home every day. I haven’t tasted it for years.”
Yan Haijian was relieved and laughed.
Yan Jin, who was sitting in the back seat, never tried to interrupt. He was only sitting by the window and looking out.
Yan Hai’an booked a hotel for them in advance. Originally, Sun Yan insisted on taking them home, but Yan Hai’an knew that Yan Haijian still had a big problem with his sexual orientation. They had not persuaded each other for so many years. The current situation is that his eldest brother can’t control him, but he definitely doesn’t agree with it. So he just drags it on in a pretentious manner. He can’t be too obvious with Sun Yan in front of Yan Haijian all day long to irritate people, right?
After settling up the two, Yan Hai’an went home to put some of his things away. Sun Yan waited at home without thinking much about it.
Sun Yan saw his big bag and hurried to help. He was so strong that he carried the heaviest two bags with one hand: “Did someone send this?”
Yan Hai’an nodded and took something out of the woven bag. Sun-dried peanuts, sweet potatoes, and walnuts. They are all packed in plastic bags, stuffed into most of the pockets. And there was also a large jar of bean paste.
There are so many things. He really doesn’t know when he will finish eating them all.
***The author has something to say:
At the end of the day, I stand in front of you. You will see my wounds and know that I have been wounded and healed. –“Stray Birds”
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Next update: 2022.08.01
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*Translator’s Note: There’s nothing pretty about Yan Hai’an’s past. But at least he has Sun Yan now. *sighs* -K
