IR Chapter 48

Title: 不正经关系 (Improper Relationship)

Author：御小凡 (Yu Xiaofan)

Translator: K (@kin0monogatari)

Protagonists ：严海安 (Yan Hai’an – MC), 孙言 (Sun Yan – ML)

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Yan Hai’an was still a little confused when he woke up. The residual anaesthesia made him dizzy, but he couldn’t suppress the pain in his body. He vaguely knew that someone was taking care of him, but he couldn’t wake up completely. He just felt uncomfortable and his mouth kept moaning meaninglessly. The man kept asking questions, moistening his lips for a while, making pillows for himself, without a moment’s rest.

In the middle of the night, his consciousness finally broke free from the uncomfortable fog. He opened his eyes and calmed down.

Only the two sleep lamps by the wall were still lit dimly. Yan Hai’an stared at the lamps weakly for a long time and stretched out a hand to block his eyes, preventing himself from staring at the light source again.

“You’re awake?”

It took Yan Hai’an a while to recognize whose voice it was. Just because the voice was too rough and it didn’t have the usual high-spiritedness at all.

He tried to turn his head. The usual movement was very laborious now. He shook his head very slightly and was slightly dizzy again.

Sun Yan trembled a little when he let go. He looked at Yan Haijian, who was sleeping on the cot next to him. He then bent down to approach Yan Hai’an: “Is there any discomfort?”

His voice was so soft. It sounded like it was wrapped in a thick layer of cotton. It was as if Yan Hai’an would shred it apart if he even breathed.

Yan Hai’an just felt weak and struggled to speak: “No.”

Sun Yan grabbed the railing of the hospital bed and asked again, “Are your lips uncomfortable? You want some water?”

Yan Hai’an didn’t speak anymore. He was watching Sun Yan taking a cotton swab and dipping it in the water from the paper cup. He then put it on his lips. At a glance, he knew how many times he had done it for him.

His eyes followed Sun Yan. After the other party was done, he asked with the strength he had saved for a long time, “Are you alright?”

Sun Yan’s movements froze. He frowned, as if he was enduring something. He turned his head away, refusing to let Yan Hai’an see his face. Yan Hai’an looked at him for a while: “Hello?”

Sun Yan’s cheeks were drawn into an obscure outline by the soft light and it looked very tense. His Adam’s apple also shrank slightly from time to time.

Yan Hai’an called out to him again: “Hello?”

Sun Yan still didn’t turn his head.

Yan Hai’an complained, “I’m uncomfortable not seeing your face.”

Sun Yan quickly wiped his face with his hands, took a deep breath and turned his face. He smiled at him. It was probably because his eyes were still red, so he smiled like he was crying.

Yan Hai’an took his hand out of the quilt. Sun Yan hurriedly put his hand back into the quilt to cover it for him. And then he held it again from under the cover: “Don’t move. You had just got better. Can’t you just lie down?”

Yan Hai’an’s wound continued to make him feel numb and painful. But his vision was clearer than before. He could see the stubble and dark circles on Sun Yan’s face: “How long have you not had a good rest?”

Sun Yan held his hand, tensing for fear of his pain. But when he loosened his heart, he felt uneasy. So he answered the question: “I just woke up. Does it still hurt?”

Yan Hai’an looked at him quietly. The joy of the rest of his life in his heart gradually passed and now he thinks about what had happened in the moment of the incident. The strange thing is that at the last moment of his life, what he felt was not fear. But it was a sense of fear towards Sun Yan. Towards his beloved and he has nothing else to think about.

A man’s feelings can really be so deep that they almost frighten him. This deep affection came out from the cracks in his bones, through the blood vessels, through the heart, escaped from the skin, and completely engulfed him.

Yan Hai’an didn’t know why but with that moment flashes in his eyes, he said, “It hurts.”

Sun Yan’s hand was tight. And there was a childish sadness in his eyes: “I’ll go ask the doctor to give you some anaesthesia.”

Yan Hai’an gently hooked his fingers with his fingers with little strength that he had left so that it would be enough to keep him: “Don’t go.”

Sun Yan leaned over obediently. There’s an expression on his face that showed he wished he could replace his body with him. With a cautious tone, he coaxed his beloved and asked, “What’s wrong? Does it hurt too much?”

Yan Hai’an raised his face slightly. His bangs fell, covering his brows, making him look several years younger. He smiled and said, “It won’t hurt if you kiss me.”

Sun Yan’s eyes looked so tender and heart-wrenching for a moment. He pursed his lips, showed a sad smile, and placed a kiss on Yan Hai’an’s forehead. His lips were chapped and chipped. It was evidence of not having a good rest.

“Close your eyes and rest for a while.” He stroked Yan Hai’an’s cheek with the back of his hand, “I’ll be right here with you.”

Yan Hai’an watched him sit down and stared straight at himself. It was as if he was afraid that he would disappear in the blink of an eye.

Sun Yan groped the back of his hand with his thumb and coaxed, “I’ll go when you fall asleep.”

Yan Hai’an felt that he had been lying down for a long time. And with the pain of the wound, it was a little difficult to fall asleep again. But it might be because his body was too weak or the atmosphere was too tender, it made him feel comfortable and safe. So, he fell asleep unconsciously.

He fell into a dreamless sleep.

After two days, Sun Ling came back from working abroad. Under the double coercion of him and Yan Hai’an, Sun Yan was finally willing to go to sleep but it was in Yan Hai’an’s ward.

Yan Hai’an recovered well and could sit up and chat with him. The two casually chatted about innocuous things. When they heard the sound of snoring, they invariably looked at Sun Yan lying on the sofa.

Yan Hai’an sighed: “How long has he not slept? I haven’t seen him sleeping in the past few days. He said he sleeps after I sleep. But when I woke up, he was always already awake.”

Looking back, Sun Ling said, “Who knows….”

After saying this angry sentence, Sun Ling was silent for a while. He then shook his head: “I think I should say ‘thank you’ to you. But to be honest, this ‘thank you’ is really hard to say.”

He held his hands in front of his abdomen a little irritably: “You may have heard that your life was in a critical condition after being dug up and rescued for more than half a month.”

His family has already told him about this. Yan Hai’an said, “I know that Sun Yan has been watching over me.”

Yan Haijian’s original words are that he had not eaten or drank for days and nights. Yan Hai’an could also imagine that. After all, Sun Yan was in that emotional state before he fainted.

“Yes,” said Sun Ling expressionlessly, “but you may not know that Sun Yan has written a will. If you die, he will follow you.”

The room was suddenly quiet.

Yan Hai’an closed his eyes and waited for the news to be digested in his heart.

“I regret now that I encouraged him to pursue you. You know, he has a very serious heart. I thought it was good for him to take this step, but I didn’t expect him to be so aggressive.” Sun Ling released his hands and stretched his fingers instead, “I felt desperate at that moment. Because I knew I couldn’t stop him. If a person wants to die, there is no way to stop them.”

Yan Hai’an opened his eyes: “Actually, during the time I was rescued, I occasionally became conscious. It wasn’t a very good feeling. It was very painful and I was very tired. I was so tired that I wanted to sleep forever.”

The hospital issued several critical illness notices and each time Sun Yan’s eyes saw them, his anger disappeared from him little by little.

“But when I think about the last time I saw him, I can’t let it go.” Yan Hai’an smiled slightly and looked at Sun Yan not far away. He seemed to have fallen asleep and made no sound.

With his back to him, Sun Ling didn’t pay attention and asked in a low voice, “What are you trying to say?”

“I love him,” Yan Hai’an’s tone was unhurried, showing indescribable warmth, “so I am willing to die for him. And I am willing to live for him. I have understood this. I hope that one day, he will understand it too.”

They stopped talking for a long time. Finally, Sun Ling had a complicated expression: “I hope you can teach him this.”

Yan Hai’an smiled and said, “Of course, I will. It’s a lifetime thing. I’ll take my time.”

He glanced at Sun Yan, who was still sleeping, and smiled.

After Yan Hai’an was discharged from the hospital, Sun Yan took him to the winery for self-cultivation. Yan Hai’an can concentrate on his cultivation without any disturbance from the outside world there. Although he himself thinks that he doesn’t need to spend so much for the trouble, the doctor said that Sun Yan should not be too tired within half a year. It was just that Sun Yan is facing a big enemy and he insists on strictly abiding by the doctor’s orders.

Yan Hai’an said that there is too much love in this life.

This time, at the winery, it is different from the last time they’ve been there. After all, they came to hang out last time. Not only can he not do any work this time, but he can’t even hang out. Self-cultivation is of course en-route for him but Yan Hai’an felt like he was about to be tied to the bed by Sun Yan.

To sum it up, he really has nothing to do for half a year.

Yan Hai’an was controlled by Sun Yan very naturally. He normally didn’t have any entertainment programs for himself and he didn’t even get to bed for the first three months. He suddenly felt that he had entered the old-age retirement life ahead of schedule. He had a healthy schedule in the morning, noon and night. He was very bored. But he had a different kind of peace of mind. He could see the end of his life at a glance and the opposite of that, was them growing old together.

Occasionally, he would think that it would be good to live like this all his life.

Some time later, the grape picking season came. The whole winery was busy. Yan Hai’an didn’t need to help, but he was infected with the vigour in the hustle bustle while watching.

The Mid-Autumn Festival happened to be just in the harvest season. This time, Sun Ling did not come to join them. He was fascinated with his business partners in China. Mo Yisheng was far away in Iceland and the postcards he sent included pictures of his new friends.

However, with a good moon hanging in the sky, it felt like the end of the story was at this time.

Sun Yan and Yan Hai’an were sitting on the European-style balcony. Moon cakes bought from China were placed on the white iron table and ruby-colored wine was flowing in the goblet next to them.

The distant scenery is committed to the hazy night, blurring a soft outline. The air seems to be rippling with the unique freshness and sweetness of grapes. The atmosphere gave them a sense of romance.

Sun Yan held the wine glass and shook it slightly. The aroma of the wine passed through the air. He took a sip and chatted with Yan Hai’an casually: “What did you read today?”

Sun Yan had to deal with various businesses during the day. After all, the winery was under his name, so he was separated from Yan Hai’an for a long time during the day time. Every time he came back, he liked to ask what Yan Hai’an had done at home.

In fact, what else can Yan Hai’an do in this ‘early retirement home’? Just browsing through the circle of friends on WeChat, reading books, and occasionally painting. It seems that he had broken free from the mould of adulthood and went back to his high school period. Which was scary but also simple.

“Reading Shelley’s poetry collection.” Yan Hai’an looked at the moon in the sky, raised his glass in a toast, and recited the verse he just read today, “And the sunlight clasps the earth, and the moonbeams kiss the sea.”

He turned his head with a smile. “What is all this sweet work worth, if thou kiss not me?“

This smile was flat, but in Sun Yan’s eyes, it looked seductive. Their eyes met and they were a little dazed for a while.

Where did it begin? Is it from the first moment that they saw each other and were annoyed by the other’s presence? Is it from when they confronted one another? Or is it from when one of them was drunk and drugged and they ended up touching each other in the car? Or is it when they were pumped with adrenaline during the car race and they ended up sleeping on one bed? Which of these moments was the beginning of them falling for one another?

They decided to start this relationship because their bodies were indulged in lust. They thought they had seen the fickle world and understood the variables of love. But after a long time, when they really held on to each other’s hand, they suddenly felt really alive after a long time. It was a feeling of immortality.

Just forget it. Why bother thinking of where it starts anymore. Things have already come to this point.

Now that they’re here.

After a long journey through mountains and rivers, through countless forks of fate… At this moment, it is no longer an accidental coincidence. But it was their own choice.

The moon in the sky seems to be gentle and complete as it watches the lovers kiss.

They are blessed by the moon for thousands of miles together.

***The author has something to say:

Can’t believe it ends today.

The length of this story is more in line with my heart. I will edit it when I am bored. There are still a lot of people’s affairs that have not been explained. There may/or may not be some side stories. But it will be mentioned. If not, just forget them hahahaha. I will not say more. My feelings for each character have been written in the text. The same is true of my own feelings here. See you in the next story. Although I haven’t figured out what to write for the next story yet.

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*Translator’s Note:

That’s the end. Thank you for reading my translation! My other translations are ‘Alpha Predator’ and ‘Winner Takes All’ by Shui Qian Cheng. Don’t be shy to DM me at discord if you have any translation request. I might start a new translation by 2023 after I complete my thesis. Love you all! Thanks a lot!!! -K

This is the poem read by Yan Hai’an:

The fountains mingle with the river

And the rivers with the ocean,

The winds of heaven mix for ever

With a sweet emotion;

Nothing in the world is single,

All things by a law divine

In one another’s being mingle—

Why not I with thine?

See the mountains kiss high heaven,

And the waves clasp one another;

No sister-flower would be forgiven