Halfway through the walk, Tao Ling slowed down. He lowered his eyes to look at the road and secretly reflected on why he had turned back. He finally conceived that, after receiving so many flowers, he should invite Wen Qingying to a meal.
With the excuse settled, he just happened to be in front of the beef noodle shop that he had been to before. Tao Ling looked up and saw Wen Qingying’s back, heading towards the other end of the street.
He wanted to shout, but as he opened his mouth, he realized that Wen Qingying wouldn’t be able to hear him. He raised a foot to follow, but before he took a step, a girl with short hair suddenly ran over from the side of the road, jumped forward, and grabbed Wen Qingying’s elbow.
It seemed like she had been waiting for him at the intersection for quite a while.
Wen Qingying’s posture was natural, as if he was used to being relied on. His other hand went around in front of him and patted the girl’s head. The girl smiled and shook her hair.
The backs of a man and a woman quickly disappeared at the corner of the street.
Tao Ling tightened his hands around the bouquet, stood there for a moment, then turned around and headed home.
It was clearly sunny during the day, but when the night came, it was so dark that not a speck of light shone through. Both the stars and moonlight remained concealed.
The globe amaranths were thrown into the basin on the coffee table. Tao Ling took a shower and stood on the study’s balcony, idly looking at the opposite building’s light, guessing what other people’s families were like.
The weather cooled down too quickly, and as he indifferently thought that the windbreaker couldn’t be worn for much longer, he fished out his phone and opened the school’s forum.
The post from before, calling Wen Qingying scum, had already sunk down.
The school was so big, and with so many people around, there was fresh news every day. No matter how scummy the flower store boss was, he had only set off waves in some sensitive hearts.
It didn’t interfere with anyone’s life.
Tao Ling scrolled down page by page, and only found the post on the third page. He didn’t look at its contents, just logging in on his phone, and using the username that was chuunibyou to the max, he succinctly commented one word—
“Scumbag.”
And immediately logged out.
After half a minute, he felt that he was wrong, this comment was wrong, and this behavior was completely wrong. He wanted to turn back and delete the comment, but it turned out that he didn’t have deletion permissions.
Fuck.
He impatiently tapped at his own comment a few times. He had a moment of impulsiveness, and feeling the need to add more, he hastily followed up with another comment. “That girl just might be his little sister.”
The OP seemed to be online, and seeing that someone replied, said, “Upstairs, are you schizophrenic? Saying one thing this moment and another thing the next, are you the boss’s water army and forgot to switch accounts?”
After a while, a somewhat familiar ID said, “This ‘left_hand_side’ person, we meet again. Let me just say, the one who’s paying the most attention to the boss is you, and so I’ll return your own logic back to you.1referencing chapter 14, when Tao Ling commented: “Excessively focusing on others’ lives is a manifestation of possessiveness. Is it not a bit abnormal to harbor possessiveness towards strangers?” You’re the one who is possessive of a stranger. You’re the one with the problem.”
After a moment of silence, Tao Ling turned off his phone.
Autumn wasn’t yet over, but his life had already been disrupted.
Before going to sleep, Tao Ling thought dejectedly. Lying on his back in bed, he lifted his left hand to look at the ring on his middle finger. He remembered what Tao Jun had said: pursuing inner peace is brave because we are making peace with life, but relentlessly pursuing a peaceful life can sometimes be a sign of cowardice.
That’s too biased, Tao Ling thought. Tao Jun was a very biased person.
Humans were far from the divine, and living a grounded life was so painful that one must have motivation. Some of that motivation might come from desire; fulfilling desires inevitably lead to boredom, but unfulfilled desires are the beginning of suffering.
Life was about making choices; one must always choose between pain and monotony.
Before meeting Wen Qingying, Tao Ling believed he had no desires, and thus his life was monotonous. Monotony was close to peace, and he needed peace. He was content to be a person without desires.
Because, as Tao Jun had said, he was a coward.
In the silence of the night, Tao Ling scrutinized his life, turning it over and over. Enduring the discomfort and even shame, he brought out and unfolded all his unspeakable thoughts. Finally, he confronted an unavoidable truth—
He had fallen for Wen Qingying.
Perhaps it was an illness, like cholera.
It was truly unfortunate. He was a coward, but he had succumbed to this illness. And it had struck so swiftly that he had no time to react.
The next day at noon, Tao Ling met Xia Chaoyang at the square in the city center. The first thing Xia Chaoyang asked was, “Didn’t sleep well last night?”
Tao Ling didn’t know how to respond, so he just gave a perfunctory smile. Xia Chaoyang didn’t seem to mind. He treated Tao Ling like a child and smiled indulgently.
This attitude irritated Tao Ling a bit.
After asking for his opinion, Xia Chaoyang found a Japanese cuisine restaurant. The two sat down face to face, and Xia Chaoyang handed over a bag.
“Thank you, Teacher Xia. I didn’t bring anything.” Tao Ling said.
Xia Chaoyang still smiled: “It doesn’t matter, I also just brought it in passing. I don’t know if you like it or not.”
Tao Ling took the bag. “Thank you, I’ll treat Teacher Xia to this meal then.”
The two didn’t have much to talk about, but that’s because what they really wanted to discuss was taboo.
Maybe because he was unsure of Tao Ling’s thoughts, Xia Chaoyang played it safe and stuck to topics from academic circles. However, Tao Ling had never been interested in those circles, so he responded only when prompted.
It was polite yet distant.
In the end, Xia Chaoyang said, “Has Tao shidi thought of going to other universities? S University is similar to your school. The religion department and literature department are both recruiting, and not just for administrative positions. You wouldn’t have any problems transferring. You already have a paper, and with some modifications, your doctoral thesis could be published as a book. Your academic achievements would be solid.”
Tao Ling initially wanted to decline outright, but when he thought of the recent events, he hesitated, and could only reply cautiously. “I haven’t thought about that for now.”
Xia Chaoyang asked sincerely, “You don’t want to leave Wu City?”
Tao Ling nodded, lowering his gaze, and accidentally looked at his hands. He found that the wedding ring he had seen just now was gone.
He finally said, “Tao Jun is here.”
Without showing any signs of losing composure as expected, Xia Chaoyang merely smiled faintly upon hearing the name. He said, “Well, it’s true. You two brothers have a good relationship. He’s said before that he’d do anything for you.”
There was a long pause before Tao Ling responded with a simple, “Oh.”
The meal was tasteless, and as they left the restaurant, Xia Chaoyang mentioned he had some other matters to attend to. They bid each other farewell at the square in the city center.
Tao Ling made a detour to the bookstore, intending to stroll back home afterward. However, with his hands full, he ended up taking the bus. It was just three stops to his home, passing by the west gate of the school. Tao Ling boarded the bus and stood facing the window on the right side.
As the bus approached the final stop, he could already see the flower shop from afar. Tao Ling tightened his grip on the handle of his bag, watching as Wen Qingying’s figure at the door grew nearer.
Just like when they first met, Wen Qingying was adjusting the position of flower bouquets in front of the flower rack.
Until that figure was about to disappear from sight, Tao Ling still couldn’t relax his heart. In the last moment, it seemed like Wen Qingying suddenly sensed something and turned his head towards the bus.
Instantly, their eyes met, and then, almost immediately, the person was completely out of view.
Tao Ling’s heart raced rapidly. He was certain that Wen Qingying had seen him.
On the way home from getting off the bus, Tao Ling repeatedly replayed that moment in his mind. Pondering too much, he suddenly became unsure.
Perhaps it was just an illusion. Wen Qingying might have simply shifted his head while doing something, coincidentally glancing over. It could be a matter of perspective, he might not have seen Tao Ling.
It was an illusion.
To stop himself from thinking about Wen Qingying, Tao Ling opened the bag given to him by Xia Chaoyang.
Inside was a simply packaged, large box, somewhat resembling a box of mooncakes for gifting.
Furrowing his brow, he opened it, and, when he saw its contents, Tao Ling froze for a moment.
