INS Chapter 31

“I have to properly live life. I can’t let my Xiao Ling become an unloved child.”

 

Wen Qingying moved his gaze from the book to look behind Tao Ling, where he saw the glass jar containing the broken vase pieces.

After a brief pause, he closed his eyes tightly and held Tao Ling even closer, burying his face in Tao Ling’s hair. One arm wrapped around Tao Ling’s waist while the other hand moved soothingly up and down his back.

 

Tao Ling cried uncontrollably, finally letting go of all his rationality. He poured out the pain and sorrow of the three years since Tao Jun’s departure and even all the unspoken hardships from his childhood.

He did this in the embrace of the person he loved most. Aside from Tao Jun, no one had ever allowed him to be so unrestrained.

Wen Qingying was his lifeline. He felt so stressed that he wanted to panic and flee, but in that moment, he provided the only pillar of support Tao Ling had.

 

After crying for a long time, Tao Ling’s eyes hurt so much he could barely open them. His head felt heavy and foggy, almost like a severe cold, but his heart had calmed significantly.

As rationality slowly returned, Tao Ling felt a bit embarrassed. He tried to pull away from Wen Qingying, but Wen Qingying held him tightly, gently pressing his head to keep it resting on his shoulder.

 

The intimacy of the gesture made Tao Ling nervous. He wanted to see Wen Qingying’s expression but couldn’t break free from his arms. After a moment of struggle, he gave up trying to control himself and hugged Wen Qingying’s shoulders and neck tightly.

Probably exhausted from crying, a sense of drowsiness began to wash over him. Tao Ling yawned and unknowingly rubbed his eyes against Wen Qingying’s shoulder. Sensing this, Wen Qingying carefully let him go.

 

As their eyes met, Wen Qingying’s expression remained pure, with a hint of worry between his brows. He looked at Tao Ling for a long while before gently touching the corner of his eye.

The slight itch made Tao Ling lift his hand as if to block it, but instead, he ended up holding Wen Qingying’s long and strong fingers.

 

After a while, they silently released each other’s hands as if nothing had happened.

Tao Ling turned to the table to look for his phone, but couldn’t find it despite searching everywhere. Wen Qingying stood there watching him. After a moment, he accurately lifted a book and handed Tao Ling’s phone to him.

Tao Ling smiled awkwardly, took the phone, and typed a line: “I’m sorry for losing control. Today is my brother’s birthday, and I didn’t handle my emotions well.” After a pause, he added, “Thank you.”

 

Wen Qingying read the message, then suddenly took his phone, gently placed it on the table, and hugged him again, providing a silent response.

The urge to cry surged again, but Tao Ling barely held it back, understanding that Wen Qingying knew everything.

 

Later that night, they sat together on the wide sofa, shoulders touching, sharing the same blanket. They didn’t speak and tried not to think about anything until they unknowingly fell asleep.

Tao Ling had a deep, dreamless sleep and woke up to find himself leaning against Wen Qingying, using his arm as a pillow.

 

In the dim morning light that felt like fog had settled in, Wen Qingying was still asleep. Tao Ling carefully turned his head, and his lips brushed against Wen Qingying’s neck on accident.

He quickly pulled away.

 

A couple of seconds later, Tao Ling adjusted his position and turned to see the study door still wide open. Light gradually transitioned from the balcony to beneath him.

“Morning, Wen Qingying,” he whispered as he got off the sofa.

About ten minutes later, Wen Qingying woke up.

 

With his eyes too swollen, Tao Ling took a half-day off. Wen Qingying left around noon, having arranged dinner plans with Tao Ling for the evening.

After work, Tao Ling arrived at the flower shop, smelling a delicious aroma before he even stepped inside. He saw Wen Qingying serving rice, which turned out to be clay pot rice made with a rice cooker.

Wen Qingying smiled at the look of surprise on Tao Ling’s face.

 

After the heavy rain, the weather finally cooled down. The sycamore trees at the street corner looked weathered, with the last remnants of green fading away.

On Friday, the attendance in the lecture was sparse, with only half the classroom occupied. After the bell rang, Tao Ling, on a whim, announced a roll call.

As soon as he spoke, the students below quickly pulled out their phones.

 

Wen Qingying saw this and smiled. Tao Ling glanced at him, pretending to be casual, and said, “Don’t notify your classmates to come. From now on, anyone who comes in has to report their name, and anyone who arrives late will be marked absent. I’ll draw lots later. Those who weren’t called on and aren’t here can be considered lucky. Those who weren’t called on but got here late are unlucky.”

 

“Those who come will definitely face the consequences, while those who don’t have a fifty-fifty chance of escaping. Your choice.”

The classroom erupted in laughter.

 

Tao Ling spoke with a blank expression, almost cold. Wen Qingying watched him intently, but his mind wandered to Tao Ling’s private smiles.

However, since that day, he found himself thinking more about Tao Ling’s tears.

 

On the stage, Tao Ling continued calling names. A few brave souls tried to sneak in through the back door, but he called out each one, asking for their student numbers and names. After that, no one dared use being late as an excuse.

“Alright, let’s begin the lecture,” he announced.

 

Wen Qingying sat quietly in the corner, feeling his phone vibrating persistently in his pocket. He didn’t need to check to know who it was and what they would say.

After a long while, he took out his phone to turn it off and continued watching Tao Ling teach.

 

Above him, a light happened to shine down, enveloping him from head to toe in a soft, luminous glow.

Whenever Tao Ling’s gaze swept over him, his heart would jolt with a surprise that felt almost electric. He couldn’t understand why someone like Wen Qingying existed in this world.

 

“From empirical evidence, James suggested that the consensus among different religions is the presence of unease. The existence of religion seeks to address this unease. Phenomenology of religion, which focuses on fundamental experiences, also posits that people in religious contexts constantly seek sacred liberation. If we look at the formation of the Shangqing Daoist tradition during the Chinese medieval period, we see these religious characteristics consistently.”

 

“The expansion of the Xiwangmu belief system, the integration of various deities, all aimed to establish a sacred order amid chaos, thus addressing the existential unease of people.”

“In other words, in my own research, I’ve always used the theory of personal religion to understand Daoism, because Daoism similarly concerns itself with individual fate. To facilitate understanding, we can use a more Western religious term—redemption.”

 

As the class neared its end, while Tao Ling was speaking, Wen Qingying suddenly flipped to the last page of his notebook and wrote a sentence:

“I want to seek a direct connection with you, hoping to resolve my anxiety about life.”

 

That evening, after chatting as usual, they each went home. Remembering that Wen Qingying didn’t open the door on Saturdays, Tao Ling went out after getting up at noon the next day.

He wandered to the front of the flower shop, and sure enough, the door was closed.

 

Feeling dejected, he went back home. With nothing to do, Tao Ling opened the school forum he hadn’t checked in a long time, looking to see if there were any posts about Wen Qingying. After scrolling down two pages, he indeed saw a title— “The Ins and Outs of the Flower Shop Owner and Me.”

Tao Ling: “…”

 

He clicked on the post, and the OP said, “He said he would ride a colorful cloud to marry me.”

Tao Ling didn’t know whether to cry or laugh and kept reading, suddenly noticing a comment: “I asked him if he had a girlfriend when I went to buy flowers the other day. He said he has a lover.”

The next comment said, “What? Married?”

The rest of the thread was filled with random guesses and speculations.

 

Tao Ling kept looking at that particular comment.

No girlfriend but has a lover, what does that mean? Is he saying that to avoid being pursued?

After thinking about it and feeling bored, Tao Ling decided to ask directly next time. Since they were friends, asking shouldn’t be a problem.

 

On Sunday, after lunch, Tao Ling decided to go out for a walk again, following his usual route to work. When he got there, he was stunned.

A group of people gathered in front of the flower shop, pointing and talking about something. Sensing something was wrong, he hurried forward and found that the shop had been vandalized.

There were broken porcelain pieces everywhere, various flowers scattered around, covered in mud and water. Even the glass door was half shattered.

 

Tao Ling pushed through the crowd. There was no one in the flower shop.

He stepped forward into the shop to confirm and found there was hardly any place to step without crushing flowers. He hurriedly propped up a pot of evergreen, turned, and asked the people outside, “Where’s the owner?”

Someone shook their head, “No idea.”

Another person said, “Seems like he went after the troublemakers.”

 

With the crowd at the shop entrance buzzing with speculation, making it hard to hear, Tao Ling immediately wanted to call Wen Qingying. He took out his phone and froze.

It was only then that he realized, despite knowing him for so long, he didn’t have Wen Qingying’s contact information.

 

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TL: Aaaand this is the last of the free chapters. If you can, please try to support the author by buying chapters on JJWXC!

Also, the next chapter is a giant 3-in-1 with a character count of 10k (5x the normal amount), so I’ll have to split it back up into 3 or more over the next few weeks. Thanks for understanding 🙂