The meaning of that teacher’s words was self-evident. Throughout that entire afternoon meeting, he was absent-minded, except when he had to review the papers he read.
At around 6 in the evening, the meeting ended.
After taking a group photo, the teachers gathered in groups of two or three to chat. While no one was paying attention, Tao Ling left the meeting room and immediately called Kou Huai.
Kou Huai picked up the call and asked, “Is the meeting over?”
“Shixiong,” Tao Ling asked as he walked out of the building, “Did you tell Xia… Teacher Xia about my paper being rejected?”
Kou Huai said doubtfully, “No.” He paused for a few seconds and added, “It’s possible that I did, but I forgot. I talk to him about anything, so maybe it just slipped.”
Tao Ling sighed, “My paper was rejected, but then the journal sent a notice of acceptance. Did Teacher Xia help me with connections?”
The other end didn’t reply for a long time. Tao Ling understood and said, “I’ll tell the editor now that I won’t publish that paper.”
“Don’t be impulsive,” Kou Huai was determined. “I didn’t tell you because I knew you wouldn’t want to do this. And what are you saying now? The journal has already entered the typesetting stage. You say you want to withdraw the paper, but if it really was withdrawn, you won’t be able to publish in that journal again. How difficult is it to publish a good core paper? What do you want to do by cutting off your own path?”
“I don’t care,” Tao Ling said. “I can’t accept Xia Chaoyang helping me gain connections.”
Kou Huai asked, “What’s wrong with you, Tao Ling? Your withdrawal wouldn’t be just your problem. Where are you going to let the editor find high-quality drafts to fill the blank spot? Listen carefully, high-quality! High-quality! Who would want your manuscript if its quality isn’t up to standard? Would such a good journal have nothing to do except destroy its own reputation for personal favors?”
Tao Ling rubbed his temples and turned down a quieter path to avoid bumping into people who were in the meeting.
“How old are you, Tao Ling? You’ll be thirty after the new year; haven’t you seen reality by now?” Kou Huai asked, “Do you live in vacuum-sealed glass? You just have to let yourself fall into oblivion?”
Tao Ling didn’t answer, and he continued, “Or do you have some opinions about Xia Chaoyang? Come on, say it. I’ll go tell him immediately, so that he’ll stay away from you from now on. I’ll also never mention you in front of him again.”
Tao Ling took a deep breath. “Shixiong, there are some things you don’t know.”
After saying this, there wasn’t a response from the other side for a long time. Tao Ling suddenly realized something, and asked in surprise, “Shixiong?”
Kou Huai sighed. “After having dinner with you that day, he always seemed a little off. Not long after, he got seriously ill. He said that he got caught in the rain, and the fever kept getting worse. After he finally got better, I heard that he wanted to divorce and had a big argument with his wife. They were usually a model couple, the kind who respected each other like guests.”
Tao Ling was stunned and listened as Kou Huai continued, “Later, I went to drink with him. After he drank a lot, I finally understood. He said that if he had known that it would be so easy to break up, he never would’ve let go.”
While thinking silently, Tao Ling said, “What’s the point of saying this now?”
“It’s useless, and he didn’t have to help you. He said that he doesn’t have the mindset of making up for regrets now. He just felt that, after living for more than thirty years, he had been muddled for more than half his life and now wanted to live a sober life.”
Kou Huai said, “Shidi, listen to me. He didn’t help you with connections, it was really through your own efforts. But sometimes, it’s useless to just strive for success. The power is also in the hands of others, do you understand?”
Tao Ling closed his eyes tightly, his voice hoarse, “Then I’ll hang up first, shixiong.”
“Send me a message if there’s anything,” Kou Huai responded with understanding.
After hanging up, Tao Ling looked around, and just as he walked to a playground, he saw that the street in front of him extended to a side entrance.
Looking at the map, the side entrance was the furthest path to the hotel, but he still walked forward along the sidewalk.
Through the wire fence, Tao Ling turned his head and saw that the playground had become lively.
Some people were walking, and some were running. There was an old man hanging on the horizontal bar, wearing only a thin layer of sportswear even in the winter. There were also people practicing throwing cocktail shakers on the grass next to him, probably from a bar near the school.
Tao Ling gathered the collar of his coat and regretted not wearing a scarf. He looked up and felt that it was going to snow, and it was almost dark.
It made people think of Lan Yu1according to Google, a 2001 gay-themed Hong Kong-Mainland Chinese film set in Beijing. Ngl, the summary makes it sound… questionable: On the cusp of middle age, Chen Handong has known little but success all his life. The eldest son of a senior government bureaucrat, he heads a fast-growing trading company and plays as hard as he works. Few know that Handong’s tastes run more to boys than girls. Chen develops a relationship with a young boy named Lan Yu that goes farther than he ever wanted it to. . The second time that Chen Handong saw Lan Yu was also in such snowy weather. The tough man took off his scarf and wrapped it around the youth’s neck. The youth had a pair of clear doe eyes.
He was just casually thinking about it when he unknowingly exited the school gate. This gate led to an alley that was much quieter and emptier than the other gates. Tao Ling looked at the ground as he walked forward, but was blocked by a person.
Tao Ling absent-mindedly moved to the side, but the person also moved with him.
Tao Ling thought “so annoying,” then frowned and looked up, and met a pair of clear eyes.
Wen Qingying raised the corner of his mouth and showed his little canine teeth when he met his gaze.
Tao Ling’s frown relaxed immediately. He was extremely surprised and stared at Wen Qingying in a daze. Wen Qingying’s smile pulled him out of his bad mood almost immediately.
Again, he felt that he was indeed just a commoner. So ordinary that it was unbearable.
Because he was emotionally affected, he felt that Wen Qingying was the fire that drove away the darkness of people.
Who was the first genius to compare their beloved to light?
At this moment, Tao Ling was willing to be the fool who copied the words of others. To hell with cliches. He wanted to compare Wen Qingying to the flame of glory, to the bright light of the moon, to hope, and to the sun that Kuafu2according to Google, a giant in Chinese mythology who wished to capture the Sun could never catch up with.
His heart was surging, but his face was expressionless. Wen Qingying was unaware of this throbbing.
The two stood facing each other for a moment, and suddenly there was a flash of white in front of them. Tao Ling looked up and was stunned.
It was snowing.
The snow fluttered under the streetlights that had been turned on in advance. Just like the pear blossoms blown by the wind last spring, just like the movie scene he had just thought of.
This coincidence was too shocking, and Tao Ling was completely unable to react. After a while, he lowered his head and looked at Wen Qingying, his expression still confused.
Catching his gaze, Wen Qingying smiled, and after a moment, he suddenly raised his hand to untie his scarf and handed it to Tao Ling.
Tao Ling was stunned and stretched out his hand to block it. Wen Qingying supported his hand stubbornly and blinked, as if begging. Tao Ling had to lower his hand and let him put the scarf on him.
Wen Qingying wore a black down jacket with a hood. After arranging the scarf and seeing that Tao Ling seemed to be worried about him, he immediately zipped it up to the top, even hiding his chin. The smile in his eyes deepened.
Tao Ling also smiled and mouthed, “Let’s go.”
They walked to a hot pot restaurant. Tao Ling took Wen Qingying’s arm and pointed at the store, and the two of them went in and sat down.
After ordering some food, Tao Ling finally remembered to ask him, “How do you know which entrance I came out of?”
Wen Qingying smiled happily and replied, “I took a gamble. I’ve been to this school before. I thought that sir probably didn’t want to run into other teachers. The other entrances were all close to the parking lot, making it easier to call a taxi, except for this one.”
Tao Ling gave him a thumbs up.
The two of them lowered their heads and sent messages to each other, just like friends who eat together but play with their phones separately. It wasn’t uncommon to see that everywhere, but sometimes when they talk about something tacitly, they couldn’t help but look up and smile at each other.
Sitting by the window, Tao Ling turned his head to look outside.
The snow didn’t seem to be falling heavily, and it was still fluttering gracefully and finely like before. Through the thick glass, there was an illusion of being out of this world.
The figure of Wen Qingying was reflected on the glass window. He had taken off his coat and wore a brown sweater. The sweater wasn’t loose, so it showed the lines of his smooth arms and a sense of strength.
The profile of his face was perfect, and his silhouette seemed like it was clearly drawn countless times. At times, it would look unfamiliar, making people want to stick their eyes to it forever.
While he watched, Wen Qingying suddenly turned his head, and the two looked at each other through the glass. Their eyes met. They each smiled, suppressed their hearts, and looked away without a trace to glance at the snowy landscape.
Tao Ling was pretty much satisfied. At this moment, he felt that he had nothing else to ask for.
After dinner, they walked around the neighborhood and returned to the hotel room. Wen Qingying walked in front of him. Tao Ling stood at the entrance, then touched his scarf and sighed, but finally took it off.
After they each took a shower, they lay down and discussed the next day’s schedule on their phones. Tao Ling said he wanted to visit Tsinghua University and Peking University, but Wen Qingying responded, “Sir, can we not go?”
Usually, when the two of them were together, as long as Tao Ling said to do something, Wen Qingying never said no. This was the first time he has rejected Tao Ling’s proposal.
Tao Ling thought that it might be because of his past studies, and while blaming himself, he replied, “Okay, then should we find a garden to visit? Or go to the Great Wall?”
In the end, they agreed to go to the Summer Palace first.
In fact, it didn’t matter where they went. Tao Ling thought, Wen Qingying can go wherever he wants, and it’s okay if he also doesn’t want to go.
After saying good night to each other, Tao Ling closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but all he could think of was the evening scene in the snow. Finally, he simply turned sideways with his eyes open, looking at Wen Qingying in the dark.
After a while, he suddenly found that Wen Qingying was also awake.
A few minutes later, Wen Qingying took out his phone and sent a message: “Sir, can’t you sleep?”
Tao Ling: “Yeah, you can’t sleep either?”
Wen Qingying: “I can sleep, but I don’t want to sleep,”
Tao Ling: “Hmm?”
Wen Qingying: “Why can’t you sleep?”
Tao Ling: “It’s an old problem.”
Wen Qingying: “Thinking about a lot of things?”
Tao Ling: “Not all, sometimes I can’t catch my thoughts.”
Wen Qingying smiled: “You fell asleep faster than me last night.”
Seeing him say this, Tao Ling was also a little surprised. Although he had a shock last night, he did sleep well. After thinking about it, he wrote: “Yes, it’s strange.”
Wen Qingying: “Is it because there is someone next to you that makes you feel safer?”
Why did they discuss the issue of safety? Tao Ling never attributed his insomnia to this. Hearing Wen Qingying say this, he suddenly felt a little embarrassed, as if he were so weak.
“Sir, I said something wrong.” Wen Qingying sent another message.
Tao Ling: “No, I was just thinking about myself. What about you? What do you mean by not wanting to sleep?”
Wen Qingying: “Will you laugh at me if I say it?”
Tao Ling: “Why should I laugh at you?”
Wen Qingying wrote and deleted for a while before saying: “I’ll be laughed at. Although you said you wouldn’t laugh, I’m afraid you will laugh in your heart. Sir, I won’t say it. I won’t tell you this.”
For some reason, the last sentence suddenly had a sense of anger, and Tao Ling smiled.
Wen Qingying continued to send: “Look, you smiled before I even said anything.”
Tao Ling laughed unscrupulously, sighed at the ceiling, put down his phone, and said, “Oh, you’re too cute. It’s so boring to hold an academic conference in front of a group of teachers. Apart from talking about papers seriously, talking about it is all boring to the extreme. It’s still interesting to talk to you.”
After a while, Wen Qingying sent another message: “Sir, since we can’t sleep anyways, let’s play a game.”
Tao Ling: “Play what?”
Wen Qingying: “How about drawing the middle finger3I’m actually not too sure what it’s referring to?”
Tao Ling’s heart trembled, and Wen Qingying’s next message came: “Sir, do you want to play?”
