LTJWHPB Chapter 1

01

One day, an assassin without pants was caught in the mountain villa.

 

Young Master: What’s going on?

 

Guard: This person has been lurking in the villa for half a month.

 

Young Master: How come no one noticed?

 

Guard: He lived and ate with the servants, and played mahjong at night. The servants, finding him easy to deceive them, covered for him. Just now, he discovered the servants were cheating, fought them, and was exposed.

 

Young Master: …Why isn’t he wearing pants?

 

Little Tangmen, in anger: I lost them all! Don’t you teach your servants better? Such bad gambling!

 

 

02

In the dungeon.

 

Young Master: Aren’t you an assassin?

 

Little Tangmen: Yes.

 

Young Master: Then why didn’t you try to kill me, instead of hiding and playing mahjong?

 

Little Tangmen: I’ve never killed anyone. I only practised on wooden dummies or played mahjong.

 

Young Master, stunned: …What exactly are you here for?

 

Little Tangmen: I was forced. Tang Sect disciples must complete a mission after finishing their training.

 

Young Master, with a smile: To kill me?

 

Little Tangmen, naively nodding: Yes.

 

Young Master, opening his arms: Come on then.

 

Little Tangmen, impatient: I told you, I only practised on wooden dummies.

 

Young Master, holding back laughter: Never on people?

 

Little Tangmen: Why do you speak so strangely? If you want to kill or mutilate me, just do it quickly.

 

Young Master, pondering: Who said I’m going to kill you?

 

Little Tangmen: Then I’m leaving.

 

Young Master: Where to, without your pants?

 

Little Tangmen: Then let them return my pants.

 

Young Master: No.

 

Little Tangmen: …

 

 

03

Young Master: If I hadn’t caught you, what were you planning to do? You couldn’t stay in the villa forever, right?

 

Little Tangmen, innocently: Why not?

 

Young Master: …

 

Little Tangmen: Your chef cooks really well, just not spicy enough for my taste.

 

Young Master, instructing a servant: Make his prison food spicier.

 

Little Tangmen, sincerely: Thank you.

 

Young Master, with a half-smile: You’re welcome.

 

Little Tangmen: Really not giving my pants back? The dungeon is cold.

 

Young Master, instructing a servant: Bring him a stove, make it nice and warm.

 

Little Tangmen: …

 

 

04

Everyone knew that the young master of the Hidden Sword Villa had a pet in the dungeon.

 

Young Master: How was his behaviour today?

 

Servant: Reporting to Young Master, he’s craving spicy boiled fish.

 

Young Master: Order the kitchen to make it, with extra spice. Anything else?

 

Servant: Reporting to Young Master, he wants to play mahjong.

 

Young Master: Take two people to play with him, and let him win. Anything else?

 

Servant: Reporting to Young Master, he wants to wear pants.

 

Young Master: No.

 

 

05

After a busy day, the Young Master happily heads to the dungeon for a ‘date’.

 

Little Tangmen was enjoying spicy beef jerky and playing mahjong beside the warm stove.

 

Young Master dismissed the servants.

 

Little Tangmen: What now? I was about to win.

 

Young Master: When have you not won?

 

Little Tangmen, thinking: Seems like I’ve won every time.

 

Young Master: Not bad. (Of course, I ordered them to let you win.)

 

Little Tangmen, excited: Am I finally becoming a gambling god?

 

Young Master, seriously: Looks like it.

 

Little Tangmen: A gambling god without pants, does that seem right to you?

 

Young Master, firmly: It’s fine.

 

…

A terrible silence fell in the dungeon.

 

 

06

Young Master: I came to interrogate you today.

 

Little Tangmen: About what?

 

Young Master: Who sent you to kill me?

 

Little Tangmen: It was a random mission, I have no idea.

 

Young Master, narrowing his eyes: Not willing to say?

 

Little Tangmen: I really don’t know.

 

Young Master: Say ‘I don’t know’ again and I’ll kiss you.

 

Little Tangmen, shivering in fear: Yes, yes… Li Ergou from the east of the village? I can’t make up anything else, just kiss me.

 

Young Master: Pfft, alright, I’ll put it on your tab.

 

Little Tangmen, impressed: You even keep an account for this?

 

Young Master, glancing at him: Yes, with interest too.

 

Little Tangmen: Ah? Interest?

 

Young Master, sighing: By the end of the year, with compound interest, it’ll probably be for a hundred kisses.

 

Little Tangmen, crying: I don’t want a tab! Just kiss me now! Quick!

 

Young Master, locking the dungeon door: No, it’ll stay on the tab.