Chapter 35 – “I love you”
Novel Title: 长夏醒迟 (Long Summer, Late Awakening)
Author：麦香鸡呢 (McChicken)
Translator: K (@kin0monogatari)
Protagonists: 余炀 (Yu Yang -MC/Gong), 靳吾栖 (Jin Wuqi -ML/Shou)
*Please read at Novels Space.space, the original site of translation. TQ*
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“It’s true… it’s really bitter…” Du Yele’s voice was hoarse as he looked into the distance, choking up as he spoke, “During the time when he was unconscious after the removal surgery, he kept repeating a sentence incoherently.”
“He said, ‘Yu Yang, it hurts so much, it hurts so much…'”
Like a blunt knife tormenting his heart, Yu Yang pressed his palms against the railing until they turned red. He knelt on the ground, drained of strength. The bright sunlight illuminated his hair as he covered his eyes. An extremely suppressed cry and tears emanated from between his fingers.
During that exceptionally long summer four years ago, Yu Yang always thought he was the last one to be awakened.
But it turned out that compared to everything Jin Wuqi had endured, his own past few years could be described as smooth sailing.
Jin Wuqi’s seemingly indifferent expression, his casual laughter at the idea of being just friends with benefits, his breakdowns during his heats, his resistance to Yu Yang biting his glands, his lie to Yu Yang that he took medicine so he wouldn’t get pregnant…
So everything, all of it, had its reasons, its traces to follow. That Omega may appear glamorous. But in reality, he is just living half a life. Jin Wuqi tidied himself up properly and neatly, returning with the smile from over four years ago, doing everything he could to get close to his beloved alpha again.
Yu Yang still remembered how Jin Wuqi had carefully asked him if he minded that he had been ‘marked’ by someone else.
What had he answered back then?
“I don’t mind. Whatever you do has nothing to do with me.”
Jin Wuqi was forcibly ‘marked’ four years ago. And that day, despite being drunk, he let the nightmare replay for him, ignoring the omega’s pleas to stop and untie him as he coldly said, “I don’t want to ‘mark’ you.”
What was he… what was he really doing?
Haunted by alpha psychology, Yu Yang thought his love for Jin Wuqi was foolish, repeating past mistakes. He felt surrounded by grievances from the past, believing he had enough reason to treat Jin Wuqi with indifference, even with sarcasm and forcefulness. He thought he was entitled to do so.
But in matters of the heart, there is no entitlement. There is only the balance between love and hate.
Yu Yang had wounds in his heart. He had vented and he had demanded answers. What about Jin Wuqi?
Who will heal the wounds on his body and the wounds in his heart?
And Jin Wuqi still has to pretend to be carefree in front of Yu Yang, again and again.
Now, when Yu Yang recalls every smile from Jin Wuqi, he surprisingly feels that the smiles in those eyes are both beautiful and poignant. Unfortunately, he had never carefully discerned them before.
This torture lasting four years has forced Yu Yang to change, to grow up, to build high walls around his heart. With an irresistible compulsion, Yu Yang struggles in silence, suffering unbearably.
But it doesn’t matter anymore.
Jin Wuqi has always loved him. That alone is enough to comfort Yu Yang for all the pain he has endured.
Yu Yang has never asked for much. He hopes that Jin Wuqi loves him. But he has never dared to seriously imagine that he does. Now, he realises that Jin Wuqi truly loves him and has exhausted all efforts in loving him.
I love you too… along with the pain and sadness you’ve brought me and all the suffering you’ve endured.
Others love Jin Wuqi as if he were a distant moon, a deity. When the moonlight dims, when the deity crumbles, there are many other things to admire and it’s easy to move on. But Yu Yang is different. He loves Jin Wuqi, loves his body, loves the dust on his hair, loves the scars on his body, and loves the wounds in his heart.
Yu Yang has no bottomline. He would rather be a tiny grain of sand, cast into the palm of this deity, or even at his feet, if it means he can resonate with him for a moment. Yu Yang doesn’t need anything else. Just a moment of moonlight is enough for him to yearn for a long time.
Yu Yang finally understands why he was able to endure these years. He gave all his love away when he was young, wholeheartedly and unreservedly, to the point where he could no longer love anyone else like he loved Jin Wuqi.
Because he had loved and hated so fiercely, so deeply, and so painfully. Therefore, everything he saw later on seemed so barren compared to what he had once had.
The rose that bloomed in his heart, it never really withered.
The faint scent of roses wafted over as Jin Wuqi, wearing a coat, slowly walked up to Yu Yang. He looked at the alpha before him, who was out of control and helpless. Jin Wuqi slowly squatted down and gently took Yu Yang’s wrist. He softly called his name, “Yu Yang.”
With red eyes, the alpha raised his head. Tears streaked his face, glistening in the sunlight.
“I’m sorry…” Yu Yang choked up. He looked like a lost child, with a bewildered and sorrowful expression. “I didn’t know… I didn’t know it was like this…”
“It’s because I didn’t tell you properly.” Jin Wuqi’s pale face carried a smile. His tea-coloured pupils reflected the sunlight. There was a rare brightness in them. “Four years ago, I thought it was too difficult to say goodbye to you, who knew there would be no more chance later.”
“I’m sorry for making you sad for so long.” He clasped Yu Yang’s hand in his palm and said, “Yu Yang, thank you for still liking me even after knowing all this.”
Although the Alpha had never said he liked him, Jin Wuqi knew from the moment they met again that Yu Yang hadn’t let go, even now.
Wasn’t Jin Wuqi regretful too?
He missed out on four whole years of his boy’s youth and life. He could have watched Yu Yang play basketball on the court at sunset, could have lazily slept in bed with Yu Yang on weekends, could have occasionally sat in on one of Yu Yang’s classes and wandered around campus with him. It could have been a very, very good four years. But now it is filled with heartache and regret, intertwined with countless scars.
“I like you. I always have. No matter what.” Yu Yang held Jin Wuqi’s hand back and looked into his eyes as tears streamed down his face. He then spoke emphasising each word, “I like you.”
At 18, I liked you. At 23, I still like you. I like you in the summer, in the spring, in the fall, and in the winter. I liked you when you left without saying goodbye. And when I saw you again, I still liked you.
Then Yu Yang shook his head in denial.
“No, it’s not ‘like’. I love you.” He embraced Jin Wuqi and stood up with the omega in his arms. He gently held Jin Wuqi, sniffing the scent of roses. In the warm sunlight, Yu Yang whispered in his ear. His voice sounded hoarse, “I love you.”
Even though there were thousands of comforting words, Yu Yang could only say ‘I love you’ to console his Omega. Perhaps it was not quite right. But he had no other thing to say.
At eighteen, he was pricked by a thorn while holding a rose. But that was just a thorn. Once removed, the pain would pass and he could recover.
But if a rose lost a petal, it could never be put back together again.
Jin Wuqi stroked his hair and smiled, “You can’t just love me. You have to share some love for our baby.”
Yu Yang felt his heart instantly wrapped in warmth. There was a mixture of pain and excitement. He gently touched his Omega’s belly and nodded.
The wind was warm and Yu Yang seemed to see his eighteen-year-old self being awakened again. He gradually opened his eyes to look at the world and then ran towards one direction without hesitation.
He lowered his head and lightly kissed the corner of Jin Wuqi’s mouth, resting his forehead against his Omega’s forehead, letting tears fall.
“I miss you so much. For these past four years.”
These were the words Yu Yang most wanted to say. In just a few words, they encompassed half of his youth, heavier than ‘I love you’, carrying the love he had never forgotten or erased. This was the forgiveness and acceptance of everything, as well as the heartache and regret that had almost crushed his will.
They were both prisoners.
One trapped in an imperfect, harsh past, confined by their own making, harbouring grudges.
One imprisoned by the cruel blows of reality, plagued by nightly nightmares, never seeing the light of day.
When they met, there were truths they tried to hide, sharp disputes, deliberate avoidance of certain topics, and disguises of indifference. They each carried their unspoken afflictions. They probed, confessed, embraced, kissed, and turned all their emotions into multiple-choice questions with no single correct answer. They were forever unable to be definitively categorised.
When everything became clear, the sturdy old prison gate was flung open. Through the long corridor and mist, the pervasive light awaited at the end of the road.
They held each other’s hands, running forward together with the howling wind in their ears. All of their past grievances were shattered halfway.
As night faded and dawn broke, light pierced through the darkness, illuminating the world with light.
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*Author’s Note:
Ps: No update today. The next chapter will be the end and there will be extra chapters.
A new story will start in a while, so you can bookmark it for now.
Also, remember to participate in the lottery pinned on Weibo.
[From Weibo]
– McChicken
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*Translator’s Note: I’m glad everything worked out in the end for them. -K
Next update: 2024.06.08
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