When Ye Zhou led Jiang Tingyuan back into the movie theater, the lights inside had already dimmed.
The lighting was very dark. As they walked up the steps, Ye Zhou was worried that his sponsor would trip and fall. He turned back with some concern and waved his hand to gesture him over. His original intention was to get Mr. Jiang to come with him, but before he could put his hand down, it was grasped by a warm, large hand.
Ye Zhou: “…?”
He struggled twice but was unable to break free. Instead, his hand was held even tighter.
If it were anyone else daring to take such liberties with him, Ye Zhou would have flipped them over his shoulder in an instant. But the person holding his hand now was Mr. Jiang, his sponsor, and his bread and butter.
They say it’s hard to speak up against someone who feeds you and hard to refuse someone who gives you money1吃人嘴软拿人手短 literally means “someone who feeds you has a soft mouth, someone who gives you money has a short hand,” implying it’s difficult to say no or refuse requests from those who help you. Ye Zhou had spent so much of Mr. Jiang’s money that if he couldn’t even allow his hand to be held at this time, it would be going against the spirit of their agreement!
So Ye Zhou gave up and led Mr. Jiang up the steps while counting the row numbers of the seats. Since there hadn’t been much publicity done in advance, there weren’t many people who came to watch the screening today. The seats in the theater were only about half full, and some of those were their own crew members.
Therefore, Ye Zhou quickly found their seats under the ushering of the assistant director. The two took their seats, and only then could Ye Zhou retrieve his claw back.
Not long after the movie started, Zhu Ning’s unique, clear young voice rang out in the theater. Even though Ye Zhou had heard it many times before, he was still amazed this time.
This opening theme song hadn’t been released to the public yet, but Ye Zhou could already foresee the huge waves it would make once it did. Zhu Ning’s musical prowess was obviously superior to his acting. When Ye Zhou had only read the novel and had the original’s memories, he didn’t fully appreciate Zhu Ning’s excellence. Only after seeing him in person could he understand why Zhu Ning would become a top domestic celebrity in the future.
As the volume of the opening song gradually faded, the four characters for “A Farce2一场闹剧” finally appeared crookedly in the middle of the screen.
After the song finished playing, the big screen didn’t light up as the audience expected. After all the white credits disappeared, the screen was plunged into darkness.
Before the audience could wonder if something was wrong with the equipment, amidst some rustling noises, a drunken male voice rang out in the theater.
“2 million. I want his life. Will you do it or not?”
“I will!”
With this crisp and decisive sentence, the matter was settled. A farce with the theme of ‘hiring someone for murder’ officially drew open its curtains.
The scene switched to a private room in a restaurant. A man wearing sunglasses on the bridge of his nose pushed an envelope on the table toward the person sitting across from him.
Sitting opposite him was a brawny man covered in tattoos on both arms, looking very much like someone you wouldn’t want to provoke.
“Biaozi, there’s 1 million here. Finish him off, and the money is yours.”
By this time, some audience members were already feeling that something wasn’t quite right and were left somewhat confused.
Meow meow meow?
What’s going on here? Wasn’t it 2 million just now? How did it shrink by half in the blink of an eye?!
The brawny man didn’t hesitate at all. He very decisively put the envelope in his pocket, patted his chest, and said with certainty, “Meng-ge, leave this to me!”
As soon as he spoke, perceptive audience members realized his voice didn’t match the two men talking at the beginning of the movie, so he probably wasn’t the same person.
After concluding their deal, the two left the restaurant one after the other.
Biaozi had 1 million on him and was tall and muscular, looking very reliable. The audience all thought he was the assassin.
But to everyone’s huge disappointment, after getting the money, Biaozi didn’t make any plans over the next few days. Instead, he wantonly purchased various luxury items, eating, drinking, and visiting prostitutes. In the center of the screen, every time he spent money, there would be a close-up shot of his phone showing the linked bank card balance decreasing.
The audience watched helplessly as the balance in Biaozi’s phone kept dropping. In just a few days, he had already spent nearly half of the huge sum.
“This guy is definitely a scammer, I bet 50 cents on it!”
“Following convention, what should come next is this guy getting tortured. It’s a comedy film after all. This is too clichéd. It’s not worth the ticket price at all. It’s not funny in the slightest.”
“Not necessarily. I heard assassins are all hedonists. After all, it’s life and death. Who knows if there’ll be a chance to spend this money later, might as well spend it all first. Even if he dies, at least the money was put to use.”
Some people could understand Biaozi’s mentality. In a profession of dancing on the knife’s edge, one careless misstep could lead to death. Consuming in advance could be considered reasonable.
The audience was still relatively calm, but the film critics weren’t so kind. They had already started drafting in their minds just how they would critique this film and its director tonight.
But just then, the scene froze on Biaozi’s remaining balance of 500,000.
Then, without giving the audience any time to think, Biaozi looked at the balance on his phone for a few seconds before reaching out to open the door.
The scene switched.
Biaozi was squatting at the entrance to a dilapidated alleyway, smoking. Squatting opposite him, also with a cigarette in hand, was a baby-faced young man.
To the audience’s confusion, Biaozi suddenly took out a crumpled envelope from his jacket.
Seeing this extremely familiar envelope, some audience members with active imaginations had a bold idea.
Sure enough…
Biaozi slowly took a puff of his cigarette, then passed the envelope to the baby-faced young man. Lowering his voice, he said, “There’s 400,000 inside.”
Audience: ???
Isn’t this line extremely familiar! Weren’t you just told the same thing not long ago!
And if I remember correctly, you were given 1 million. How come there’s only 400,000 left when it gets to you? Do assassins really have such poor professional ethics???
“Help me take care of him, and the money is yours,” Biaozi said in the same tone as before, stubbing out his cigarette with a weary expression.
The baby-faced young man Fang Wei nodded solemnly and assured, “Don’t worry Biao-ge, leave this to me!”
Audience: ???
Do you have to be so lazy about it? Did you guys communicate beforehand? The plot is similar enough, but you’re not even changing up the lines!
Of course, the identical lines weren’t a coincidence but an intentional plot device to depict an already absurd story in an even more absurd way for dramatic effect.
Sure enough, this transaction that almost fully copied the previous one, despite eliciting endless complaints mentally from the audience, still honestly provoked a round of raucous laughter from them physically.
By this point in the plot development and recalling the opening scene, how could the audience not understand what had happened?
So, a perfectly normal assassination job, the price had actually been whittled down layer by layer through exploitation in just a few days, dropping from 2 million to only 400,000 in the end?
“How can middlemen dare to rip off margins so outrageously!”
“Hahahaha I just want to know now, how much lower can this money shrink to in the end?”
The audience even started an on-site prize competition guesses! The guesses ranged from 200,000 to 20,000. Some audience members were already eager to evaluate which middleman had the blackest hands and earned the most!
However, as they continued guessing, some audience members suddenly realized an issue.
No matter how amusing the previous plot was, this was still a matter of buying a life. High risks came with high rewards. Based on the original price of 2 million, a decent assassin could have been hired.
But after being whittled down layer by layer, if only a few tens of thousands were left, would there really be an idiot willing to take on such huge risks for so little money?
After a round of speculative antics that not only convulsed the audience in laughter but also successfully aroused their curiosity and inquisitiveness.
The side character Biaozi passed the baton to Fang Wei and exited the stage. Next, the perspective changed to Fang Wei’s point of view.
Fang Wei didn’t disappoint the audience’s expectations either. He contacted several gangster friends in succession, but they wanted nothing to do with murder for so little money. It was not worth the risk at all. After circling around, he was unable to find any new takers.
Luckily, although he was a little timid, he still had enough brains. After making a lot of phone calls to no avail, Fang Wei had a flash of inspiration and decided to try his luck on the treasure trove known as the internet.
The camera followed Fang Wei into an internet cafe specializing in the dark web. He opened a computer and made a post on a certain obscure anonymous domestic forum.
Then…
No assassin was found, but taking the lead, 20,000 was swindled from him by an internet scammer.
Seeing the dazed look on his face after being conned, the audience in the theater simply roared with laughter.
However, after paying 20,000 tuition3He learned his lesson, and 20,000 is the tuition lol, Fang Wei’s horizons were also broadened. He raised the amount from 200,000 to 2 million, intending to first trick someone into getting rid of the target.
It had to be said, once the price went up, it didn’t take long for someone to contact Fang Wei.
At this time, Fang Wei didn’t know and had no way of knowing if it was good or bad luck, but the person chatting with him now was actually a professional killer.
By the time he realized this fact, it was already too late.
The scene switched to two days later. From a bird’s eye view, the entire building and surroundings were fully exposed.
The no-nonsense Killer No. 3 was lying in ambush upstairs in the target’s villa, his gun already aimed at the target’s head. He was confirming with the client one last time before opening fire and requesting payment. As long as the payment hit his account, the target would be shot dead on the spot.
The moment Fang Wei saw the photo No. 3 sent, he finally panicked. The other party really was a killer and was asking for money.
Fang Wei only had a total of 400,000 on him. Where could he get so much money to pay the reward?
But if he told the truth, Fang Wei was afraid the assassin would retaliate against him. So, he could only grit his teeth, make up some excuse about changing targets, placate the killer, and hesitantly called the police.
Fang Wei’s intention was only to get the police to apprehend Killer No. 3. But his limited abilities were no match for police interrogation. In less than half an hour, he spilled the whole story from beginning to end.
The interrogation process could be called simply hilarious. Often the police hadn’t even asked anything before this fool Fang Wei blurted things out himself, confessing everything he could and couldn’t.
He was so cooperative that even the officers interrogating him found it amusing.
And so, based on the clues he provided, the police swiftly mobilized and apprehended everyone involved in the case all at once.
In the final scene, the four silly criminals were awarded fashionable silver bracelets and worn orange vests as they drooped their heads sitting in the dock, listening to the judge reading out their verdicts.
Accompanying the judge’s voice declaring the results, Zhu Ning’s ending theme song also rang out, marking the finale of this farce.
The lights remained dimmed, and sounds of applause rang out in the theater. Just as the audience was about to leave after the credits finished rolling, the originally black screen suddenly showed a scene again.
The scene depicted a dilapidated apartment building. Outside, the rusty metal door and the entire corridor were filled with police officers.
In the room just beyond, Killer No. 3 finished the last spoonful of fried rice with a wooden expression. He washed his hands clean, took out a photo from his bag and set it up properly, placed his inseparable gun next to the photo frame, took two steps back, and sincerely bowed three times.
Then with a calm expression, he opened the security door.
Accompanied by the “creak” of the rusty doorframe, the screen faded to black once more.
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