In fact, Qin Yuanxi didn’t even need to explain; Zhao Tuo just had to reach down, and the whole situation became crystal clear. After so many lovey-dovey sessions, they were as familiar as can be, knowing each other inside out. If Zhao Tuo couldn’t even figure out when Qin Yuanxi will react to something, well, that would be a bit hard to believe.
“What’s going on?”
Clearly, he was a bit confused about the current state of affairs. Qin Yuanxi, in a flurry, pushed him away, somewhat annoyed, “What’s the situation? Can’t I avoid it if I don’t want to deal with it?”
This didn’t convince Zhao Tuo; instead, he looked at Qin Yuanxi with concern, making Qin Yuanxi even more irritated, “Get lost! I really—”
Before he could break free, Zhao Tuo once again held Qin Yuanxi’s hand, asking, “How long has it been?”
Qin Yuanxi didn’t want to answer, stubbornly avoiding eye contact, reluctant to discuss such matters. It’s not easy, you know?!
Seeing Qin Yuanxi’s silence, Zhao Tuo asked another question, “So, those palace maids, they’re not—where did they all go?”
This one needed a bit of explanation. Qin Yuanxi dryly replied, “Just released them at the right age. Do I need to report and get approval from you for that too?”
There were too many palace maids, more than needed. Except for a few attendants by the consorts’ sides, Qin Yuanxi streamlined the palace staff. Those willing to leave the palace had their records made, and when the time was right, they were let go with some excuse.
“Why say it like that then?”
Facing Zhao Tuo’s question, Qin Yuanxi couldn’t be bothered to respond. Leaning his arm against his forehead, he seemed a bit disinterested, “What’s it to you? Can’t I do it on purpose? Don’t want people to know about my hidden ailment, is it too much to save face? Moreover, we’re about to select consorts. If people find out now, what’s left of my dignity?”
This left Zhao Tuo at a loss for words. After Qin Yuanxi finished speaking, Zhao Tuo remained silent for quite a while.
Just when he thought today’s conversation would end without progress, suddenly, he was embraced.
Wait, no. Zhao Tuo’s entire being suddenly buried itself in Qin Yuanxi’s arms. This guy was even taller than Qin Yuanxi, having martial arts training and battlefield experience, making him quite robust. He curled up next to Qin Yuanxi, holding him as if seeking warmth.
What in the world is going on?
Instinctively, Qin Yuanxi wanted to reach out and pat his head, offering some comfort.
The position was truly heart-wrenching, but he quickly composed himself, feigning indifference to save face in front of Zhao Tuo.
“What’s this for? Pity me or feel sorry for me? Let me tell you, it’s unnecessary. I’ll be fine sooner or later, regaining my strength is just a matter of time!”
Yan Shaoning had already prescribed him medication, and Qin Yuanxi’s physical functions should be fine. He could sense it himself; most likely, Zhao Tuo was making a fuss over nothing.
Being rejected repeatedly, who wouldn’t feel hurt? Could Qin Yuanxi not be affected? With all these incidents piling up and Prince Lu not showing up to talk, who knows where the problem lies? Left with the stubborn Zhao Tuo, every day felt like dealing with non-cooperation unless it involved violence.
It’s like a refusal to admit wrongdoing, rebellious, even though the rebellion had failed. Despite the failure, the stubbornness remained. If given a chance to start over, he’d probably do the same again!
This daily routine was indeed affecting Qin Yuanxi’s mood.
Unexpectedly, the impact seemed more significant than anyone thought. Now it’s becoming a problem.
Well, all he could do now was sigh and take his medicine properly, at least for some psychological comfort. Who knows, maybe one day he’ll suddenly feel better?
“Is it because of me?”
“Because of the last time.”
Zhao Tuo was referring to the previous time when Qin Yuanxi had been rejected. Of course, Qin Yuanxi remembered. It happened when Xiao Bai was just a month old. Qin Yuanxi had tried to mend their relationship through this method, but it clearly didn’t work. Not only did it not work, he was bluntly rejected.
Whether it was because of that incident or not, Qin Yuanxi couldn’t say for sure since there was no way to verify it.
But that initial rejection did hurt him, not just a bit, probably quite a lot.
“You’re overestimating yourself. What does it have to do with you?” Qin Yuanxi’s tone was a bit impatient, but in reality, he didn’t want to turn this into pressure on Zhao Tuo.
He did want to put some pressure on Zhao Tuo, push him a bit. However, the type of pressure mattered. Emotional pressure was acceptable, but for something like this, if all the blame fell on Zhao Tuo, Qin Yuanxi was afraid he wouldn’t be able to handle it.
That would be a complete disaster.
He was held even tighter around the waist, “It was because your injury hadn’t healed yet.”
Zhao Tuo’s hand happened to rest on Qin Yuanxi’s waist, and Qin Yuanxi could feel his gentle movements, the touch of various fabrics causing a ticklish sensation. He held Zhao Tuo’s hand, preventing him from exploring further.
Qin Yuanxi’s tone remained calm, “You don’t need to blame yourself. Having a child is my own matter, has nothing to do with you. The child in my belly was my decision to keep, my decision to bring into the world. The incision was discussed between me and Yan Shaoning. From start to finish, you were just a participant. I am the one in control.”
“Even our beginning was initiated by me.” Qin Yuanxi lowered his gaze, looking at Zhao Tuo, “If it weren’t for my initiation, you and I wouldn’t be where we are now. So, you don’t need to carry any psychological burden.”
“You just did what you wanted.” Qin Yuanxi touched Zhao Tuo’s face, his composed tone carrying a hint of resignation, “I used to think you were unfair to me, shouldn’t have treated me this way, it was cruel. But now, thinking calmly, you didn’t do anything wrong. I was the one at fault.”
“I misled you.”
At this point, Qin Yuanxi even chuckled, “Maybe you were right. Without me, what you did might truly be the best outcome. The mistake lies with me, disrupting your world. I should apologize to you.”
Before he could continue, Zhao Tuo kissed him again, more intense and tumultuous than before. Qin Yuanxi even thought he might be devoured by Zhao Tuo directly, without the need to peel off any layers. Fortunately, before being consumed, Zhao Tuo stopped.
“You’re not him.” The panting was mixed with regret, “I… I can’t tell. I don’t know what to do.”
Repeated in a low voice, full of pain and reluctance, Zhao Tuo pinched Qin Yuanxi’s shoulders, his eyes filled with confusion, “Why aren’t you him? Clearly, nothing has changed. Why suddenly are you not him anymore? I want to kill him, I want to kill you. I don’t know what I’m doing. If I don’t take action, the one eliminated will be me. I just acted first. But why… why aren’t you him? Why do I feel so miserable?”
“Yes, I’m not him.” Qin Yuanxi held Zhao Tuo’s hand, interlocking their fingers tightly, “I am me, and he is him. The one who wants to eliminate you is that emperor, the puppet emperor. Not me. I came after that night, remember? The night we left the palace together. The person after that is me. The one who wanted to kill you before wasn’t me.”
“Can you distinguish now?”
Qin Yuanxi was very concerned, or rather, his greatest concern was that Zhao Tuo wouldn’t be able to tell who he really was.
Zhao Tuo was different from Lu Bohuan; Lu Bohuan’s thoughts were noticeably more organized. Lu Bohuan, as long as he was sober, was a normal person. But Zhao Tuo wasn’t. Zhao Tuo was another personality separated from Lu Bohuan, and this personality was even pathological.
He stubbornly clung to his beliefs. Once things went beyond the expected scope, Zhao Tuo would seem overwhelmed, unable to handle such a complex situation. He might not distinguish between Qin Yuanxi and the original puppet emperor.
“Yes.”
The feeling of the big dog seemed to return as Zhao Tuo’s hand touched his stomach, his voice resolute, “It’s different now. You have a scar here.”
??? Qin Yuanxi really wanted to say, ‘Thanks for proving my existence by adding a scar to my stomach.’ But upon careful thought, Zhao Tuo seemed to be right, and he found himself unable to refute.
Pushing away Zhao Tuo’s head, Qin Yuanxi expressed some disdain, “Now you can, why did you wait so long? Huh, tell me then, if you can recognize me, why have you been ignoring me all this time? What’s going on with your emotions?”
The big dog nuzzled against him again, “I was afraid you wouldn’t like me. You would prefer him. He’s smarter than me. He knew long ago that you’re not him.”
He, he, he… they were all him. Fortunately, Qin Yuanxi was clever enough to understand which ‘him’ Zhao Tuo was referring to, or else it would have been quite confusing.
Hello, everyone ヾ(＾∇＾). I hope you enjoyed the story! If you’re feeling generous, please buy me a coffee, share/comment on my translated works! Check out the link below for early chapters. (๑>ᴗ<๑)
