“Are you stupid or what?” Qin Yuanxi actually started hitting people.
He raised his hand and slapped Zhao Tuo’s face gently, then clenched his fist and lightly tapped Zhao Tuo’s shoulder, his voice choked up a bit: “I did it on purpose, the selection of consorts was for show, actually to make those ministers give up the idea of sending women into the palace. I have a series of plans. I’ve been setting the stage for this. Now everyone outside thinks I’m a tyrant and a debauched king. Any family genuinely caring for their daughters won’t send them into the palace anymore. Didn’t you notice that many portraits have been quietly removed since I returned?
I also planned during the morning court to decree that there should be no more interactions between the former court and the harem, completely cutting off the route for those who want to sell their daughters for promotion. I’ll make it clear that sending daughters in is a sacrifice with no benefit. Who would do something without benefit? By then, the position in the harem won’t be seen as a lucrative opportunity anymore; instead, it’ll become a hot potato. It’ll be much easier for me to establish a new harem.”
Qin Yuanxi’s nose felt sour: “Of course, at the beginning, I had a small idea. I wanted to make you jealous with the consort selection. Back then, you ignored me. I didn’t know your illness had worsened; I thought it was because of what happened in the palace that made you resent me. I felt uncomfortable, didn’t have any other ideas, so I just decided to see how you’d react.”
At this point, Qin Yuanxi looked up at Zhao Tuo, feeling a little guilty: “Who would’ve known your illness suddenly worsened, and I couldn’t care about these matters in the capital anymore. If Prime Minister Wang hadn’t reminded me when I returned, I would’ve almost forgotten about this incident.”
“Is Prime Minister Wang collaborating with you?”
Zhao Tuo’s tone was casual, but when he heard Qin Yuanxi’s words, he subtly changed his expression.
Quickly shifting blame, Qin Yuanxi said, “Yeah, it’s true. Actually, a lot of these ideas came from him. I don’t have so many cunning ideas myself. I just didn’t know what to do, so I sought advice from the old prime minister. Ah Tuo, I didn’t mean it, really. I just… I’m just very insecure. If you could pay more attention to me, indulge me a bit, we’d be fine. I’d definitely let you know if I wanted to do something.”
After shifting the blame, he continued to flatter: “You are the best in my heart, the absolute best. I liked you at first sight. Besides you, there’s no one else in my heart. Those portraits before were just to tease you. Please don’t take it to heart, okay? In this world, besides you, who else would stand by my side? Only you, forever.”
Listening to him, Zhao Tuo held Qin Yuanxi’s hand close to himself, sighed, and said, “I’m not good, not good at all. You don’t understand.”
“I do!” Qin Yuanxi insisted firmly and anxiously, “I say you’re good, so you are. I’m the one choosing the empress, not you. Why do you have so many opinions? How about we switch roles? You be the emperor, and I’ll be the empress. I think I’d suit that just fine!”
Getting a bit agitated, Qin Yuanxi raised his voice slightly, and Zhao Tuo gestured to him and glanced inside, where their child was already asleep on a small blanket.
Qin Yuanxi immediately quieted down, tugging Zhao Tuo’s sleeve to lead him outside. He had the nanny watch over Xiao Bao while he took Zhao Tuo for a stroll in the imperial garden.
Beneath the moonlight, the imperial garden seemed even more serene, devoid of the daytime’s lavishness and noise. Even the chirping of birds on the branches could be heard clearly. Qin Yuanxi held Zhao Tuo’s hand, and the two walked silently through the garden, circling round and round until Qin Yuanxi started to smile.
“Does this count as a date?”
Couples sneaking kisses in the park corners at midnight seemed like a special moment for lovers. With this thought in mind, Qin Yuanxi stopped in his tracks, hooked his finger with Zhao Tuo’s, and kissed him under the moonlight.
After the kiss, Zhao Tuo asked him, “What is a date?”
Actually, Qin Yuanxi would occasionally come out with words and phrases that Zhao Tuo didn’t understand, but it was precisely because of this unfamiliarity that Zhao Tuo felt a sense of closeness and clarity of mind with him.
“It’s a dialect from my hometown,” Qin Yuanxi didn’t elaborate further. Maybe he would tell Zhao Tuo about his origins later, when Zhao Tuo’s illness was completely healed, when they could live a normal life, when it felt natural. Maybe he would never tell, considering how unbelievable it was and why add unnecessary worries.
“It means spending beautiful moments together with the person you love.”
Raising Zhao Tuo’s hand, Qin Yuanxi smiled at him. “Just like this, right now.”
After feeling tired from walking, they sat in a pavilion. Qin Yuanxi leaned against Zhao Tuo’s shoulder, feeling the warmth emanating from him, and slowly closed his eyes.
Zhao Tuo looked down at his features, his expression gradually softening. He gently stroked Qin Yuanxi’s cheek, and under the moonlight, could see the shadows cast by his long eyelashes, enough to stir one’s heart. In that moment, Zhao Tuo felt at peace.
“Your hometown must be very beautiful,” he brushed Qin Yuanxi’s temple, gathering a few stray strands of hair. “That’s why it raised such a wonderful person like you.”
“Are you praising me?” Qin Yuanxi laughed. “To everyone, their hometown is the most beautiful. For me, although my hometown is beautiful, it’s even more beautiful wherever you are.”
“I lived with my mother in my maternal grandparents’ home when I was young; that should be considered my hometown. Back then, I always wanted to escape, to leave that place forever. I thought I had succeeded, but in reality, I was trapped there.”
Qin Yuanxi immediately sat up straight. Zhao Tuo wouldn’t remember anything from childhood; he was a personality split off from Lu Bohuan and had no idea about his own origins, feeling lost about his past. Bringing up childhood now, Qin Yuanxi felt uncertain but didn’t dare disturb him. He instinctively placed his hand over Zhao Tuo’s, reassuring him of his presence.
“Zhao is my maternal family name, and Tuo is the name my grandparents gave me. They hoped I would become a great general, expanding our territory and safeguarding our land and people. I grew up in my maternal grandparents’ home until later when people from the Lu family found my mother and brought us back. That’s when I was renamed Lu Bohuan.”
Qin Yuanxi was holding his breath, afraid that any slight movement might startle the person beside him.
Perhaps his tension was too obvious, as Zhao Tuo reached out and touched his head, smiling at him gently. “Don’t be like this. Actually, I’m not ready to talk about these things yet, even though I’ve been preparing for a long time. I still haven’t truly prepared myself.”
Feeling comforted by the head pat, Qin Yuanxi’s courage grew slightly, and he looked at Zhao Tuo’s profile, asking softly, “Then… when did you start preparing?”
If Zhao Tuo was starting to prepare to tell him these things, it meant that Zhao Tuo’s condition was improving. However, the exact situation of this improvement was still unclear, and Qin Yuanxi’s heart remained on edge.
“On the way back to the capital,” Zhao Tuo held Qin Yuanxi’s hand, his voice very gentle. “Actually, I’m not sure either. It’s just that on the way back, it seemed like many things slowly fell back into place, like a messy room where all the scattered things gradually found their way back to their original positions, becoming clearer.”
“Why didn’t you tell me then?” Qin Yuanxi was a bit upset, pouting slightly. “How could you keep me in the dark and make me so anxious?”
“I didn’t mean to keep it from you, it’s just…” Zhao Tuo smiled bitterly. “I also don’t know what the situation is exactly now. Sometimes, I still can’t control my emotions and state well, and my mind can be muddled and confused. I don’t know how to explain.”
“It’s okay, it’s okay. We’ll take it slow, and things will gradually get better.”
Initially feeling a bit angry, Qin Yuanxi’s heart softened immediately after Zhao Tuo’s words. He hugged Zhao Tuo, wishing he could protect him from any harm.
“Did they put a lot of pressure on you?” Qin Yuanxi could probably guess. Whether it was the young Zhao Tuo or Lu Bohuan, their lives were probably not easy. Perhaps it was this upbringing that provided fertile ground for his later personality split.
“Because my maternal family has been a lineage of military generals, they hoped I would become a pillar, inheriting their legacy to become a prominent general on the frontier. From a young age, I was taught military strategies and trained in martial arts. I always believed that serving on the frontier was my lifelong ambition.” Zhao Tuo squeezed Qin Yuanxi’s hand tightly. “But after returning to the Lu family, they didn’t want me to pursue a military career. They wanted me to uphold the Lu family’s reputation and become a powerful figure in the court.”
Qin Yuanxi’s heart ached even more.
Damn, the pressure from one family is already immense, but with pressure from two families, it’s like having two mountains crushing down on you directly. Who wouldn’t fall ill under such circumstances, right? It’s a miracle if you don’t fall ill!
“At that time, I didn’t know what to do. My maternal grandparents raised me, and I couldn’t let them down. But I also have Lu family blood running through me, and I couldn’t disappoint them either. It was a very tough period. I had to meet the expectations of both families, so I had to become stronger and strive to fulfill their hopes. I didn’t know my direction, didn’t know what to say—I could only explore step by step, searching for the principles of being a general, and the methods of handling court affairs.”
“I made a lot of mistakes, too.” Qin Yuanxi winced as Zhao Tuo’s fingers dug into his palm, feeling the pain in his heart.
“Many, many mistakes.”
On the battlefield, he had killed his loyal deputy. In court, he purged the family of his mentor. Climbing step by step to a high position, he felt utterly lost. Looking around, he had no idea what he was really doing.
Who was he? And why was he living?
Hello, everyone ヾ(＾∇＾). I hope you enjoyed the story! If you’re feeling generous, please buy me a coffee, share/comment on my translated works! Check out the link below for early chapters. (๑>ᴗ<๑)
