Qin Yuanxi understood the problem now.
His Ah Tuo, was a carefree young man with his dreams. He envisioned himself becoming a general riding across the battlefield, defending the nation, and fulfilling his lifelong aspirations with his passionate spirit.
He had ideals, pursuits, and goals. He had diligently strived step by step toward these ambitions. Every victorious battle on the frontier brought him closer to his goal.
He once believed that as long as he worked hard, he could become the hero his grandparents had spoken of in his youth. He wanted to be a hero, but reality shattered his dreams, dealt him a heavy blow, forcing him to abandon his aspirations and become someone he felt estranged from.
“You are still Ah Tuo in my heart.”
Qin Yuanxi’s voice choked up, as if the one feeling wronged was not Zhao Tuo but himself.
“After returning to the capital, I often missed the frontier, the soldiers there, the excitement, the joy of drinking and feasting together.” Zhao Tuo stroked Qin Yuanxi’s hair, his tone tinged with a hint of sorrow. “Unfortunately, those days are gone. No one accompanies me for drinks or gallops alongside me. No one can speak their heart out anymore.”
“Here, I have no friends. Everyone harbors their plots and schemes, speaking and acting with calculations, some flatter, some fawn, some guard against every move.” Zhao Tuo slowly confided in Qin Yuanxi, words he had never uttered to anyone else. “I’m tired of their hypocritical faces, maneuvering for their interests, striving for their goals, full of deception and disgust.”
“Some act like brothers in public but the next day could accuse you of crimes. They share drinks today but stab you in the back tomorrow. Various factions clash, and one misstep could fall into someone else’s schemes, making it increasingly difficult to turn the tables.”
“I just stand here, watching them fight endlessly, and eventually became one of them, getting entangled in their mess. All those things that I once hated and despised were all imposed on me. I’ve become like them, no different from them.”
With a slightly hoarse voice, carrying a hint of suppressed emotion, Qin Yuanxi could sense Zhao Tuo’s bewildered helplessness within.
“Different, how could it be the same? It’s not, it won’t be. You’re the Prince Lu, caring for the people, benefiting the common folks. You’re nothing like those seeking power and wealth. It’s just a change of identity. You’re still the you who cares about the people. You’re nothing like them, not in the slightest,” Qin Yuanxi shouted in distress, his eyes reddened. “You’ve done so well. If it weren’t for you, the common folks would have surely led a difficult life. While defending the borders, you protect the people. In the court, you safeguard the common folks, even more.”
“More people?”
“Of course!” Qin Yuanxi immediately affirmed, “A minor decision in the court could influence the entire nation. In your high position, you decide on policies affecting people’s lives. Every decision you make is crucial to the common folks, crucial to their happiness. How could it be the same?”
“Ah Tuo, you’re different from those corrupt officials,” Qin Yuanxi, with teary eyes, leaned to embrace Zhao Tuo. “They hold office for personal gains. You hold the nation in your heart. Wherever you are, you’re safeguarding the nation. You’re not like them.”
The burden in Zhao Tuo’s heart made it hard for him to acknowledge his actions as Prince Lu. He felt that as an official in the court, he had lost his inner belief, unable to become the hero riding on the battlefield, serving the country. He was shrouded in shadows, playing a role in the court that he despised.
He killed a vice-general, returned to the capital, became the revered Regent, but lost the young man, lost his true self.
He felt it shouldn’t be this way; it wasn’t what he wanted. He shouldn’t have become that kind of person. In this self-loathing and self-denial, he fell ill.
The ill part of him split from Prince Lu’s personality, a young man named Zhao Tuo, the person he wanted to reclaim.
Zhao Tuo was who he always wanted to be, a general defending the country. Zhao Tuo still has sincerity and passion in his body. Zhao Tuo was the soul that hadn’t been consumed bit by bit by the dark court. Zhao Tuo was the free Lu Bohuan.
“Later on, it became like this,” Lu Bohuan chuckled softly, with a hint of helplessness and bitterness. “I don’t know when it started, but there were always blurry moments in my consciousness. When I woke up, it felt like something had happened, and I don’t remember any of it. From that time, I knew I was ill.”
“Th-then, what about now? Do you feel any better?” Qin Yuanxi held onto his clothes, asking, “Can you distinguish who you really are?”
“I know, whether it’s Lu Bohuan or Zhao Tuo, it’s still me.” Lu Bohuan tousled Qin Yuanxi’s hair, his smile holding a trace of indulgence. “But I know you like calling me ‘Ah Tuo,’ so let’s stick with that. My grandparents used to call me that when I was young. I like it when you call me that way.”
“Really like it?” Qin Yuanxi tilted his head, teasingly asking, “Then you won’t be jealous of yourself anymore?”
“Can’t say for sure, I might still get a bit jealous,” Lu Bohuan chuckled. “But I know that it’s me whom you like. Names are just labels. Changing names and identities is too troublesome now. You can call me whatever you want.”
“Then I’ll call you Ah Tuo.” Qin Yuanxi readily agreed and repeated it several times before feeling satisfied.
“It’s great, Ah Tuo, you don’t know how scared I was during that time, always on edge. But now, with you by my side, I feel much more secure and content.”
“Resting on Lu Bohuan’s shoulder, Qin Yuanxi sighed, “Thankfully, that’s all in the past. Look at us now, a family of three, with our adorable little one. It’s wonderful. From now on, let’s live peacefully. If you want to be a general, you will continue being a general. Forget about being the Regent; it doesn’t seem so appealing; it brought too much pressure on you. If you want to handle the court affairs, the status of Queen isn’t as convenient as being a Regent. But, I’ll protect you in the future. Let’s see who dares to bully my Ah Tuo. I’ll stand up for you!”
The tone of endearment was quite dominant.
“There’s one more thing I need to explain.” Lu Bohuan held Qin Yuanxi’s hand, looking somewhat ashamed. “It’s about…”
“I understand.”
Qin Yuanxi leaned on Lu Bohuan’s shoulder. “If it’s about the rebellion, no need to explain. I understand.”
As for the rebellion incident, Qin Yuanxi truly didn’t mind anymore.
At the beginning, it was tough to accept, as if the sky was falling. But as he gradually understood, it no longer bothered him.
“Rebellion or anything of that sort is understandable. Besides, at that time, you were ill and couldn’t distinguish who I really was,” Qin Yuanxi casually said. “Your rebellion wasn’t against me; you rebelled against that incompetent Emperor. He was such a liability, unable to do anything right, always dragging you down. If I were you, I’d have quit too.”
Saying this, Qin Yuanxi confidently patted Lu Bohuan’s chest. Perhaps there was a hint of righteousness when he did so, but he lingered a bit longer, taking advantage before withdrawing.
“Moreover, I understand. He wanted you dead; of course, he’d try to eliminate any threat. You’re exceptional, capable in both governance and military, while he, a complete failure, couldn’t match me, let alone you. Why wouldn’t he be jealous?”
“In such a situation, how could he possibly let you stay? History is full of examples where the powerful were eliminated for overshadowing their superiors. No need to explain this to me; I figured it out long ago,” Qin Yuanxi chuckled. “I’m not like certain individuals, being petty and jealous. As an Emperor, I must be magnanimous!”
The magnanimous Emperor was pinned down by the petty Empress and bullied hard.
As the sound of laughter echoed outside the pavilion, Lu Bohuan protected Qin Yuanxi from falling off the soft mattress, then earnestly shared his thoughts with him.
“Actually, I never had that intention at first, or rather, I never had that intention at all. The idea of rebellion is too severe. It’s not just about treason; it contradicts my intentions. Whether it’s Lu Bohuan or Zhao Tuo, neither of us would commit such an act,” Lu Bohuan gently twirled Qin Yuanxi’s hair in his fingers as he spoke. “Although many may not believe me saying this, I genuinely wanted to assist him. However, the issue lies in the fact that court affairs can’t be explained in a few words. I’m in this position, and there are things I can’t control. I carry a responsibility that compels me to act.”
“I understand,” Qin Yuanxi smiled at Lu Bohuan. “Don’t think of me as closed-minded. I’m not foolish. In such a vast country, with this many issues, if you’ve taken charge, you must see it through. When you attempt to make changes, you’re bound to hinder someone’s interests. This has been the case for thousands of years, and those in power aren’t always wise.”
Qin Yuanxi tapped Lu Bohuan’s shoulder, “Poor Ah Tuo. You do something, and he feels threatened, as if you’ve taken something precious from him. But he doesn’t realize you’re doing it for his benefit. Instead of showing gratitude, he sees you as a threat, fearing you might seize his position. He doesn’t even consider that if you truly intended that, how could he have remained in that position for so long?
“This guy, to put it plainly, is just foolish and dim-witted!” Qin Yuanxi expressed his frustration. “If he succeeded, your death would’ve been a small matter. But then, there wouldn’t be anyone protecting the country. Where would he find such a capable advisor like you? The court would plunge into darkness, and the people would suffer. Within two years, the nation would collapse!”
“This kind of guy, if we don’t rebel against him, it’s a disservice to the common folks. For the sake of everyone’s peaceful lives, I support your decision!”
Fortunately, he came into the Emperor’s position. If it were any other role, he might have joined Prince Lu in rebellion, possibly dragging his feet.
“Thank goodness you’re not him.”
Lu Bohuan held Qin Yuanxi tightly, as if wanting to merge him into his very being. “Thank goodness it’s you.”
“Good boy.” Qin Yuanxi ruffled Lu Bohuan’s hair, coaxing him like a pet dog. “I’m the little angel sent by heaven to save you. No, scratch that. I’m the big angel, our little darling is the little angel. The two angelic father and son are here to save you. Enough?”
Qin Yuanxi was about to mention that if that wasn’t enough, he might even give birth to another one, but Lu Bohuan kissed him before he could finish.
“Enough. Heaven has shown mercy on me; this life is sufficient.”
The author has something to say: The story is nearing its end.
Hello, everyone ヾ(＾∇＾). I hope you enjoyed the story! If you’re feeling generous, please buy me a coffee, share/comment on my translated works! Check out the link below for early chapters. (๑>ᴗ<๑)
