最佳契合 (Perfect Match) – 十九瑶
Chapter 35
There were a lot of broken furniture and scattered pillows throughout the rental house. It appeared like the scene of a break-in at first sight, with all the cupboards open and empty except for the ones that could still be used.
As Zheng Feiluan cautiously approached, he pushed open the door and stepped on a rough and sharp object. Upon closer inspection, one can observe a shard of cream-colored ceramic that makes up the entire cup’s handle and a portion of its base. Scattering around it are approximately a dozen pieces of ceramic ash, which appear as splashes and bursts. Beside this, one can see a large amount of paint chipped off the white wall next to the object.
Looking at the broken ceramic in his hand, a big hole opened up in his memory. Sounds and pictures started to come flooding back.
……
Feiluan, get me some oil, okay?
Feiluan, I’ve never lied to you; you can trust me, right?
Thud!
The cup landed with a shocking thud from a considerable height and instantly shattered. Behind him, a twilight beam of light—dark gray and gloomy—shone through the window. Within that small window of clarity, He An’s expression changed, his pupils brimming with fear.
……
Memory no longer kept him safe. From the moment he stepped into the living room until he threw the cup, every single detail had been carved into Zheng Feiluan’s head. Even after noticing the four small words beneath the cup handle, he remembered something else.
The Blue Coffee House.
It was the name of the coffee shop close to He An’s apartment.
There, a year ago, he and He An had their one and only long conversation. At that time, it was autumn in Yuanjiang, so the temperature was quite low, and a thin layer of frost had formed on the morning grass. On the other side, He An sat with his head tilted, mouth covered, and cheeks flushed from coughing. To be polite, he called the waiter and asked for the most expensive Dutch hot chocolate on the menu. He An was touched and carefully held the cup. He put his head down and drank for a while. He appeared to have never experienced such mouth-watering food before.
Zheng Feiluan at the time believed that the forty-five cup price was what truly brought He An happiness. This invisible joy greatly exhausted him.
He thought he had seen past the poverty, narrow-mindedness, and greed that are built into omega’s nature, but when he saw this shattered cup, he realized he had missed so, so much.
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Without anyone or anything around him, Zheng Feiluan slumped on the couch in despair.
He An left him with barely anything but a few cardboard boxes.
On the coffee table, among a stack of old, wrinkled magazines, were several pieces of crumpled paper. A heavy coating of dust had settled onto the covers over the years. He picked up the scrap paper and turned it over in the hopes of seeing He An’s handwriting on it. Ads filled the first three pages, so he simply ignored them. He froze in an instant as he flipped to the fourth page.
After that, he furiously rolled up the paper into a ball and threw it into the far corner of the room, as if something had bothered him. Trying to hide his anxiety, he picked up a magazine without thinking, dusted it off, and started flipping through it randomly.
That piece of paper… was his handwritten “Agreement of Dissociation” from a year ago.
I thought I’d never see it again in my life.
The agreement, which was written in black and white, said that He An would leave the city center, get the marks on the back of his neck scraped off, and have an abortion. There are three of them, and each of them is cruel and can’t be discussed.
How could He An have it?
Didn’t Cheng Xiu put that through a paper shredder, crush it into pulp, recycle it, and shred it for good?
Even if Cheng Xiu decided not to destroy it but instead gave it to He An, why would He An want to hold on to it? This is not a gift, but a knife that cuts deep. Who in their right mind would want to keep the murder weapon after getting stabbed in the heart?
Zheng Feiluan felt a slight pain in his temples.
Being sensible and sober was something he was used to. Throughout his life, he always thought that everything made sense. However, this question seemed to block every rational answer he could find, like walking into a deep, bottomless pit and being stuck there forever.
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Sitting on the sofa, he held an old magazine in his hands, his wide eyes fixated on it. The glossy paper moved smoothly past one page and then stopped all of a sudden on the next.
The magazine is deceptive and cruel. It works similarly to a silent recorder. To be passed down from one generation to the next, the deformed spine remembers the parts that the owner reads most often. Zheng Feiluan saw his name in the title and a portrait of himself that filled an entire page—this was his exclusive interview.
The paper was wrinkled at the edges, but the first dozen pages looked completely new. The second dozen pages were the same, with the exception of the part about him.
He An really liked him a lot.
Unfortunately, his happiness didn’t last long, as a whole paragraph of his answer to the question about how to choose a mate was erased with a black oil pen on the third page of the interview.
What exactly does this answer say…?
The memory isn’t clear anymore. As Zheng Feiluan desperately tried to remember, the slow-moving clock in his head ticked away one by one. The magazine he was holding fell to the floor as his expression abruptly changed.
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At the time, he stated that he was looking for a partner who was strong-willed, self-reliant, and intelligent; who would love him deeply but not put him on a pedestal; who could rely on him sometimes but not live dependent on him; and that pheromones were the least important factor in his mate selection process. Omegas with high levels of compatibility will obviously win him over. Any omega that wants to take advantage of the high level of compatibility should switch targets right away.
However, he never answered questions about feelings, as usual. For the first time, he was unable to answer because he was consumed by shame and helplessness brought on by mating disorder.
He really wasn’t trying to make fun of He An. He wasn’t expecting that, as an employee of a pet store, he would pay CN¥25125 Chinese yuan, or approximately 3.50 USD. for a business magazine just for fun. He mostly told himself and the other people in the circle: I, Zheng Feiluan, am an alpha who can’t be manipulated by pheromones.
It’s as if making a declaration of some sort.
Even so, He An read it, and… most likely more than once.
Zheng Feiluan discovered something surprising while looking at the stack of old magazine boxes in front of him. He got up and threw the magazines to the ground.
There is a colorful cover, and there are weekly and monthly issues inside. The issues come and go, but they all have one thing in common: they all have some news about him, whether it’s short interview segments or longer stories.
He An, who lives on a tight budget, spent a fortune on magazines simply so he could see him.
He could practically see the scenario in his head: He An stood in the bookstore, taking the cold stare of the staff as he frantically browsed the freshly arrived magazines. Either he’ll disappointedly return it to the shelf or excitedly take out his wallet, pull out the hard-earned living expenses, and then bring the magazine home.
And the first issue dates back at least four years.
Four years ago… how did that happen?
He An likely had no opportunity to engage with him back then since he was just another average student at Yuanjiang University. Is it possible that He An had a secret crush on him even when they were so young?
Zheng Feiluan frowned as he flipped through the old magazines from four years ago.
In this particular magazine issue, his exclusive interview was issued. There was plenty of underlining and highlighting with different colored highlighters, as well as notes written in sophisticated handwriting. He An treated his interviews like study materials, carefully reading them and taking notes, just like a good student.
This goes beyond the simple affection between omega and alpha. It is much more complicated and deeper, and even if both reproduction and sex are taken away, it endures.
Zheng Feiluan’s heart was filled with conflicting feelings.
Why did he not see this before?
How could he not like He An when he was so in love with him?
He would undoubtedly adore He An and wouldn’t want to go without him for a single second. He would even go out of his way to embarrass He An by doing silly or outrageous things, like walking around campus with He An’s hand in his, like in a TV show, allowing the envious gazes of those around them on campus to fill him with the pride that every teenager has.
Or he could just bring him to all sorts of social events. Even if he’s shy or awkward at first, it doesn’t matter. His personality will develop into one that is more generous and decent as his knowledge grows.
But in the end, this collection of old magazines full of admiration was left behind in the rental house.
He An didn’t take them with him.
The tragic reality has wrecked He An’s future, and he has also shattered the dream that He An had.
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Zheng Feiluan read the magazines that He An had marked up one by one while sitting alone on the sofa. After setting down the magazine, he stood up and made his way to the bedroom, where he found and pushed open the unlocked door.
Even after all this time, the bed looked exactly like it did a year ago: a filthy, wrinkled mess.
The sheets had dried blood on them. As time went on, the color turned dull and black. He had left behind a white belt, which hung crookedly beside the bed. Dust settled on the pin buckle, and dark brown bloodstains stained the white leather’s edges.
The air still has a faint smell of blood. It’s been a year, and most of the smell is now hidden by dust. But for an alpha that is 100% compatible, it feels like it just flowed out of the omega’s veins.
Zheng Feiluan walked over, his palms sweating.
Looking back to that night, he saw He An struggling on the bed, lying on his back. The belt was wrapped around twice and tied like a chain. Because of the rough pulling and tossing, He An’s wrist had been torn and streaked with blood. Deadly cries and cries for help echoed through his entire body. He An sobbed and yelled: Please, the child is nine months old and can live. Please let go…
He rushed forward in a state of extreme panic, but he only managed to grab the sheet that was stained with blood.
The blood has dried up and solidified into a stiff crust of cloth.
The sheets soaked in blood were harder than Zheng Feiluan was expecting. He grabbed it and squeezed his fingers together. While he was in a state of trance, he felt the dried blood transform into sticky, wet, bright red fluid as it flowed between his fingers.
He An quietly passed out in front of him.
He reached out and touched the bulging belly. The skin was warm, there were small drops of sweat, and there were slight movements, but the child inside looked like they were asleep and refused to move for a long time.
Zheng Feiluan felt scared.
He got on the bed, put his cheek against He An’s belly, and begged in a low voice: You’re a good baby. Give Daddy a gentle kick in his hand, and tell Daddy you’re still alive… Baby, just a little kick, please…
But there was no movement at all under the palm of his hand.
What can he do?
It’s been a year, and what was supposed to happen has long since happened. He An and the child have both gone away, leaving him with only a haunting memory. But Zheng Feiluan still hugged and kissed the back of the hallucinated omega’s neck and bare shoulders. All of his body’s soothing pheromones poured out and formed an invisible barrier around the omega and his child to protect them.
The scent of blood-stained lily of the valley caused Zheng Feiluan to reflect on many things.
He and He An have an absurdly romantic relationship. The absurd part is not the love itself, but how they met and fell in love. Despite the fact that they had never been so close while awake, He An fell head over heels for him. He pretended to be level-headed and rational, but whenever he thought about He An, and how he would whisper in his ear how much he wanted him to go back to sleep, every standard for choosing a mate became meaningless.
Is he in love with this omega?
He doesn’t know.
He couldn’t think right now. The only thing he could do was hold He An tightly, maybe even aggressively, and cover him with an overwhelming amount of pheromones, much like how a person would reflexively protect their weakest part from a punch.
He has no idea how much time has passed, but just as He An’s condition had improved slightly, an uninvited guest barged into the room.
Zheng Feiluan’s mind was exhausted, and he didn’t have time to figure out who the other person was or what they were trying to do. Within a split second, his muscles tensed to their maximum potential, triggering the alpha’s terrifying pheromone defense.
Then, he heard He An say, “Feiluan, be quiet.”
Quiet.
His throat had been bound by an unbreakable lock.
The guest carried his omega with no explanation. Zheng Feiluan nearly went insane with panic—this won’t work, it won’t work! Without the alpha’s protection, omega will die on the way to the hospital!
He grabbed the blanket, trying to get up and leave with them, but He An said something.
He warned, “Feiluan, let go.”
……
He doesn’t want him anymore.
He despises his company, rejects his protection, and cannot wait to leave him, even if his life is on the line. Zheng Feiluan had to let go of his hand and watch helplessly as his omega was carried out of the bedroom, leaving only the smell of blood behind.
He waited all night, but his omega didn’t come back.
He waited another year, but his omega still hadn’t come back.
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Translated and edited by janemoyu (01/26/24)
