最佳契合 (Perfect Match) – 十九瑶
Chapter 40
A string of windchimes hangs in front of the milk tea shop. The clinking sounds are dancing to the wind, jingling, then stopping for a while, and the ceramic cat swings on the rope, moving its paws back and forth to attract wealth.
Occasionally, a few tourists pass by and push the door to order drinks. While waiting, the store manager will suggest to them some interesting secret spots in the town, and they will chat for a while. As soon as their talk is over, their orders will also be ready. The tourists will take it, and rush to their next destination, not giving a glance to the curtain of green roses next to them.
And right behind the curtain, by the window, He An was sitting face-to-face with Zheng Feiluan.
The time was ticking, and neither of them talked.
Zheng Feiluan lowered his head, resting both his elbows on the table, and subconsciously squeezed his crossed fingers. His brows were frowning, and his expression was glum, revealing clear signs of discomfort.
Just now, he lost the only leverage he had, in a way like it was the final blow—which was first proposed by him personally, therefore it cannot be overturned.
He An really doesn’t love him anymore.
In those long minutes, Zheng Feiluan’s mind went blank, and he didn’t even know how to respond.
He came here with full confidence that He An still loved him, and he made absolutely no plans for when the situation would turn out otherwise. So, when that slap in the face came out of nowhere, he wasn’t prepared at all.
Should I stay and plead?
Can I still win him back?
He An doesn’t love him anymore, and if he continues to bother him blatantly, he’ll look like a moron.
The alpha’s dignity is in peril, and he has to admit it whether he likes it or not. Zheng Feiluan swallowed the bitter taste and convinced himself to calm down over and over again: he had experienced too many high-pressure situations and knew that childishly covering his ears and yelling “it’s not real” wouldn’t change reality. He also knew that accepting it as it was would be the best long-term solution.
He needs to keep his sanity and accept reality as soon as possible so that the conversation can go on. It was only when the conversation continued that he thought of another way.
If there is truly another way.
While he was thinking about all this, He An had been sitting quietly across the table.
The radiant sunlight shone on the omega, and the clear glass reflected his graceful silhouette. He’s gentle by nature, and even if he rejected Zheng Feiluan, he won’t grab an opportunity to do anything sarcastic or insulting.
⋮
”Is he… Dai Xiao, is he good to you?” Zheng Feiluan asked stiffly after a long time.
He An nodded.
Zheng Feiluan, who was overly jealous and constantly suspected that Dai Xiao wasn’t being sincere with He An, asked, “Then why didn’t he mark you? You’re an omega, and you don’t have an alpha’s mark on you. Isn’t he afraid that you’ll be harassed when you go out?”
“It’s not that he doesn’t want to mark me, it’s that I can’t be marked.” He An said with a light smile.
Zheng Feiluan scowled, “What do you mean?”
“Here…” He An pointed at his nape, “If you bite here, it will break.”
Zheng Feiluan suddenly froze.
He was actually surprised he forgot.
An artificial gland was implanted in the back of He An’s neck, which was a set of delicate and fragile organs. Unlike the natural gland that’s alive with flesh and blood and could heal itself quickly if bitten, that thing… is afraid that an alpha’s canine teeth would bite it off, breaking it in pieces.
Zheng Feiluan slowly closed his eyes and said in a low voice, “I’m sorry.”
Zheng Feiluan had limited knowledge about the surgery from last year. He always thought it was a typical minimally invasive medical procedure that was harmless, reversible, and had no residual effects. He An brought it up today, and he realized that certain matters weren’t actually that simple.
He pressed his clenched fists together, took a deep breath, and asked, “Other than that, is there any other problem?”
He hoped the answer would be a “no”, so that the guilt would be eased a little.
However, He An answered, “I sort of have a few.”
Zheng Feiluan immediately realized something was wrong, “What is it?”
He An is a person who’s always been tolerant. He always swallows all the minor illnesses and pains that he can endure through his teeth and never shows any signs in front of other people. If he said “some”, it must be a serious problem.
Zheng Feiluan’s nerves tensed up, afraid to hear an answer that he couldn’t bear.
Meanwhile, He An was very calm.
He looked out the window and observed the backpackers passing by one after another for a while, then turned his gaze back and said softly, “I don’t go into heat periods anymore, I don’t have sexual urges, and I probably won’t be able to have children in the future.”
“Why is that so?” Zheng Feiluan was concerned.
He An chuckled bitterly, “When you arranged the surgery for me, did you not read up on it at all?”
“….”
Zheng Feiluan was speechless.
At that time, he was eager to get rid of the mate-seeking disorder, and gave Jiang Qi a deadly instruction asking him to find a surgery that could cut off the attachment between pheromones, with only one condition: it must be permanent. As for the post-operation side effects, he didn’t ask, so Jiang Qi didn’t say anything.
So to this day, he still wasn’t aware of the consequences of gland replacement.
He An sighed softly.
It was as if a small hole had been poked in his heart, and all the resentment that had built up in the past, and the part of him that blames Zheng Feiluan for being cruel and heartless, had all flowed out—Zheng Feiluan being ruthless wasn’t the problem, not really. All the pain he has endured so far, all stems from the Zheng Feiluan who “didn’t care”.
He didn’t care.
How simple yet a chilling phrase.
⋮
He picked up the small decorative doll on the table and fiddled with it while slowly telling Zheng Feiluan.
The gland replacement surgery wasn’t particularly designed to change the type of pheromone, or it could be put this way: the changing of the pheromone type was just a minor giveaway.
Its true purpose was to prevent heat periods by controlling pheromones.
Pheromones are the root cause of biological urges. When the brain orders the glands to emit a large amount of pheromones, sexual desires arise, and the omega will go into heat. During this period, the pheromone concentration will stay at a very high level for a great amount of time, causing the omega to lose its mind, craving strongly for love from the alpha, and achieving passionate intercourse.
But artificial glands are different.
It is not controlled by the brain; the concentration is fixed, and it doesn’t get stronger or weaker. Once replaced by an artificial gland, the natural gland will be put to sleep, then heat periods will stop while bodily functions will be maintained. Of course, the steady pheromones cannot stimulate lust, and as a result, the recipient will lose pleasure and the ability to ejaculate.
Fate is naturally unfair to omegas, placing freedom and pleasure at opposite ends of a scale, making it difficult to have both. Even the most freedom-loving omega has to think hard and long before making a choice.
And He An didn’t have any choice.
On the day he signed the informed consent form for the surgery, he neither knew nor consented, but no one cared about how he felt. His strong passion and pleasure as an omega were forcefully taken away.
“So this year, you’ll never…”
Zheng Feiluan spoke but stopped.
He An smiled, “It’s not like everything’s totally gone. When I wake up in the morning, I still get a reaction every now and then.”
“Then what?”
“Then… I get up to take care of Linglan, clean up the inn, and attend to the newly checked-in guests. There are so many things waiting for me to do. I’m too busy to care about that.”
That means it’s1He An’s sex drive gone.
The little nightingale that used to lie under him and moan, was so sensitive and embarrassed, and blushed at every move, was only left with an empty shell.
“What about children?” Zheng Feiluan asked hurriedly, “What about not being able to have them again?”
Just after asking, he figured it out at once.
It was obvious.
Pheromones can be replaced, but DNA cannot. If He An had gotten pregnant, and the child inherits the original DNA, it will definitely need the natural pheromones to develop properly. How could He An, an empty flower pot without soil or nutrients, be able to carry a child?
Zheng Feiluan rubbed his eyebrows in frustration.
The overwhelming regret weighed down on him, forming thorns in his heart and raging pain in his bones.
This surgery, the minimally invasive procedure, which he thought was safe and harmless, had in fact taken away all of He An’s physical characteristics and turned him into an almost genderless person. He seemed to be living a normal life, but he couldn’t be emotional, make love, or have children. For an omega who longs for love and family, this is as serious as physical and mental abuse.
Zheng Feiluan took a deep breath and his body trembled violently.
He asked himself, what right do you have to feel jealous?
What else should you be jealous of?
Jealous of Dai Xiao being together with He An?
No, that was a lie. Your omega, he can no longer be with any Alpha – he’s already been ruined by your selfish desires.
⋮
In his lowered vision, he could still see a pair of pale hands on the table.
It looked very pretty with all of its fingers bent, holding a tiny fat bear sewn in cotton. When he pressed it, a part of the bear’s round belly became dented, and then it was fluffed up by the expanding cotton wool. He tugged the little bear’s ears with his fingertips. The movement was swift, his nails were shiny, perfectly clipped like the arc of the moon, and his finger joints were more elegant than jade carvings.
Do these beautiful hands… have a different look?
Would it clench into a fist in pain? Would the palms bleed and the nails break when it claws at the sheets, yanks the fabric, and will it leave a sweaty hand print?
Was its owner ever in pain? If he was, just how much?
Did the owner’s tears ever fall on the back of this hand? How hot was it?
Zheng Feiluan stared at the hands intently and suddenly held them.
”Let’s do the surgery again, He An, once more! Your natural glands haven’t been removed yet. In just half an hour, everything can be recovered!” He begged frantically, “He An, come home with me. Let’s put an end to this misery!”
He An politely withdrew his hand.
“It’s a blessing in disguise. Compared to the days in Yuanjiang when I couldn’t control myself, I have a daughter now, friends, living in a small inn, and I’m very content. As for the physical needs… I’ve experienced it before, and I don’t feel comfortable with it. So, if I’ve lost it, then I lost it.”
He stood up, and the bright sunlight outside the window hit his face, making his face somewhat hazy.
“Mr. Zheng, in any case, we’ve already signed an agreement. I promised you I’d leave Yuanjiang and never come back. I hope you’ll also go along with the deal, and never get involved with each other again. Anyhow, if you really like me, show me some respect and let me stay here.”
He opened his wallet, took out a bill, and pressed it flatly under the mug.
“We’re in a small town with fewer cars. It’s 10:08 now, and the bus to the airport has just left, and it’ll be another fifty-two minutes before the next one leaves. Since you’re already here, consider it as a vacation and take a walk around the town.”
After saying these words, He An neatly placed the tiny bear back on the table, and walked out of the milk tea shop.
⋮
The cup of hot cocoa is still the same as when it was served moments ago, not a single drop missing. It was no longer steaming, and the sweet aroma swirling through the ripples was gone.
Zheng Feiluan’s heart suddenly felt empty.
It is clean and surrounded by white walls. If you reach out and knock, you would hear the echoing loneliness for a long time.
It was as if he watched the gates of this southern town close in front of him, feeling miserable and abandoned, with a look of sadness towards the person who just left.
✕✕✕
Translated and edited by janemoyu (10/21/23)
