Chi Qiu was like having one foot hanging in the air, one foot on the edge of the cliff. This time, he finally stepped on the air. His heart plunged downward until there was a moment when it would finally fall to the point of not even crumbs left.
He couldn’t help but clench his teeth and was about to have a fit, but Lu Ming’s words blocked his anger.
“It’s my fault for deceiving you. I know there is no use for me to say anything now. But not wanting you to leave is my truest thought at this moment, I have to tell that to you.” Lu Ming’s adam’s apple moved up and down as he said: “I’m here today. No matter what you ask, I won’t say anything. It’s just that there are a few words that I’ve thought about all night and I still want to tell you.”
Whether it would be a divorce or not, Lu Ming would agree.
Because this was something that couldn’t be changed. Chi Qiu already knew all the truth, even if Lu Ming himself didn’t want to divorce and didn’t want all his previous efforts to be wasted, it was all in vain.
Even though Lu Ming hadn’t slept for a whole night, he was different from ordinary people. His thoughts were still clear and he rationally analyzed various inevitable elements.
“My mother, Lu You, was indirectly driven to death by Lu Rongtian and Zhen Zhen. In order to get back at them, I investigated you. After seeing the news that you had been looking for me, I immediately made arrangements for Jin Chengjun and quickly returned to China. So I’ll be able to marry you smoothly and snatch away the property they cared most about.”
It was only a few short sentences, but since Lu Ming and Chi Qiu got married, this was the most honest conversation between them.
“I’m sorry about what happened to Chi Xia and Jin Chengjun. I have no intention of hurting Chi Xia. From the information I got, she and Jin Chengjun were in love with each other. But for family reasons, Jin Chengjun didn’t have the courage to confess his love, while Chi Xia was waiting for him. I thought my ‘matchmaking’ would end in a happy ending, but I didn’t expect it to turn out to be a mess, causing so much trouble for Chi Xia and you.”
Lu Ming’s throat seemed to have sand in it, causing Chi Qiu’s ear to hurt.
Sometimes, the truth was like a sharp needle piercing the ear.
Lu Ming’s lips quivered: “Chi Qiu…I actually, have never thought about treating you poorly. You married me so I’m very grateful to you. So I vowed to be good to you and loyal to you for the rest of my life. I thought this was not wrong. It is my stubbornness that hurts you.”
It was like a quid pro quo, exchanging ‘one’ for ‘one’.
But what Lu Ming did not understand was that in a marriage, mutual loyalty was the foundation, but only love could make it last for a long time.
He didn’t have this feeling, and naturally he didn’t understand these things. In his eyes, anything had become a loveless exchange of equivalence.
Chi Qiu listened to his words, looking into his eyes in disappointment as his lips and teeth tightened. One of his hands clenched together hard, his neatly trimmed nails pinched out red marks on his skin.
Seeing this, Lu Ming reached out and covered Chi Qiu’s hands, trying to stop Chi Qiu from abusing himself.
Chi Qiu shook off his hand and smiled miserably, “So?”
“It’s better for me to tell these things to you myself.” Lu Ming spoke up and took the initiative to admit all his mistakes as he sincerely apologized to Chi Qiu.
If it was for his premeditated consideration, at this moment, he should find a way to try his best to keep Chi Qiu. But when he looked at Chi Qiu’s pale face, it was hard to tell a lie.
Reason told him to fix it, quickly to redeem himself.
But in the face of Chi Qiu’s broken heart, Lu Ming couldn’t continue to be selfish after all.
Chi Qiu still didn’t understand his intention: “What’s the use of you telling me this now?”
“Chi Qiu, I know you can’t forgive me, I won’t ask for your forgiveness. This matter is my fault, but you asked me last night if I love you…”
Chi Qiu held his breath.
Lu Ming answered him: “I told you at the time that I don’t know what it is like to love someone. This is the truth, not perfunctory. My condition, uncle should have mentioned it to you. But last night I thought about it carefully. If what you are asking is whether I have ever loved you, I may still not be able to answer you.”
“…”
“Because I have no past memories about you.” Lu Ming said truthfully, “Since my mother passed away, I have lost some of my memories. Including the time I spent with you.”
He remembered everything, except most of the things about Lu You and the past about Chi Qiu, which he had locked away.
Lu Ming did not know how hurtful this honesty of his was in Chi Qiu’s ears.
——He didn’t forget anything, he only forgot about him.
Chi Qiu numbly lowered his eyes. He didn’t know how long he would have to suffer such torture. He did not want to listen to Lu Ming’s repeated apologies; these were the sharpest words in his ears. They were of no use except to hurt him.
“You forgot about me?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” Chi Qiu found that what he asked the most was why, but he still couldn’t understand Lu Ming.
Lu Ming shook his hand, the pain in his whole body was continuous: “I don’t know, I can’t remember what I went through in the first place.”
However, Chi Qiu knew what he had gone through. Lu Fengshen once said that when Lu Ming was seriously ill before, he sealed away all the memories that had been causing him pain. As a result, he became apathetic. Because only in this way could his feelings be stable and not be driven by any emotions.
But Chi Qiu never thought that it was him who was sealed away.
Lu Ming’s arrival today did not give any relief to Chi Qiu’s pain, but instead made it self-defeating and added fuel to the fire. Lu Ming indeed messed up, no longer having a favorable advantage.
Chi Qiu did not want to oppose any of it. He looked embarrassed as he said: “Don’t say it anymore.”
Lu Ming closed his mouth and the words that were half spoken came to an abrupt end. He quietly stayed by Chi Qiu’s side, having no intention of leaving.
Chi Qiu couldn’t help but ask him, “What exactly are you going to do?”
Lu Ming looked at him and took out the wedding ring box he had been keeping in his pocket, “Chi Qiu, I don’t want to divorce you.”
“…”
“I’m not doing it because of property.”
Chi Qiu frowned in confusion.
“Chi Qiu, can you…give me one more chance.” Lu Ming said at last. Actually he was a little anxious that he stammered: “I have no previous memories, if you are around me, I may be able to think about it. At that time, my, my answer will be the right answer.”
Chi Qiu was speechless.
Lu Ming’s heart, however, was screaming; it could not stand a home that had been thrown away by Chi Qiu. He whispered, as if begging: “Can you help me?”
But why?
Chi Qiu still said: “Why?”
Lu Ming raised his eyes, that pair of eyes were slightly red. It was the first time that Chi Qiu saw him in such a sad state, as if his true feelings were revealed, as if the thousand-year-old iron tree was blooming.
Chi Qiu closed his eyes and refused the wedding ring brought by Lu Ming: “Don’t you think you’re so contradictory? You don’t love me, nor you’re doing it for property, so why do you want to marry me?”
Just two sentences; ‘do not want to divorce’ and ‘help me’?
This reason was too absurd and there was no way it would be able to convince Chi Qiu.
His heart was already cold to the core, but he had to face the scars over and over again: “Lu Ming, I hope you understand. Our relationship is not something that can be changed with a light apology from you. I sympathize with you, but there is no way I can continue to be with you.”
Lu Ming’s heart was like it was twisted with a knife. From yesterday to today, his heart miraculously recovered its pain.
Chi Qiu lowered his cold voice: “You say you have no memory and want me to help you so you can find the answer, whether you love me or not. But why should I do that?”
“Chi Qiu…”
“The memory is yours, and if you really want to get it back, you don’t need anyone’s help at all.”
At this point in the conversation, nothing mattered to Chi Qiu.
“Maybe it’s because it’s not important to you, that’s why you forgot it.”
If that was the case, then there was no need for Lu Ming to recover it.
And that answer, Chi Qiu didn’t want it anymore, it didn’t matter anymore.
Sometimes, if something arrived too late, it would expire on the way.
In Chi Qiu’s eyes, the once adoration had turned to ashes, floating on a windowsill. It was all choking dust, and it was an expired dream when he was young.
“Lu Ming, actually, actually I’m now able to accept the fact that you no longer love me. Anyone has a time when they are ignorant and young, I don’t regret meeting you, but I regret believing in you ten years later.”
Chi Qiu tried his best and made the decision: “Let’s get a divorce.”
Lu Ming’s heart swelled with grief, and the long-lost pain struck him to death. The frequent discomfort kneaded his stagnant thoughts, falling from the sky, shattering them again and again.
He had said the wrong thing again.
It was wrong to lie, and it was even wrong to tell the truth.
Chi Qiu doesn’t seem to love him that much anymore. It was him who destroyed this love step by step in the wrong way.
Lu Ming realized this clearly and accepted the reality helplessly: “…Okay..”
Knowing that Chi Qiu didn’t want to pay any attention to him, he got up and stepped out. Chi Qiu suddenly stopped him. He hurriedly stopped, but only to hear Chi Qiu saying this——
“I’ve thought about what you did to Chi Xia. Just like you said, you only helped Jin Chengjun muster the courage to pursue her. Since they started off their relationship with mutual affection, you probably can’t be blamed for the end of their relationship.”
Chi Qiu pursed his lips: “So I won’t tell anyone about this, nor will I ruin your place in the Lu family. It’s hard for you, I know…”
This was also Chi Qiu’s last tolerance for Lu Ming.
Lu Ming squeezed his hand tightly, his palm was hot. His breathing was heavy, spitting out silent pain over and over again.
Chi Qiu lowered his head, refusing to look at his expression: “In exchange…Lu Ming, on grandpa’s side, I hope you will come forward alone and tell him that we are getting a divorce. You can think of your own reasons, saying we have broken up or blame the cause on me. I don’t want anything, you draw up the agreement, I just want a divorce as soon as possible.”
The implication was that Chi Qiu didn’t want to contact anyone in the Lu family anymore and Chi Qiu didn’t want to be tied to him even for a minute.
Ji Yanchen, who had been around downstairs for a while, waited outside the door early. He knew that eavesdropping was not good, but he was really worried about Chi Qiu. He was afraid that when Chi Qiu and Lu Ming were together, they would become what they were yesterday.
He unethically squatted at the door of the ward, his ear pressed against the door panel, vaguely listening to the conversation between the two. From time to time, he would clench his fist.
He tsk-ed, Lu Ming, this person, couldn’t even apologize properly. It was lucky for him to propose successfully at the beginning!
The nurse just passed by again. She stared at Ji Yanchen strangely, and her body language seemed to regard Ji Yanchen as a suspicious person. Ji Yanchen mistakenly thought that the nurse was going to call the security guard again so he got up in a hurry, standing aside obediently and leaning against the wall as he gave the nurse a cute smile.
The nurse muttered: “Weird…” but did not care too much about it.
Once the nurse left, Ji Yanchen continued to listen to the corner of the wall with his ear.
Lu Ming’s voice was deep, echoing in the limited space: “Grandpa has been in bad health recently, so I’m afraid he won’t be able to take this blow. I don’t intend to delay your time, but I hope you can give me some time.”
No matter what, Elder Lu was ultimately Lu Ming’s grandfather.
It was Lu Rongtian and Zhen Zhen who made the mistake and even if Elder Lu was partial to Lu Yinliang, Lu Ming had never really resented him. At the beginning, Elder Lu intended to take Lu Ming with him and raise him, but Lu Ming was reluctant to part with Lu You so he refused him.
Chi Qiu thought about how much Elder Lu had sided with him and replied, “Okay.”
After speaking, in less than a minute, Lu Ming slowly opened the door of the ward.
Ji Yanchen cleared his throat. Standing against the wall with a guilty conscience, he pretended to ask: “Is it finished?”
Lu Ming didn’t look at him. The whole person was a little unstable. He made up his mind and left the hospital directly.
Ji Yanchen couldn’t help saying: “What an ugly face…” As a result, as soon as he entered the ward, Chi Qiu’s face was even uglier.
