After nearly half a month.
At the end of June, in the southern small town, the humid and sultry weather was like a steamer, making people completely unenthusiastic.
After replying to the last email, Bai Sijun closed his computer, rubbed his forehead wearily.
The bedroom door suddenly opened, and his sister Bai Jiajia stuck half of her body in, saying, “Come and help your niece with her homework; my head is about to explode.”
Bai Sijun got up in response, walked out mechanically, but at this moment, Bai Jiajia suddenly grabbed his arm and frowned, “Can you change your expression?”
Bai Sijun had no reaction, and Bai Jiajia continued, “You’ve been back for half a month, and every day you look half-dead. What’s going on with you?”
“Hmm?” Bai Sijun reluctantly forced a smile.
His sister and her family lived next door. Bai Sijun headed to their place, with Bai Jiajia constantly talking in his ear, but he didn’t listen to anything.
His niece was in the third grade of elementary school, and the homework was extremely simple. However, the most frustrating thing was that no matter how you explained it, she just didn’t understand. Even when encountering the same type of question next, she still made the same mistakes.
Bai Jiajia ran out of patience, but Bai Sijun was different. He explained the same problem over and over, showing no impatience at all, like a pre-set learning machine.
Seeing him like this, Bai Jiajia couldn’t bear it. She let her daughter go watch TV and then pulled Bai Sijun aside, saying, “Come on, let’s go out for skewers.”
Bai Sijun didn’t want to go out, and he wrinkled his brow, “Forget it, it’s too hot in the middle of the day.”
Without saying a word, Bai Jiajia pulled him out, “It’s cool in the evening, not hot.”
When they arrived at the skewers place, Bai Sijun, with little appetite, poked at the garlic eggplant on the plate with chopsticks. Bai Jiajia took a sip of beer and casually asked, “Did you get dumped by your girlfriend?”
Bai Sijun’s movements paused for a moment, and he replied expressionlessly, “No.”
“You were dumped.” Bai Jiajia put down her chopsticks and said decisively, “Mom introduced you to two girls, but you didn’t go to meet them. You wouldn’t have been like this before. Something must be wrong with you.”
Bai Sijun curled his lips, and his sister really understood him. He took a deep breath and continued with a deflated tone, “Well, it’s not that I got dumped.”
“Then did you get rejected when you pursued someone?” Bai Jiajia asked.
“No.” Bai Sijun shook his head.
“Did you get cheated on again?” Bai Jiajia knew about the previous incident with Xiao Ai.
“No.” Bai Sijun shook his head again.
“Then what’s going on?” Bai Jiajia asked.
Bai Sijun was annoyed by the questions. He pursed his lips and said, “My partner is a man.”
Bai Jiajia’s expression completely froze, but Bai Sijun suddenly felt relieved. He picked up the wine glass and took a sip. Bai Jiajia was still in a daze, and he put down the glass and said, “You heard it right, I like men.”
“What’s wrong with you?” Bai Jiajia’s expression was still in shock, “You weren’t like this before, right?”
“Well, now it’s like this.” Bai Sijun replied vaguely.
“Are you two breaking up now?” Bai Jiajia continued to ask, “Is he getting married or something?”
“No.” Bai Sijun sighed, his expression becoming melancholic, “Sister, it’s me who left him again.”
After that day, Bai Sijun finally understood why Mei Yuchen started writing brainless romance novels. Because the feeling of being in love is hard to control, just like he knew that the two protagonists in the book could not end up together, but he still couldn’t control the desire for Mei Yuchen to write it that way.
If Mei Yuchen’s new book was just to satisfy his selfish desires, it wouldn’t matter even if Xiaojun and Xiaole had bed scenes in the book. But this new book was going to be published, to compete for the Xingmu Award, and to tell everyone that Mei Yuchen was not out of talent.
Logic told Bai Sijun that Xiaojun and Xiaole couldn’t be together.
On the one hand, the theme of same-sex love could never win a mainstream literary award in China. On the other hand, Mei Yuchen’s story was a suspenseful one, and tragedies were often more thought-provoking than comedies. So no matter how you looked at it, the story of Xiaojun and Xiaole was destined to be a tragedy.
Of course, Bai Sijun knew that Xiaojun and Xiaole were not him and Mei Yuchen. The tragedy in the book didn’t mean that he and Mei Yuchen had to end tragically. But…
He was still too afraid.
Mei Yuchen had turned the work into a romance novel because of him.
Even turning such an exciting story into an outline was also because of him.
He didn’t want Mei Yuchen to ruin his writing because of him because, no matter what, he couldn’t bear to be the stumbling block on Mei Yuchen’s path to winning awards.
On the day he left, he had a lot to say to Mei Yuchen, but he wouldn’t write sentimental words. So, in the end, he left a note while Mei Yuchen was asleep.
“Mei, the latter part needs to slow down. If you want to win an award, the two main characters can’t be together. I don’t want to affect your writing, so I’ll leave for a while. Hongtu’s Zhao Lin will be your editor. I’ll come back when your new book is published. PS. Don’t contact me; I won’t be using my phone for a while.”
“So, you quit your job for this person?” Bai Jiajia slammed down her glass, looking displeased. “Who is this author?”
“Don’t blame him; it’s my choice,” Bai Sijun couldn’t help but defend.
“You sacrificed so much for him. What if his book turns out to be garbage and doesn’t win any awards?” Bai Jiajia stubbornly retorted.
Bai Sijun insisted, “He will definitely win this time.”
“Oh my, with my temper, I really want to…” Bai Jiajia stopped mid-sentence, then suddenly changed the subject. “So, you plan to be with him in the future?”
Bai Sijun vaguely agreed, “Yes.”
“You…” Bai Jiajia hesitated for a moment. “I know society is becoming more open-minded now, and there are many couples like you, but… Mom definitely won’t agree.”
Bai Sijun remained silent without responding. He could avoid blind dates, not get married, and delay it until he was thirty. As for what would happen afterward, he wasn’t in a hurry to consider it now.
“Think about it,” Bai Jiajia continued, “Our family has only one man, and I gave birth to a daughter. Mom definitely expects you to carry on the family line.”
“I’m not worried about Mom now,” Bai Sijun said.
“Then what are you worried about now?” Bai Jiajia asked.
“I…” Bai Sijun opened his mouth and spoke softly, “I’m more worried that I’ll abandon him again, and he’ll blame me.”
“I really…” Bai Jiajia made a gesture of wanting to hit someone, and finally said helplessly, “You’re beyond help.”
“Yeah,” Bai Sijun smiled lightly, “I’ve been beyond help for a long time.”
After parting ways with Bai Jiajia, Bai Sijun returned to the family home . His mother, Lan Yue, asked why he was out for so long. He replied that he went out with Bai Jiajia to have a late-night snack, and Lan Yue didn’t ask further.
After washing up, he returned to the bedroom, locked the door, and took out a black and white scarf from the wardrobe.
That day, he left in a hurry, only bringing necessary items like a computer. He didn’t even pack many clothes. However, despite that, he put the scarf Mei Yuchen had worn into his backpack.
The scarf still carried the scent of Mei Yuchen’s laundry detergent, a pleasant lavender fragrance. Although Mei Yuchen had mentioned several times for him to return the scarf, he pretended to forget about it.
He and Mei Yuchen each had two identical scarves. The one in his possession had Mei Yuchen’s scent, while the one Mei Yuchen still carried his scent.
He liked this kind of secret intimacy, even though at that time, he didn’t realize he had already fallen for Mei Yuchen.
Taking a deep breath, the familiar scent rushed into his nostrils, and Bai Sijun couldn’t help but reach down his pants.
…
Not enough, far from enough.
No matter what, his own hands couldn’t produce the pleasure that Mei Yuchen gave him. The place that should be filled could only shrink pitifully. Previously, after each release, it would be followed by tender kisses and warm hugs. But now, there was only endless emptiness and boundless longing.
The scarf couldn’t replace Mei Yuchen, but what else could he do? The only thing left by his side was this scarf.
Mid-July had turned the weather into a furnace. Just being outside could make one feel the scorching and irritating stickiness in the air.
The small city where Bai Sijun’s hometown was located had only one large bookstore, not far from Bai Sijun’s home, taking about fifteen minutes to walk. Despite the unfriendly weather, Bai Sijun went to the bookstore every day without fail.
Even his mother, Lan Yue, said that since he liked that bookstore so much, he might as well find a part-time job there. It would be better than him absentmindedly watching over the family grocery store every day.
Moreover, the grocery store already had hired assistants, making his presence unnecessary.
After having lunch at the store one day, Bai Sijun headed to the bookstore as usual. Before leaving, Lan Yue stopped him, saying, “Come back early in the afternoon. Aunt Luo invited us to dinner at her place tonight.”
Bai Sijun found it strange, “Why the sudden dinner invitation?”
Lan Yue said, “Her son got into Peking University. It’s a simple dinner with the neighbors to celebrate.”
Bai Sijun didn’t think too much and nodded, “Okay.”
He hadn’t used his phone for a long time. He had logged into JD.com on his computer and saw that a week ago, the online bookstore had put up Mei Yuchen’s new book. However, the title, cover, and price were all blank, making it temporarily unavailable for purchase.
The introduction page mentioned that it would be released online and offline simultaneously, but the specific time was not mentioned. Bai Sijun went to check Douban; readers in the comment section were urging every day. Some had even given the yet-to-be-released book a 9-point rating.
These days, Bai Sijun ran to the bookstore every day, just hoping to buy Mei Yuchen’s new book as soon as possible. However, even the bookstore staff didn’t know exactly when this new book would be available.
Unlike large city bookstores, small city bookstores didn’t engage in much marketing. When a new book was released, at most, there would be a poster hanging outside.
Recently, the front door of this bookstore had been consistently displaying the poster for Qi Jun’s new book. Qi Jun’s previous book, “The Secret of the Trash Can,” had already fallen from the top of the bestseller list. However, his new book had not been on the market for half a month yet and, with the overwhelming promotion from Hongtu, had surged to the top of the bestseller list.
Bai Sijun glanced at the place where the poster was usually hung, not paying much attention, and then pushed open the door of the bookstore. However, just at that moment, he suddenly stopped in his tracks, and his gaze snapped back to the window where a poster was hanging.
Qi Jun’s new book poster had a dark color scheme and was very conspicuous on the transparent glass window. But that day, the familiar black was gone, replaced by a light green poster.
Before a book is released, it may have several versions of the title, and even after finalization, the name may still be changed. Bai Sijun had no idea what Mei Yuchen’s new book was called, but now, looking at the poster in front of him, he felt his heart was about to catch fire.
Mei Yuchen’s new book was actually called “Confession.”
Bai Sijun took a deep breath, walked hastily into the bookstore, and then picked up the long-awaited book from the new book display.
He suppressed the trembling of his fingertips, opened the cover, and in the next moment, the book’s information page suddenly came into view.
Author: Mei Yuchen
Special Editor: Bai Sijun
Tears the size of beans unexpectedly slid down without warning, dropping onto the pale yellow paper emitting the fragrance of ink, creating small flowers around those two tightly arranged names.
