Chapter 15: “Is it the right thing?”
I had a dream.
It’s my childhood dream.
A dream I had when I was still in the lower grades of elementary school.
It wasn’t some fantastical dream like flying in the sky or meeting a mermaid, but a refrain from days gone by.
At that time, I was more mischievous than anyone else and always took the initiative in everything I did. I was always able to say whatever I wanted, and I was also full of pranks, so I often caused trouble for my teacher. I didn’t know how to hold back, and it was common for me to get into trouble for my parents by complaining in front of the toy store.
Even though I was like that, my parents showed me endless love, and in the end they always bought me the toy I wanted. That’s why I thought nothing wouldn’t go my way.
If I’m selfish, if I complain, everything will turn out the way I want it to.
I still find it strange that even though I am such a selfish person, I was not hated by those around me. This is probably the result of my innate brightness and my parents who never made the mistake of guiding me.
――Do the right thing.
That’s what my parents always said when buying toys for me. I’ve always been told that since I was little. As I grew older, I realized how difficult it was, but I was still sensitive to the judgment of right and wrong.
They do things that they probably know are wrong without any hesitation.
Even if I didn’t say it out loud, just thinking about it made my anger well up.
When an upperclassman offered me a cigarette, I flatly refused because I was underage. I knew my parents would cry and it went against my principles. The upperclassmen told me sarcastically that I was acting like a good kid, but it didn’t matter to me.
I was able to live my life with pride because I was confident that I had done the right thing.
I was loved by my parents and lived my life the way I wanted without any inconvenience. Because I liked doing the right thing, I was faithful to the rules and was a model student.
It’s natural. It’s obvious. I shouldn’t be wrong, yet……
――A cowardly, incapable hypocrite who’s all talk.
When Mutsuki-san said that, I woke up from my dream.
My tears hardened and I couldn’t open my eyes. When I rubbed my eyes and managed to remove the bits of tears, I noticed that Kana, who I should have been hugging, was gone. Lying horizontally and staring blankly in the classroom, I quickly found her.
She was staring intently at the display of her cell phone, which was lying around.
She had a precious straight face for Kana, who usually smiles.
“Masaomi, are you awake?”
The classroom, which had just passed the sunset, was now dimly lit. I could barely see Kana’s smile.
“It would have been fine even if you woke me up.”
My cheek hurt. I didn’t notice because it didn’t hurt unless I moved I mouth.
The fight with Kazuki made me realize once again that it was real.
“It’s because you’re tired. You need to rest.”
Kana puts her cellphone into her uniform pocket while smiling.
“Did you just check the mail I sent you?”
“Yeah. I certainly received it.”
“But it’s unnecessary anymore, right? We can’t even make a call.”
“Yes, but it’s also filled with memories of Masaomi.”
Kana smiled widely. That soothed my tired heart.
“It’s already dark.”
I stretch and approach the fluorescent light switch. I was surprised that the pain had subsided more than I expected. I remember someone saying that being young is a weapon in itself.
“Huh……”
“What’s wrong?”
“Well, there’s no electricity.”
I turn it on and off over and over again, but the fluorescent lights don’t seem to work.
“What about the other classrooms……”
I tried to leave the classroom, but Kana stopped me.
“The other classrooms are the same. Besides, look.”
She shows me the flashlight in her left hand.
“Oh, you’re well-prepared.”
“Praise me more.”
Kana approaches me like a cat. I feel so loved by Kana that I hug her.
“I’ll protect you.”
“Okay”
Kana’s hands go around my back. She buries her face in my chest.
The remaining sunlight slightly illuminates the classroom. The light that enters through the windows does not illuminate the entire classroom, only cutting into the floor.
It’s almost night.
“That’s right, Masaomi, look at this. What do you think it is?”
As if she just remembered, Kana escaped from my chest and picked up the bag that had fallen on the floor. That bag looks familiar.
“It’s a bag for supplies. Things like staplers, punches, and scissors can be put in there.”
“Yeah, yeah, exactly that.”
Kana happily nodded, rummaged through it, and pulled out only the scissors.
“I’m going to cut Masaomi’s hair starting now on.”
“Right now?”
“Yup.”
“Right here?”
“Yup.”
“At a time like this?”
“Yup.”
The way Kana nods politely every time is very heartwarming.
“Here, a bib.”
“A bib…… there should be another term for it. It makes me sound like a child.”
“Men will always be babies.”
That’s a meaningful statement.
“And Masaomi was crying even though he wasn’t even a baby.”
“You, that’s…”
I feel offended when she says this to me without hesitation and with a smile.
I wonder if the event that was so tragic for me is seen by Kana as being the same as that of a baby.
I suppress any resentment that might suddenly come out.
“Rather than that, sit down.”
“…Okay. Is it okay if I sit on the floor?”
“Sure.”
I sit cross-legged on the floor and wrap the bib Kana gave me around my neck. This bib was made by cutting a jersey, unfolding it, and piecing it together at random. It’s a bit unreasonable to use staples for the seams.
However, it was large enough to catch the falling hair.
“Please don’t make it too short.”
It reminded me of our morning conversation. The morning when Kana was sitting in front of the entrance.
Looking back, she feels like she had deviated from her daily routine since the morning.
I was late, Kana was there, and there was an unannounced meeting…
“Then I’ll cut it.”
Kana moves the scissors and makes a happy sound.
Kana, who was on her knees on the floor, grabbed some of my hair and cut it off vigorously. My long hair falls in front of my eyes like snow. When I pick up the hair that has piled up on my jersey and grind it between my thumb and forefinger, the clumps of hair fall out one by one.
I hear Kana humming.
It was a popular song a while ago, and I remember singing it often at karaoke. The tone-deaf Kazuki just made me laugh.
Memories once again try to loosen my tear glands.
Since I’ve already given up on it, there’s no need to remember it anymore.
That person is no longer Kazuki, who was my best friend. Now he’s just a stranger.
“Masaomi, you’re thinking about Kazuki, right?”
I thought my heart was going to explode.
“You shouldn’t do that. You’ve already parted ways. At a critical moment, you might end up self-destructing,”
“Y, yeah…… I know.”
“Whether it’s Katou-san, Mizuno-san, or Mutsuki-san, everyone else other than me is a stranger. Just thinking about it is pointless. You don’t need the past. All that’s important is your future with me.”
“……Is that, what it means by parting ways?”
“Yup. You’ve separated. Isn’t that right?”
“……Yeah.”
An unrefreshing affirmation.
“I’ll do what I can. I don’t need my past to stop me from doing that.”
“……Do the best that I can, huh…… Kana, is that――”
I check my bangs, which have become shorter.
“Is that the right thing?”
Kana’s scissors stop moving.
I didn’t think she’d say anything so serious, so I was surprised when it stopped moving.
“I’m sure you’ve figured it out, Masaomi. There’s no point in being right or anything like that anymore.”
Being right doesn’t make sense. My heart trembled.
“It’s a little too short, but how about this?”
“…You don’t understand what I said. Mutsu…”
The same thing happened when I asked Mutsuki-san about me.
I stopped myself from saying that. Since we’ve parted ways, I mustn’t bring up the past. That’s what I have decided. To part ways…….
“W, well, it’s okay. My head’s feeling cold though.”
I wonder if I was able to successfully deceive her.
I stood up while checking the feel of my hair.
“You look cool, Masaomi.”
Kana was satisfied with being able to make me into the person she envisioned. It seemed like she had somehow managed to deceive her.
“Y, you think so?”
Kana hands me a hand mirror and I check my appearance.
The sun had already set in the surrounding area, so I checked with a flashlight in one hand.
I’m a little confused because I’m not used to seeing my unfamiliar self, but I’ll just have to be patient until I get used to it.
“Even so, it sure is dark.”
I look around the classroom. Outside the window, it’s already dark. Not a single sound of insects, just a complete darkness expanding. Within it, the sounds of banging on barricades and scratching continue. Knowing that they have low intelligence and can’t remove the barricades, the fear has started to fade, and now it’s just annoying.
I casually pointed my flashlight outside the window.
“What the… is this?”
The flashlight’s beam carves out a faintly outlined oval shape in the schoolyard. Ordinary people are walking in the schoolyard. It’s not just one person; there are dozens, or maybe even more.
From this, one can deduce that the damage has already spread beyond the school. The hope of being rescued by someone who realizes we’re trapped in the school is dwindling.
“Even if we try to escape outside, it’s not…”
I mutter under my breath.
In this current situation with no food, starving to death seems inevitable. I scratch my newly shortened hair, and a few stray strands fall.
“Masaomi, it’ll be okay,” Kana said, touching my back.
Following a ground-shaking noise, a metallic sound, like tearing through eardrums, came from the direction of the barricades.
