SLWP Chapter 7

The storm didn’t last long, easing into a gentle pattering by deep night.

Droplets rhythmically tapping on the window glass created a ceaseless din of natural white noise.

Such moments were ideal for curling up under the blankets and falling asleep to the sound of rain.

But tonight, there were destined to be two restless souls.

Chen Xu lay in the darkness with his eyes open. Despite the day’s many events, the image that lingered most vividly in his mind was Ji Chunxiao’s reddened eyes and the tears that never fell.

A familiar ache gnawed at his heart; he was too soft, especially towards those he loved, always accommodating.

Seeing Ji Chunxiao hurt made it inevitably painful for him.

But Chen Xu had no regrets.

His words to Ji Chunxiao about wanting to speak his mind weren’t spoken on a whim.

Even before being reborn, he had considered taking a break; their relationship was troubled, though Ji Chunxiao never seemed to realize it.

It wasn’t easy to strictly categorize who was right or wrong. Chen Xu thought it was simply a matter of incompatible personalities.

Ji Chunxiao came from a wealthy family, and as the only son, his parents’ indulgence led to him developing a strong sense of entitlement and an inability to handle the slightest inconvenience, although he was adept at ordering people around.

Chen Xu, however, had always been the child everyone described as the most obedient and sensible.

His parents were busy with business early on, leaving him to be raised in a relative’s home. Growing up in such circumstances, Chen Xu had no choice but to be accommodating.

He had long been accustomed to compromising, being overlooked, and putting others first.

Xu Ke once subtly suggested that he had a people-pleasing personality.

Chen Xu thought about it and nodded in agreement.

From a young age, all the signals around him, both explicit and implicit, told him that only well-behaved children were likable.

So, when facing someone he loved, Chen Xu instinctively lowered his own needs.

At home, he would take on all the household chores and go hungry to save money for his parents.

When he fell for Ji Chunxiao, he willingly played the part of the doting lover to win over the young master.

It seemed the only way he could be loved.

But after five years together, as their feelings deepened, he couldn’t help but occasionally wish for more from his partner.

Sometimes, Chen Xu wished he could stop exerting so much effort in accommodating and pleasing Ji Chunxiao.

After all, this was the person he loved.

He fantasized that even if he wasn’t always so accommodating, Ji Chunxiao would still love him.

But this ingrained subservience was a deep-seated issue, not easily corrected overnight.

Sometimes, when Chen Xu mustered the courage to be a bit selfish, all it took was for Ji Chunxiao to ask, “Chen Xu, do you not like me anymore?”

And like Pavlov’s dog, Chen Xu would immediately back down and beg for forgiveness.

It was all out of love that he cared for, accommodated, and pampered Ji Chunxiao.

But it seemed as though only by doing all this was he worthy of Ji Chunxiao’s affection.

By the time Chen Xu was twenty-two, he still envied children who could whimsically refuse to walk and be carried home by their fathers or girls who could freely argue with their lovers.

He longed for a love that wasn’t based on pleasing someone else.

But Ji Chunxiao never understood.

The sheltered young master of the Ji family never cared about others’ thoughts. He would just demand, “Chen Xu, I want to eat West Lake vinegar fish, make it for me,” or, “Chen Xu, tie my tie, I can’t be bothered.”

Chen Xu still loved Ji Chunxiao, but he was growing weary.

The friction and tolerance became tiresome; Chen Xu thought, issues needed to be addressed, or perhaps it was time to clarify things and take a break.

Yet before he could bring it up, he was unexpectedly taken back to high school by a car accident.

It seemed as if fate itself was correcting his course.

On the other end of the city in the Ji family mansion, lights burned brightly.

The young master was angry about something again, hadn’t eaten dinner, and after slamming his door, hadn’t come out of his room.

The warm glow of a desk lamp cast a gentle circle of light, Ji Chunxiao’s face marked by obvious irritation as he mulled over Chen Xu’s words about having “licked the wrong person.”

It was Song Ming who brought Chen Xu food.

Song Ming was the one Chen Xu wanted to please.

Song Ming was the one Chen Xu truly should love.

Just thinking about it was unbearable for Ji Chunxiao; each breath was a stab of pain.

The possibility of Chen Xu being with someone else was intolerable.

Licked the wrong person, so what?

What did that make of their five years together?

Did Chen Xu really want to discard him that easily?

A mix of disbelief and pain numbed his heart, Ji Chunxiao even fancied, if only that meal had been from him.

Or, more darkly, if only Chen Xu had never realized it.

Would Chen Xu have grown old with him then?

Someone knocked on the door again, his mother’s voice, “Chunxiao? You haven’t eaten dinner, at least come out and have some soup.”

“It’s personally made by Aunt Wang, and she’s still up at this hour. You should have some out of consideration for her efforts.”

This hour?

Ji Chunxiao glanced at the clock, the hour hand just past twelve.

Is it late? Previously, if he wanted a late-night snack, Chen Xu would get up without a word to cook for him, no matter if it was twelve or two in the morning.

He had been spoiled, naturally making various demands of Chen Xu. Ji Chunxiao liked knowing that Chen Xu was busy because of him; it made him feel truly loved.

Every time he thought about this, Ji Chunxiao felt ecstatic.

My wife loves me so much, my wife is so good to me, my wife would do anything for me.

Chen Xu had always been like this, seemingly willingly, so much so that Ji Chunxiao never considered whether he was tired.

Stepping out to take the bowl of soup, Ji Chunxiao could clearly see the fatigue on Aunt Wang’s face.

His heart suddenly felt like it had dropped into an icy pit.

Was he the only one clinging to this relationship?

Had Chen Xu cut him off so cleanly because he had had enough?

This possibility took root in his heart, flourishing and suffocating him.

The desk lamp was still on, a notebook laid beneath it.

Ji Chunxiao had always had a habit of keeping a journal, though it was hardly detailed, usually just a few casual lines a day.

This notebook had many blank pages, having only just been started, but in his previous life, it had been nearly filled.

Ninety percent of Ji Chunxiao’s journal entries were about Chen Xu.

He closed his eyes, recalling the content of his past life’s diary entries, mostly things like:

“10.21 My wife knitted me a scarf.”

“2.14 Valentine’s Day, my wife prepared a surprise, I loved it.”

“5.17 My wife packed my bags for a business trip, it’s great having a wife.”

…

These were Ji Chunxiao’s own private thoughts, incredibly genuine and close to his heart.

He liked recording these small acts; every time he saw Chen Xu doing something for him, he couldn’t help but feel happy.

But looking back now, he was startled to realize that it had always been Chen Xu giving and him receiving.

Their initial roles were so entrenched that Ji Chunxiao hadn’t adapted; Chen Xu wasn’t just a doting figure, Chen Xu was his spouse.

As the pedestal built by Chen Xu’s adoration crumbled, the young master belatedly realized he had been wrong all along, but Chen Xu no longer wanted to stay by his side.

Today was May 20th, streets filled with roses, the last time on this date, Chen Xu had made Ji Chunxiao a cake.

But today, there was only the cold night rain.

Ji Chunxiao opened his journal and wrote down:

“5.20. Chen Xu’s three laws are a false theorem; he doesn’t love me, my world has lost its fundamental laws, how am I supposed to function now?”