SIIL Chapter 47

It turns out that a person’s heart can die easily.

Fu Zhi’an sat on the steps at the school gate, the phone clutched in his hand burning with an unbearable heat, yet all the messages and calls he had sent out vanished into the void. The gatekeeper poked his head out from the retractable gate, shouting, “Kid, morning study is about to start! If you don’t come in now, I won’t be opening the gate just for you later!” As if he didn’t hear, Fu Zhi’an stood up, fumbling in his pocket for a moment before realizing that in his rush earlier, he had left his bag and lighter behind.

There was a small newsstand near the school gate. Fu Zhi’an handed over some money, his expression blank as he said, “A lighter.”

The man slouched on the sofa glanced at him sideways, a look of disdain crossing his face. He pulled a lighter from a nearby shelf, tested it a few times, then handed it to Fu Zhi’an with a grunt. “You should smoke less, kid.”

Fu Zhi’an responded with a noncommittal hum, took the lighter, and walked around to the back of the school wall, avoiding any prying eyes. He lowered his head, trying to light the cigarette between his fingers, but his hands were trembling too much to make the lighter work. After several failed attempts, he suddenly turned and kicked the brick wall hard, pressing his fingers against his brow as he muttered a low curse.

The cigarette pack in his hand was crumpled from his tight grip. The door code at Chi Yu’s house was still his birthday, and Fu Zhi’an had managed to get in, but the house was empty. One slipper lay by the door, the other abandoned by the refrigerator. Fu Zhi’an could easily picture Chi Yu shuffling around the house, losing a slipper and being too lazy to pick it up. Sliding down to sit on the floor, Fu Zhi’an leaned back against the door and let out a long breath, listening to the rapid thudding of his heart as he closed his eyes.

The metal pendant pressed against his chest was cold and unsettling. Fu Zhi’an pulled the necklace out from under his shirt, his fingers tracing the engraved initials inside the ring—a symbol of the most romantic gesture that iron-headed Chi Yu could come up with.

He slipped the ring onto his ring finger, his gaze softening as he chuckled, his voice hoarse, “You bought it too big, idiot.”

He didn’t know how long he sat there until the door he was leaning against creaked open, and the blood that had frozen in his veins began to flow again. Fu Zhi’an jumped to his feet, ready to move in an instant, but hesitated at the last second. Standing in the doorway was a man in a well-tailored suit, his features deep-set and refined. He seemed surprised to see Fu Zhi’an there, his narrow eyes narrowing further, emphasizing the fine lines at the corners.

“Fu Zhi’an?”

Fu Zhi’an tucked the necklace back under his shirt. He had been raised to be polite to elders. Straightening his posture, he stood firmly in the doorway, blocking the man from entering. The man didn’t seem upset; instead, he pulled out a cigarette and spoke softly, “Chi Yu has run away from home.”

The man sat across from him, smoke curling around his cuffs. Just like back then, he still wore those bright blue cufflinks. Fu Zhi’an leaned back, silently noting how this man, who could so easily abandon his wife and child, seemed more attached to his cufflinks than to them.

“I’ve arranged for a school in the U.S.,” Chi Yu’s father continued, flicking ash from his cigarette. “He’ll be sent there next week.”

Fu Zhi’an pulled out his cigarette pack, extracting one stick but holding it between his fingers without lighting it. “You may not know this, but I’m not a very polite person.”

“But out of respect for the fact that you’re Chi Yu’s father, I’m trying to be civil.” Fu Zhi’an paused, then placed the cigarette back in the pack. “You threw him away once before, and now you’re doing it again.”

“I don’t understand how you could leave him on his own since he was a kid and not care.”

“If it were me, I wouldn’t be able to let go.”

Chi Yu’s father looked at him for a moment before putting down his cigarette. “Maybe you can’t let go now, but in a few years, you will.”

“Right now, I’m speaking to you as a father.” Chi Yu’s father removed his suit jacket and set it aside, crossing his arms over his knees. “With his current grades, Chi Yu has no chance of getting into a good university. Sending him abroad is the best decision.”

Fu Zhi’an didn’t respond, so Chi Yu’s father continued, “I’ve made my decision, and it won’t change. If you don’t get over it, you’ll only be hurting yourself.” Just as he finished speaking, he reached for the half-smoked cigarette in the ashtray, but Fu Zhi’an snatched it away before he could.

“If you want to act like a father, you should start by understanding your son.” Fu Zhi’an stubbed out the remaining cigarette and tossed it into the ashtray as he stood up. “Chi Yu can’t stand the smell of smoke.”

As Fu Zhi’an’s figure disappeared into the house, Chi Yu’s father let out a long sigh, bowing his head. He pulled out his phone, which had been vibrating for a while, and held it to his ear.

“Is the visa ready?” After receiving confirmation, Chi Yu’s father nodded, picked up his suit jacket, and headed for the door. Before stepping out, he paused and asked, “The U.S. isn’t too hostile toward homosexuality, is it?”

The winter night was bitterly cold, his fingers stiff from the chill even in his pockets. Fu Zhi’an circled around the school to the park, then from the park to the internet cafes Chi Yu used to frequent. He wasn’t there. Afraid of missing any message from Chi Yu, Fu Zhi’an kept his phone on, even as his mother, Chen Yifang, called seven times and sent fifteen texts. Lin Jing called twice, and Wang Xiao called once.

One by one, the street lights flickered on, casting a soft, orange glow on the ground. The snow that had been gathering in the clouds all day finally began to fall in the night, covering everything in a blanket of white. The endless snowflakes swirled down with the wind, settling on the boy’s shoulders and hair, but Fu Zhi’an was in no mood to appreciate it. He trudged through the frozen streets, body numb, until he spotted a familiar figure huddled in a corner.

The quiet alley was only occasionally disturbed by the sound of a passing car. The figure in the corner looked up, meeting Fu Zhi’an’s blurry gaze. Fu Zhi’an had sworn that if he found Chi Yu, he would let loose and give him a good scolding. But when their eyes met, all he felt was the sting of tears.

He took a few steps forward and squatted down in front of Chi Yu, pulling out the necklace from under his shirt in the orange glow of the streetlight. Gently brushing the snow from Chi Yu’s eyebrows, Fu Zhi’an whispered, “You bought the ring too big. You need to take responsibility for the after-sales service.”

---

Be my Patron ~ Buy me Ko-Fi
────୨ৎ────
✨Be a part of the story – support my translations✨
✨Buy me some Ko-FI | Paypal to support my effort✨
✨✨Advance chapter at Patreon✨✨