SIIL Chapter 51

A sudden jolt of what felt like electricity surged from his chest to his head. Chi Yu frowned and pushed Fu Zhi’an’s head away from his chest.

Fu Zhi’an straightened up, a small smile playing on his lips as he crossed his legs to sit down, mimicking Chi Yu. The room was cramped, and the two boys were huddled in the narrow space between the bed and the wall. If either of them moved, their knees would inevitably bump into each other. The light above flickered before glowing steadily again. Chi Yu’s back was still aching, and he wanted to rub it, but Fu Zhi’an’s calm voice interrupted him.

“If the heavens favor you,” Fu Zhi’an began, looking up before pausing briefly, “you might barely make it into a regular university.”

“But that’s too risky.”

“Going abroad for your senior year is probably the best option for you.”

But it’s not the best option for us, Chi Yu wanted to say. He looked into Fu Zhi’an’s eyes, hoping to find some hesitation or doubt. But those beautiful eyes remained calm and rational, reflecting the cold logic of someone who had weighed all the pros and cons. All Chi Yu could see in Fu Zhi’an’s amber eyes was his own reflection. Seeing that Chi Yu didn’t respond, Fu Zhi’an continued, “If you go abroad in your senior year, you’ll have time to adapt to the environment and the language. Your English is actually pretty good.”

“In a fully English-speaking environment, you’ll improve quickly.”

Chi Yu didn’t catch the rest of what Fu Zhi’an said. He was too distracted by the sight of Fu Zhi’an’s lips moving and how kissable they looked. He wasn’t particularly interested in hearing a lecture. The anger that had filled him earlier had mostly dissipated, leaving him feeling hot and sticky with sweat soaking through his shirt, even though it was winter. For some reason, Chi Yu suddenly recalled their childhood. Back then, Fu Zhi’an wasn’t this tall—he had looked a bit underdeveloped, to be honest.

He always had a serious expression, frowning and saying things like, “Chi Yu, you can’t do that.”

A cool touch on his forehead snapped Chi Yu back to the present. He blinked in confusion at Fu Zhi’an, who had lightly tapped his forehead with a finger, neither too hard nor too soft.

“Have you ever thought about our future?” Fu Zhi’an asked, lowering his hand to wrap it around his ankle. He rested his head on his knees, his voice soft. “I have.” Fu Zhi’an turned his head slightly, looking at the wall. Their shadows, cast by the light above, seemed to almost merge into one.

“If you haven’t thought about what will happen in fifty years, then just listen to me,” Fu Zhi’an whispered, half of his face hidden in the crook of his arm, leaving only one eye visible. “Okay?”

When Chi Yu found himself standing in his father’s study, he caught a flicker of surprise in Chi Yue Di’s eyes. It made sense—Chi Yu, who had never made a decision without dragging things out for countless rounds of arguments, had suddenly changed his mind in just one night. The two of them had never shared such a calm moment together. Chi Yue Di, unsure of what to say to his son, stumbled through a brief explanation of the American high school system before running out of things to say. Chi Yu’s patience was already wearing thin, so he simply nodded with a frown and walked out. Even though they were father and son, Chi Yue Di seemed more like a recently hired study abroad consultant than a parent.

The streets were quiet, as they often were on weekday mornings. A few taxis were parked along the curb, and when the drivers noticed Chi Yu walking alone, they rolled down their windows, calling out to offer him a ride. Chi Yu shook his head, tucking his chin deeper into his collar as he counted the colorful tiles on the sidewalk with each step. He didn’t like taking taxis, especially in winter, when the windows were shut tight, making him feel suffocated.

After crossing several intersections, the gate of Yi Fu Zhong School came into view. Chi Yu pulled out his phone and dialed a number, holding it to his ear as he leaned lazily against a utility pole. The phone rang twice before Chi Yu remembered it was during class time. He was about to hang up when Fu Zhi’an’s low, hoarse voice came through the receiver.

Chi Yu pressed his lips together before speaking. “I’m across from the school.”

Fu Zhi’an responded quickly, “Wait for me.”

A slender boy in a black coat stood on the steps, occasionally tapping his foot on the concrete as his gaze drifted toward the road. The security guard, bundled up in a military-style coat, stepped out of his small booth and squinted in his direction, as if recognizing him. He took a few steps closer. Chi Yu didn’t mind being watched and met the man’s gaze openly, just as he saw Fu Zhi’an jogging around the corner.

Fu Zhi’an’s bangs were blown back by the wind, revealing his smooth forehead and well-defined brows. He was running fast, his open school uniform jacket slipping down his shoulders. When he reached the school gate, he bent down and exchanged a few words with the security guard, pulling out his phone and showing it to him before pointing across the street at Chi Yu. Chi Yu watched as Fu Zhi’an jogged up to him, slightly out of breath, and asked in a low voice, “Are you cold?”

Fu Zhi’an’s hair was sticking up in one spot, and Chi Yu instinctively reached out to smooth it down but stopped halfway. Instead, he gave Fu Zhi’an a deadpan look and said, “Your hair’s a mess.” As Fu Zhi’an fixed his hair, Chi Yu continued, “How did you get past that stubborn old security guard so easily?”

“I told him you were a classmate skipping class, and the teacher sent me to bring you back,” Fu Zhi’an lied without batting an eye, his calmness unnerving. Chi Yu turned his head and scoffed, “Weren’t you supposed to be in class?”

“I was,” Fu Zhi’an replied, slipping off his school jacket and draping it over his arm. He deftly slid his hand into Chi Yu’s coat pocket, intertwining their fingers before adding, “But I already know everything they’re teaching, so I came out.” Normally, when Fu Zhi’an tried to hold his hand in public, Chi Yu would frown and push him away, but this time he didn’t. Let people look if they wanted to. Let them think whatever they wanted.

He was about to be sent halfway across the world; who cared what anyone else thought?

They wandered aimlessly down the small streets, and Chi Yu noticed that Fu Zhi’an’s hand was growing colder as they walked. He glanced at Fu Zhi’an, who was only wearing a thin sweater, and considered taking off his coat, but when he tried to pull his hand away, he failed. They passed by a few coffee shops, and each time Chi Yu suggested going inside, Fu Zhi’an would tug him along, refusing to go in.

“I didn’t bring any money,” Fu Zhi’an explained shamelessly, flashing a smile and gripping Chi Yu’s hand even tighter in his pocket.

Fu Zhi’an walked quickly and confidently, leading Chi Yu through several neighborhoods until they stopped in front of a pet store. Chi Yu’s confusion must have shown on his face because Fu Zhi’an opened the glass door and walked in. The girl behind the counter looked up and greeted Fu Zhi’an with a familiar smile. Chi Yu stood behind Fu Zhi’an, watching as he chatted with the store employee, the two of them exchanging words and smiles. Every now and then, Fu Zhi’an would look down at the small dog in his arms, his eyes crinkling with a soft smile.

“Xiao Bai has been doing much better lately,” the girl said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and lowering her gaze when she met Fu Zhi’an’s eyes. “The enteritis hasn’t flared up in a while.”

Fu Zhi’an nodded, “I’m here to pay the adoption fee today.”

Chi Yu’s disinterest evaporated the moment he saw the little dog in the girl’s arms, and his breath caught. Even with its fur trimmed, Chi Yu recognized it immediately—it was the same dog he had found on the side of the road. Chi Yu had no idea when the dog had been brought to the pet store, but he watched as Fu Zhi’an took the dog from the girl, his beautiful eyes curving into a smile.

“You’ve already completed the adoption paperwork, so once the payment is made, you’re all set,” the girl explained as Fu Zhi’an pulled out some cash and placed it on the counter, immediately turning his attention back to the dog.

It seemed he had planned this all along.

After entering the payment information into the computer, the girl stood up. Seeing that Fu Zhi’an had no intention of looking at her again, she blushed and asked, “Would you like to take a photo to commemorate the adoption? It’s a service we offer to everyone who adopts a stray.” Her tone was hesitant, unsure. Although this boy came to the store often, he never stayed long or talked much. He seemed difficult to approach.

Fu Zhi’an looked up at her with a smile and nodded.

Chi Yu knew Fu Zhi’an had a dazzling smile, and the girl must have been taken aback by it. She fumbled as she reached for the camera. Fu Zhi’an, holding the dog, stood in front of the white wall and raised an eyebrow at Chi Yu, who was still standing off to the side. “What are you standing there for like an idiot?”

Chi Yu slowly walked over, reluctantly frowning as he stood beside Fu Zhi’an. The girl held up the camera, but after a long moment, she still hadn’t pressed the shutter.

“Um, the one in black, could you smile a bit?” she asked tentatively. But as soon as Chi Yu turned to look at her, his close-set eyes and intense gaze made her so nervous she almost dropped the camera.

In the end, Chi Yu didn’t smile. He stood there looking displeased, but the hand hidden behind his back clenched into a fist. After taking the photo, the girl retrieved the print from the instant camera and approached them with a pen in hand. “Would you like me to write the owner’s name on the photo?”

Fu Zhi’an gently massaged the dog’s neck, “Write Chi Yu and Fu Zhi’an.”

The girl looked puzzled, glancing at the other boy who seemed anything but happy, and asked, “Are you two going to raise the dog together?”

“With my boyfriend,” Fu Zhi’an replied without hesitation.

Chi Yu, now holding the dog, soon found his black wool coat covered in white fur. He turned to Fu Zhi’an and asked, “Do you really have to announce to the world that you’re gay?”

Fu Zhi’an petted the dog’s head before ruffling Chi Yu’s hair as well, responding in a low voice, “I wish I could carry you in my pocket and show you off to everyone all the time.”

Even though Fu Zhi’an kept telling himself that this was the best decision, he couldn’t help but feel a tightness in his chest late at night. He wanted so badly—so very badly—to stay with Chi Yu forever.

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