In the days that followed, Chi Yu stopped coming to school.
Fu Zhi’an, who wasn’t much of a talker to begin with, now rarely even smiled. Wang Xiao, being one of the few who knew the situation, felt it was his duty to comfort the top student in the back row. Several times, he turned around to say something, but each time he met Fu Zhi’an’s calm gaze, the words just wouldn’t come out. Wang Xiao couldn’t help but think that Fu Zhi’an was starting to lose his way. In the first two years of high school, Fu Zhi’an was the model student that every teacher doted on, the benchmark for all his classmates.
But in the short time since the start of their senior year, Fu Zhi’an had already left school early five times. He seemed distracted in class, and during study periods, he would stare blankly at his unfinished worksheets. Despite this, his grades hadn’t dropped, probably thanks to his solid foundation. However, the teachers had stopped using him as the class example.
Wang Xiao, unlike the others, actually thought this version of Fu Zhi’an was better—more human—than the one who only cared about studying.
Yi Fu Zhong was one of the city’s top schools. By the end of their second year, they had covered all the high school material, leaving the students to rely on their own discipline. The classroom was so quiet that only the sound of pens scratching paper could be heard. Even when someone coughed, it was done as quietly as possible. At this stage, everyone was too busy to notice much, so Fu Zhi’an’s frequent tardiness and absences went largely unnoticed.
The back door of the classroom was slightly ajar as Fu Zhi’an entered, head down. His elbow accidentally bumped into Lin Chuan, who sat by the door. Fu Zhi’an murmured a half-hearted apology. Lin Chuan sniffed the air, leaning closer to Fu Zhi’an and whispering, “You’ve been smoking a lot lately, haven’t you?”
Fu Zhi’an gave a noncommittal hum, which Lin Chuan knew meant nothing would change. After all, Lin Jing had already scolded Fu Zhi’an several times, but he would just nod and disappear after class, returning with the lingering scent of smoke. Given his academic performance, people were more forgiving of his habits. Even Lin Jing seemed to realize that scolding him was pointless and had started turning a blind eye to his smoking.
Lin Chuan turned back to his work, but he froze when he heard Fu Zhi’an’s cold voice cut through the classroom.
“Whose test papers are these?”
The question, spoken just loud enough to draw attention, caused several students to straighten up and turn toward the back of the room. The two desks in the corner had been moved, and Fu Zhi’an’s pen had fallen to the floor. Chi Yu’s empty desk was now piled high with used test papers.
The candy wrappers that had been neatly placed on the desk were now carelessly scattered on the floor.
Fu Zhi’an didn’t seem to notice the pen on the ground; he stepped right over it and reached for a test paper, skimming it quickly before lifting his head to scan the room. He waved the paper in the air. “Who’s Zou Jingwen?”
“Your 66-point test paper is in the wrong place.”
The classroom erupted in quiet laughter. A girl in the second row with a ponytail blushed deeply as she hurried over, unsure if she was more embarrassed by her score or by the fact that Fu Zhi’an, after all this time, didn’t even know her name. Standing in front of Fu Zhi’an, she stammered, “My drawer was too full, and I thought Chi Yu wasn’t coming back…”
Fu Zhi’an let out a small laugh, his lips curling up slightly. “Who said he’s not coming back?”
The girl looked up in shock. Fu Zhi’an’s face wasn’t particularly intimidating, but the coldness in his eyes made her shiver. He grabbed the stack of test papers from Chi Yu’s desk and held them out to her, but she hesitated.
“Only the top few are mine…” she murmured, trembling as she took her papers from the stack.
For the next ten minutes, Fu Zhi’an read out the names on each test paper in a perfectly measured tone, estimating the scores as he went. After handing out the last paper, he bent down to pick up the scattered candy wrappers, placing them back in the empty drawer of Chi Yu’s desk.
Once he had finished, Fu Zhi’an collapsed onto his desk, burying his face in his arms. He let out a long breath, his voice barely audible, trembling with exhaustion.
The last part was something Wang Xiao added himself. Two days before Chi Yu left, he had spent all his savings—money he had planned to use to buy a Thunder God figurine—on a farewell dinner at a small restaurant near the school. Wang Xiao had never been more grateful for Chi Yu’s odd temperament, which meant he didn’t have many friends. Including the two of them, there were only five people at the gathering.
“This is the biggest blowout I’ll ever have,” Wang Xiao declared, downing his cup of Sprite in one gulp. “So let’s all eat to our heart’s content.”
Chi Yu shrugged off his coat and draped it over the back of his chair. As he turned, he noticed that he and Fu Zhi’an were dressed almost identically—black wool coats and light gray sweaters. Fu Zhi’an turned suddenly, catching Chi Yu’s gaze. Chi Yu expected him to frown and look away as usual.
But instead, Fu Zhi’an’s expression softened, and he smiled, his long lashes casting shadows over his eyes.
Hu Yushan, oblivious to the tension between them, took a sip of Sprite before putting his cup down and calling the waiter. “Drinking Sprite at our age, aren’t you afraid of killing your sperm?” he joked.
“It’s Coke that does that,” Lin Chuan mumbled around a mouthful of chicken, his words muffled.
Hu Yushan pulled out two bills from his pocket and handed them to the waiter. Moments later, he returned with a crate of beer, which he set down with a thud. The waiter looked them over, holding up the bottle opener. “How many should I open?”
“All of them.”
Hu Yushan grabbed a bottle and started chugging, leaving Lin Chuan wide-eyed and speechless. Fu Zhi’an, more refined in his drinking, poured the beer into cups, filling one less than the others and handing it to Chi Yu. After a few rounds, Hu Yushan was draped over Lin Chuan’s arm, calling him “Mom” with a flushed face. Lin Chuan, propping up his head with one hand, laughed and cursed, occasionally slapping Hu Yushan in the face to get back at him while he was too drunk to notice.
Chi Yu’s tolerance for alcohol was clearly not great, but he handled it well. After a few drinks, he didn’t cry or make a fuss, just sat there with his face in his hands, grinning like an idiot. Fu Zhi’an downed the last of his beer and turned to Chi Yu, his eyes drifting to the boy’s soft, flushed lips.
“Are you sleepy?” Fu Zhi’an asked, raising an eyebrow, but with Hu Yushan and Lin Chuan causing such a ruckus, Chi Yu just kept smiling blankly, not hearing a word. Fu Zhi’an leaned in, his lips brushing Chi Yu’s ear as he repeated, “Are you sleepy?”
The warm breath tickled his neck, making Chi Yu squirm, but he nodded obediently.
“Do you want to go home?” Fu Zhi’an continued. Chi Yu nodded again. It wasn’t like Chi Yu to be so compliant, and Fu Zhi’an tilted his head slightly, his lips grazing Chi Yu’s burning earlobe as he paused before asking, “Do you like me?”
Fu Zhi’an waited for another nod, but instead, Chi Yu suddenly stood up, pushing his chair aside before slowly crouching down. He looked up, his eyes shining with light, lips parted as he answered with absolute seriousness, “Yes, I like you.” The words were barely out of his mouth before he seemed to lose power, collapsing forward with his eyes closed.
Fu Zhi’an’s heart pounded in his chest, the smell of alcohol making his eyelids burn. He wrapped his arms around Chi Yu’s waist, his hand moving up the boy’s back, tracing his spine until it rested on the nape of his neck. In that moment, it felt like they were the only two people in the world, everything else fading into the background. Fu Zhi’an heard his own voice, rough and unsteady, “I like you too.”
It was pure coincidence that Chi Yue Di called just as the dinner was winding down. Fu Zhi’an retrieved Chi Yu’s phone from his coat and answered it. Rather than have Chi Yu take a cab home, he figured it was better for Chi Yue Di to pick him up. Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but Fu Zhi’an felt like everyone was coveting Chi Yu’s beauty. When Fu Zhi’an and Wang Xiao helped Chi Yu down the stairs, Chi Yue Di’s car was already waiting. After the driver helped Chi Yu into the car, he nodded at them before driving off.
The small restaurant had been stiflingly hot, and the cold night air outside helped clear Fu Zhi’an’s head a bit. Chi Yu sat in the car, eyes closed and head resting against the window. Fu Zhi’an worried that the bumpy ride might hurt Chi Yu’s head, but he couldn’t go home with him. He needed to start getting used to life without Chi Yu, and that had to begin right now.
But getting used to it was proving harder than he thought. The black sedan quickly became a small dot before disappearing down the alley. Fu Zhi’an hadn’t put on his coat, and the cold wind was seeping through his sweater, making him shiver. The restaurant was only a few steps away, but it felt like his feet were cemented to the ground.
Suddenly, a sharp pain twisted in his stomach, making him want to cry. Doubling over, Fu Zhi’an clutched his thighs, but the pain didn’t ease. He ended up crouching on the ground, curling into a ball as he reached for a cigarette, only to find the pack crushed in his pocket. A weight settled on his shoulder, but Fu Zhi’an didn’t turn around. Wang Xiao stood behind him, struggling for words before finally asking, “If you had known from the start that you’d have to part ways, would you still have fallen for Chi Yu?”
Fu Zhi’an didn’t answer. He stared at the ground as if he could bore a hole through it with his gaze.
Wang Xiao sighed and headed back upstairs. He still had the hefty responsibility of getting the two drunk idiots home. Lin Chuan and Hu Yushan, usually so skinny and weak, were now stumbling around like they were on steroids, throwing drunken punches. Wang Xiao barely managed to hoist Lin Chuan up when someone suddenly grabbed Lin Chuan’s arm.
Neither of them said anything, but after a lot of effort, they managed to shove Lin Chuan and Hu Yushan into a cab. Turning back to Fu Zhi’an, Wang Xiao said, “I’ll take them home.”
“I would,” Fu Zhi’an suddenly spoke, his response seemingly unrelated.
“What?”
“If I’d known from the start that we’d have to part,” Fu Zhi’an clarified, his voice steady. “I’d still choose to be with him.” The answer came easily. Chi Yu’s beautiful eyes, the curve of his lips, the soft waves of his hair—all of it was an irresistible force pulling Fu Zhi’an deeper and deeper, one he could never resist.
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