TCCRMMAICSTA Chapter 1

【So big! So white! So tempting! Hiss…】 (￣ＴＴ￣）nosebleed 

 

【Those legs could be played with for years… Sister, kill me!】(✪ω✪) [1] 

 

【Heavens, grant me a strong body so I can dote on all the sisters in the harem!】(｡♥ᴗ♥｡)

 

In front of a large, intricately carved nanmu bed [2] , the curtains hung hazily, the candlelight flickered dimly, and the air was filled with a faint fragrance. On the curtain, two figures were faintly visible, rising and falling, and occasional breaths could be heard.

 

The woman’s skin was as smooth as cream, and her slender, soft waist was held tightly by a pair of large hands.

 

Her clothes were half-pulled down to her waist, and in a panic, she pushed those large hands away, her slightly reddened eyes nervously scanning the surroundings.

 

The man’s narrow, dark eyes held no emotion. His hoarse voice carried a trace of displeasure.

 

“Is this how the palace maid trainers taught you? I do not like to force things.”

 

“Forgive me, Your Majesty, this concubine…” The woman hurriedly knelt down.

 

The man didn’t bother to listen to her explanation, got up, and left with a flick of his sleeve.

 

In the corner, Yu Wanwan wiped the drool from the corner of her mouth and quietly recorded in her booklet: Concubine Xiao failed to serve His Majesty properly, and the Emperor did not stay the night.

 

As she wrote, she muttered to herself, 【What a shame for this beautiful sister with her large chest and long legs. She’s made the Emperor angry, so there’s probably no chance for her to serve him again.】

 

【But… it’s not entirely hopeless.】

 

Concubine Xiao, who was still kneeling and sobbing, was once again terrified when she heard that voice. She anxiously looked around. It was precisely this sudden voice that had made her slip up in front of the Emperor just now.

 

Who was speaking?! There had only been her, the Emperor, and the eunuch recording the session in the room, but the voice was unmistakably that of a delicate young woman.

 

However, she couldn’t deny that the person was right. A woman who was rejected after serving the Emperor had little chance of being favoured again and would likely grow old and die in the palace.

 

What she desperately wanted to know now was what solution this person had in mind!

 

【Brick-laying [3] done for the day, time to go back and sleep. Spent the whole day watching pretty sisters again—life’s good. 】Yu Wanwan hummed as she walked lightly out of the room.

 

But suddenly, a voice called out to her: “Eunuch Yu, please wait!”

 

Yu Wanwan immediately stopped in her tracks and lowered her voice. “Does the noble concubine have any further instructions for this servant?”

 

Concubine Xiao looked her up and down. The person in front of her wasn’t tall, with a small, slender frame, but their rosy lips and pearly white teeth made them look completely different from the other eunuchs in the palace.

 

Especially those lively eyes, shining like obsidian.

 

Seeing that Concubine Xiao wasn’t speaking, Yu Wanwan glanced at her out of the corner of her eye. 【Oh my, she’s so innocent and seductive! Her blushing cheeks make me want to give her a peck. The dog of an Emperor doesn’t know how to appreciate her!】

 

Concubine Xiao’s appearance was gentle, but her eyes were full of allure—a classic combination of sweet and seductive. At only about 155 cm tall, she was petite and cute, easily invoking others’ protective instincts.

 

Concubine Xiao narrowed her eyes. There were only the two of them in the room, and based on the way this eunuch was secretly eyeing her, she could now be sure that the voice from earlier had come from this little eunuch!

 

“Eunuch Yu, do you think I still have a chance to regain His Majesty’s favour? How about… you help me?” Concubine Xiao wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes as she asked.

 

She hadn’t expected this little eunuch to have impure thoughts about her. However… considering that he wasn’t bad-looking, his affection for her wasn’t entirely disgusting. More importantly, he might actually be able to help her win back the Emperor’s favour!

 

Yu Wanwan’s forehead was dripping with cold sweat. “The noble concubine is as beautiful as a flower; of course, you still have a chance. But this servant is lowly and powerless, I fear I cannot be of much help.”

 

Inside, Yu Wanwan was panicking: 【I’m just a eunuch with no “weapon,” how can I help? Is Concubine Xiao going to ask me to drug the Emperor? That would get me killed for sure!】

 

【Honestly, men are all the same— the harder it is for them to get something, the more it makes them itch for it.】

 

【Concubine Xiao, you just need to hang around the Emperor for no reason now and then. Occasionally, have some ‘accidental’ physical contact. Once you catch his interest, play hard to get.】

 

【I guarantee you’ll have the Emperor yearning for you. You’ve even got me hooked, so why worry about handling some lousy man?】

 

Concubine Xiao’s expression shifted from doubt to satisfaction as she stared at Yu Wanwan. She waved her hand. “It’s getting late. You may go back now, Eunuch Yu.”

 

Yu Wanwan was granted permission and dashed out of Fanghua Palace without hesitation.

 

After running back to the Office of Internal Affairs, she tossed the booklet hidden in her sleeve onto the table and let out a long sigh: “Damn! Even being a eunuch is exhausting.”

 

That’s right—Yu Wanwan had transmigrated into a book!

 

She had entered a novel called The Cold Emperor’s Overwhelming Love for His Beloved.

The plot revolved around the Emperor of the Great Zhou Dynasty and his scandalous life with the 72 concubines of his harem. The Emperor spent his days indulging in these women, only to eventually realise that a foreign princess was his true love. He lavished her with all his affection, but in the end, he became so weak and impotent that he was kicked off the throne by the current War King in this tragic, smutty novel.

 

And she? She wasn’t the all-powerful Emperor, nor one of the beautiful concubines. She was merely a eunuch in charge of recording the Emperor’s bedroom activities with the concubines in the Office of Internal Affairs!

 

She had to meticulously document which concubine the Emperor favoured, when, where, and all the details in between.

 

This was no small matter—it concerned the birth of the imperial bloodline, so there could be no room for error.

 

“Eunuch Yu, the Emperor has picked Concubine Lan’s card again and has already made his way to the Lanxin Palace,” a palace maid from the Office of Internal Affairs hurried in to report.

 

“Got it, I’ll head over right away.” Yu Wanwan shot up from her chair like a carp leaping out of the water.

 

【No wonder he’s such a stallion—full of vigour!】

 

The palace maid was so out of breath from running that her chest heaved intensely.

 

Yu Wanwan glanced at the young maid’s “36D assets,” then looked down at her own chest, which remained completely flat despite three large jumps. She sighed.

 

【Ah… some die of thirst while others drown in abundance!】[4] 

 

【It’s bad enough they didn’t give me male hormones, but they couldn’t even give me a woman’s assets!】

 

【But I guess being this flat isn’t so bad. If my cover was blown, that dog of an Emperor would dig up the graves of my ancestors for sure—my great-grandfather’s coffin would be flipping over.】

 

While grumbling to herself, Yu Wanwan made her way to Lanxin Palace. Not only had she transmigrated into a eunuch, but she was also a woman disguised as a man, blending into the palace as a fake eunuch who eavesdropped on bedroom activities!

 

Fortunately, she had at least been given a tiny cheat by the gods of transmigration.

 

Others might get space-time guns or advanced AI systems, but her special ability? She got “dog ears”—sharp hearing, able to pick up sounds from long distances and even non-human noises.

 

She gazed up at the sky with a look of despair: “Brother Mosquito, why don’t you and your crew head over to Lanxin Palace and cause a racket? Make the Emperor and Concubine Lan spend the whole night swatting at you. That way, I wouldn’t have to go to work.”

 

“After all, it’s the same ol’ ‘clap-clap-clap’ sounds. No one will tell the difference.”

 

From mid-air, the mosquitoes buzzed in response: “We suck blood, not the Emperor’s brains. Don’t they use mosquito-repelling incense?”

 

“You evil woman! Are you trying to get my entire mosquito family killed in Lanxin Palace? A whole night of swatting? We’d be dead, you monster!”

 

“Useless! All you’re good for is giving me bites,” Yu Wanwan rolled her eyes and resigned herself to her work.

 

But before she reached Lanxin Palace, she was drawn by a rustling noise coming from a nearby bush.

 

Yu Wanwan’s eyes lit up. 【Classic! It really is a smut novel, with primal desires being unleashed everywhere. Spring is here, life is flourishing, and it’s once again mating season for the…】

 

Her thoughts were abruptly interrupted when a bright, gleaming sword was pressed against her neck.

 

___________________________________________________

 

[1] “Those legs could be played with for years” (腿玩年): A popular internet slang used to describe someone’s long, attractive legs, implying they’re so beautiful they could be admired for years.

 

“Sister, kill me”: Another piece of modern internet slang used when someone finds something or someone overwhelmingly attractive.

 

[2] Nanmu (金丝楠木): A rare and valuable type of wood in China, historically used for building palaces and high-end furniture.

 

[3] “Brick-laying” (搬砖): A slang term commonly used to refer to hard or tedious work, often used jokingly to describe a mundane or exhausting task.

 

[4] “Some die of thirst while others drown in abundance” (旱的旱死，涝的涝死): A Chinese idiom meaning that resources (or luck) are unfairly distributed—some people lack while others have more than they need.

___________________________________________________

Thank you for reading! If you found any typos please let me know in the comment section!

If you like the translation or novel please rate it on NU and support me on Ko-fi for bonus chapters:

Have a lovely day~~

(づ˶•༝•˶)づ𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒