TCCRMMAICSTA Chapter 16

 

Yu Wanwan’s face had a forced smile, while cursing inwardly.

 

【Dumb bird! The person is already standing in front of me, how could I not recognize them? Just wait, tonight we’re having iron pot stewed goose.】

 

At this moment, Yu Wanwan had just put on her inner garments, with the outer eunuch robes still loosely draped over her shoulders. She didn’t care at all and gracefully bowed: “This servant greets the Third Princess.”

 

【This must be the advantage of having a flat chest.】

 

The Emperor had five sons and three daughters, with the Third Princess being the youngest daughter. So, she was undoubtedly the Emperor’s treasured child. Of course… she was also the most spoiled and willful.

 

Although she was already of age, she still behaved like a child. Even if she asked for the stars and the moon, people in the palace would have to figure out a way to get them for her.

However, the most outrageous thing about her was not this, but her infatuation with the Battle King, Zhou Jingchuan!

 

According to their familial relationship, she had to call the Battle King Uncle.

 

Yu Wanwan silently cursed inwardly:

 

【The Third Princess is in love with her own uncle. Even in a palace romance story (PO文), [1]  this would be quite the explosive plot.】

 

[1] “PO文” is a term in Chinese internet culture, referring to posts or stories shared on public forums or social media platforms. It is often used to describe palace romance stories, often written as 宫斗文 or 宫廷文, a popular genre in Chinese web novels. These stories often involve intrigue, competition, and drama within the imperial palace, often with dramatic and explosive plotlines. The narrator refers to “PO文” as a type of story featuring scandalous or shocking palace intrigue.

 

“Yu Wanfu! What did you say?” The Third Princess suddenly shouted.

 

Yu Wanwan was stunned: “This servant didn’t say anything, I was just greeting you.”

 

【My goodness! Being spoiled doesn’t mean she has to be this unreasonable, right? I didn’t even say anything and she’s already trying to punish me?】

 

【Damn feudal dynasty!】

 

The Third Princess stared at Yu Wanwan’s lips for a long time and realised she hadn’t spoken. “Yu Wanfu, raise your head and let this princess take a good look.”

 

Yu Wanwan obeyed and raised her head, and finally got a clear look at the Third Princess.

She had a delicate round face, straight bangs, and was wearing a pink princess gown. From her appearance, she looked just like a child who hadn’t grown up.

 

The Third Princess sized Yu Wanwan up and let out a cold snort: “Hmph, you look like a woman. No wonder you’re sucking up to Uncle Battle King.” 

 

As soon as Yu Wanwan heard this, she immediately understood. 【Got it! She’s here to vent her jealousy on me.】

 

【Well, I am a woman, okay? Can a eunuch still be manly?】

 

Rumour had it that the Third Princess was so infatuated with the Battle King that she would go crazy. Any woman who got close to him would find themselves in trouble with her.

 

Now, Yu Wanwan had become one of those women. Yu Wanwan spoke gently: “Princess, you’ve misunderstood. This servant was just doing my duty and has no intention of currying favour with the Battle King.”

 

【Thank you very much, but just because the Battle King spoke a few more words to me, does that count as sucking up?】

 

【I’m just a eunuch! Even if I wanted to curry favour, could I marry him? Wake up, Third Princess! Your chances of marrying your uncle are way higher than mine.】

 

“Hahahaha, Yu Wanfu, this princess believes you.” The Third Princess looked overjoyed, thinking: Hehehe, this princess can hear Yu Wanfu’s inner thoughts. He actually said that I have a chance to marry Uncle Battle King.

 

Everyone says it’s impossible between me and Uncle, but just because of this, I won’t blame Yu Wanfu anymore. 

 

But… Yu Wanfu hadn’t yet explained how big the chance was. The Third Princess continued to ask: “Yu Wanfu, how did you win the favour of Uncle Battle King yesterday? Tell this princess in detail.”

 

Yu Wanwan was speechless: “This servant… only danced a little.”

 

As soon as the Third Princess heard this, she immediately made a decision: “Alright! Teach this dance to this princess!”

 

Yu Wanwan nodded repeatedly: “Yes, once this servant is done attending to the Emperor, I will come to the princess’s palace to teach you.”

 

【No offence to Northeast Two-person Dance (东北二人转), but is it really reasonable for a princess to learn this?】

 

【I really can’t anymore. Everyone’s coming to me, why don’t you just tear me apart and use me in five different places?】

 

The Third Princess left satisfied, and Yu Wanwan helplessly straightened her clothes. Xiaoqing looked guilty: “Brother Yu, I… couldn’t stop the princess.”

 

“If you couldn’t stop her, you couldn’t. The way she is, not even ten oxen could stop her. I have to head to Jingren Palace to work.” After saying that, she left the Department of Affairs once again.

 

Xiaoqing stared at her back with admiration: “A busy man is so handsome!”

 

Yu Wanwan had just hurried to Jingren Palace when the emperor also arrived, rushing over after the morning court session.

 

She dutifully prepared the tea and fulfilled the duties expected of a personal eunuch. Su Jiangming, who was following the emperor, had also prepared tea and gave Yu Wanwan a disdainful glance. He thought to himself: Little one, do you think you can compete with me? I’ve served the emperor for decades; with just one look, I know exactly what he wants. You brought him Four Seasons Spring tea, but the emperor is constantly reviewing memorials and has a lot of internal heat, especially in the heat of summer. The emperor surely prefers chrysanthemum tea! A vegetable bird [2] like you will never replace me.

 

[2] 菜鸟 (cài niǎo) literally translates to “vegetable bird,” in slang, it means a rookie or novice, someone new and lacking experience in a particular area. 

 

Two cups of tea were placed before the emperor, and both of them said simultaneously, “Your Majesty, please enjoy the tea.”

 

Yu Wanwan felt speechless. Su Jiangming had served the emperor for many years and even had the nickname “Concubine Su” in the palace. She had never intended to replace him, after all, she wasn’t particularly interested in serving the emperor. However, it was clear that Su Jiangming had misunderstood.

 

The emperor paused as he looked at the two cups of tea. Naturally, he reached out to take Su Jiangming’s chrysanthemum tea. Su Jiangming’s face lit up with joy: Hah, it’s still got to be me!

 

But just before the emperor could touch the teacup, the empress spoke up: “Yu Wanfu, this empress loves Four Seasons Spring tea. If the emperor doesn’t like it, bring it over here.”

 

Upon hearing this, the emperor immediately changed his mind and reached for Yu Wanwan’s teacup instead. “Who says I don’t like Four Seasons Spring tea? As long as my dear empress likes it, I like it too.” The emperor smiled as he drank the tea.

 

Su Jiangming’s eyes widened. Waaah… turns out, new eunuchs are still better. The emperor doesn’t like me anymore.

 

Pffft…

 

As soon as the tea entered his mouth, the emperor spat it out in a rush. “Why is this tea so hot?!”

 

Yu Wanfu immediately begged for forgiveness, “Please forgive me, Your Majesty. This servant is foolish…”

 

【Damn it, I already said I’m only good at eavesdropping, not at serving tea.】

 

【Do you not know how to blow on tea before drinking it, you idiot?】

 

Su Jiangming, seeing this, felt elated once again: An old eunuch is still the most experienced. Yu Wanfu can’t even make tea properly, yet he thinks he can steal the emperor’s favor from me?

 

Just as the emperor was about to lose his temper, the empress picked up the other cup of tea, gently blew on it, and said, “Tea should be drunk hot, and beauties should be embraced when soft. Has Your Majesty heard this rather common saying?”

 

The emperor swallowed and quickly responded, “I’ve heard it! What you say is absolutely right, dear empress. Tea indeed tastes best when hot.”

 

The emperor secretly cursed his burning tongue. Of course, I know beauties should be soft for embracing. Isn’t that exactly what you are right now, my soft beauty? Come on, let me hold you—I’ve been craving it all morning. This morning’s court session, I could hardly concentrate.

 

The emperor waved his hand, “It’s nearly noon. The two of you go prepare lunch. I’ll spend some time alone with the empress.”

 

Yu Wanwan and Su Jiangming accepted the order and withdrew. Before leaving, Yu Wanwan cast a worried glance at the empress.

 

【Empress sister, you must hold your ground. There’s a saying: What you can’t have is always alluring.】

 

【If you become all lovey-dovey with the emperor too quickly, he’ll forget about you in just a few days.】

 

The empress smiled gently. She clearly understood this reasoning. Yu Wanfu was indeed insightful.

 

After they left, only the emperor and empress remained in the hall. The emperor draped his arm around the empress’s shoulders. “My dear…”

 

His Adam’s apple bobbed, and his mind was in chaos. How come I never noticed how seductive the empress is before? Well, today I’ll make up for last night’s missed favour, and after lunch, I can make up for it again.

 

The emperor happily laid out his plans…

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