TCCRMMAICSTA Chapter 17

But the empress shyly pushed his hand away: “Your Majesty, it’s not good to indulge in such desires during the day…”

 

The empress’s soft, boneless fingers touched the emperor’s palm, making him shiver all over. He stubbornly wrapped his arm around the empress’s waist again: “It’s fine, it’s just the two of us here, no one will know.”

 

The empress did not push his hand away. After all, rejecting the emperor too firmly would only anger him. She subtly moved her body, brushing against the emperor’s arm, seemingly unintentionally: “But… lunch will be served in just a quarter of an hour, and I’m a little hungry.”

 

The empress’s innocent eyes sparkled with moisture, and she bit her soft pink lips, looking very troubled.

 

The touch of her body made the emperor even more distracted by lust. His large hand tightened abruptly, pulling the empress directly into his arms. “Don’t worry, I’m quick, there’s time!”

 

“Ahh…” the empress let out a panicked cry, her soft and boneless body collapsing into the emperor’s embrace. The emperor’s gaze burned as he stared at her, his face inching closer and closer to hers. Just as he was about to kiss her, a voice came from outside the door.

 

“Your Majesty, Your Grace, lunch is ready,” Autumn Moon called from outside, bowing her head and snickering. Hmph, dirty old man! Our empress had already given me instructions. There’s no way you’ll get what you want so easily. Let’s see if you still feel frisky after lunch.

 

After all, Yu Wanyu personally prepared the meal.

 

Inside, the emperor’s face darkened like coal. The empress immediately stood up, blushing. “It’s time for lunch, Your Majesty.”

 

“I’m not hungry!” the emperor muttered sullenly.

 

The empress looked at him seriously. “If Your Majesty isn’t hungry, then please sit here for a while. I’ll go eat first.”

 

In the past, if the emperor had said he wasn’t hungry, she would have stayed with him. But now… she remembered Yu Wanfu’s advice: Don’t sacrifice yourself for a man, live for yourself. In simple terms, let him go to hell.

 

After saying that, she turned and left. The emperor, seeing this, could only follow her with a stiff expression.

 

In the main hall, Yu Wanwan and Su Jiangming had already prepared several dishes. The empress smiled as she asked Yu Wanwan, “You made these yourself? So quickly?”

 

Yu Wanwan nodded. “Yes, Your Grace. I made two dishes. The ingredients from the imperial kitchen were already prepared, so it was done quickly.”

 

【To stop the emperor from acting indecently, I swung the spatula so fast it practically flew, and sparks flew off the iron pan!】

 

【I remember the empress doesn’t eat pork intestines, so this plate of Nine Turns Pork Intestine was made especially for the emperor. Please don’t touch it, Your Grace!】

 

The empress’s eyes curved with joy. Yu Wanfu was truly thoughtful, preparing this dish especially for the emperor. Even though she didn’t like it, it shouldn’t go to waste. So… she would give it all to the emperor.

 

Without hesitation, the empress picked up a piece of stir-fried intestines with the serving chopsticks and placed it in the emperor’s bowl. “Your Majesty, try this and see how it tastes?”

 

The emperor looked at the pork intestines in his bowl but didn’t pick up his chopsticks. Su Jiangming quickly stepped forward, eager to please. He picked up a slice of stir-fried lotus root and placed it in the emperor’s bowl.

 

“This old servant will serve His Majesty. The weather is hot, and the pork intestines might be a bit greasy. Have some lotus root to cleanse your palate.”

 

Su Jiangming raised his eyebrows at Yu Wanwan: Heh, I know the emperor’s preferences like the back of my hand. Your pork intestines won’t stand a chance.

 

Yu Wanwan didn’t seem to mind and said, “Your Majesty, I heard that pork intestines can strengthen the body and boost energy. If you don’t like it, I’ll throw it away right now.”

 

Upon hearing this, the emperor immediately picked up the pork intestines and began eating. “No need. The dish that my dear empress picked for me, I love.”

 

Eating well will give me energy for… later. Heh heh heh…

 

The emperor ate one piece of intestine after another, but as he chewed, he felt that something about the flavour was a bit off. Frowning, he asked, “Yu Wanfu, have you tasted this dish?”

 

Yu Wanwan quickly nodded. “Rest assured, Your Majesty, I’ve already tasted it for poison.”

 

“And what do you think of the taste?” the emperor asked again.

 

Yu Wanwan bowed her head and replied, “I removed most of the odour from the pork intestines, but I kept part of the intestine’s natural flavour so that Your Majesty would know you’re eating intestines.”

 

The emperor’s frown deepened. “Kept the original flavour?”

 

“That’s right. While cleaning the intestines, I left some of their natural essence and even used the water from cleaning them to thicken the sauce, giving it a full-bodied flavour.”

 

The emperor gritted his teeth. “Did you do this on purpose, or was it an accident?”

 

Yu Wanfu grinned. “On purpose.”

 

The emperor slammed the table and stood up. “Yu Wanfu! Urgh…”

 

The emperor could barely hold back the urge to vomit. The empress quickly soothed him, patting his back. “Your Majesty, don’t be angry. I’m sure Yu Wanfu had a reason for doing this.”

 

Yu Wanwan silently gave the empress a thumbs-up.

 

【Empress, you are truly my best ally.】

 

【But just to be clear, now that the emperor’s mouth has tasted… well, filth, you’d better not let him kiss you anymore!】

 

On the surface, Yu Wanwan still responded with fear and trembling: “Your Majesty, did you taste anything strange?”

 

“Imperial Physician Wen said only those with weak kidney qi would taste something unusual. Those who are strong and healthy wouldn’t find anything wrong.”

 

“If you don’t believe me, you can ask Imperial Physician Wen.”

 

The emperor stiffly replied, “No! I didn’t taste anything unusual.”

 

Yu Wanwan breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s good…”

 

【Tch, this kidney-deficient man just can’t admit his weakness. I hear everything from behind your bedchamber walls. I know exactly how many minutes you last, and whether you’re weak or not, I’ve got it all figured out!】

 

【Go ahead and ask Imperial Physician Wen. With how honest he is, he might even diagnose you with erectile dysfunction!】

 

The empress suppressed her laughter. Yu Wanfu really had a knack for putting the emperor in his place. After all the suffering she had endured in the past, it was only fair that the emperor paid some of it back! However… from the way Yu Wanfu spoke so confidently, it seemed the emperor truly might have some issues in that area.

 

At this point, the empress no longer envied the concubines who were favoured by the emperor. After all, it was only a few short moments of intimacy, and they had to waste hours preparing with baths and perfumes. What else did they get out of it besides a face full of saliva?

 

The empress put on a concerned expression. “Your Majesty, would you like to eat a little more?”

 

Just the mention of the Nine Turns Pork Intestine made the emperor feel like vomiting again. He waved his hand. “No need, I’m full! I need to go to the Hall of Mental Cultivation to review memorials. Rest well, I’ll come see you tonight.”

 

With that, he strode out of Jingren Palace.

 

The empress nodded gently. “I respectfully see Your Majesty off…”

 

Yu Wanwan dutifully prepared to follow the emperor, but he stopped her. “Yu Wanfu, I heard you promised Xin’er to dance. Go to the Zhaixing Hall and meet her there. You don’t need to follow me.”

 

Xin’er was the personal name of the Third Princess. Naturally, Yu Wanwan was more than happy to avoid work, so she smiled brightly.

 

The emperor’s face was dark as iron. Whenever he saw Yu Wanfu now, all he could think of was that disgusting Nine Turns Pork Intestine, and the nausea in his chest was impossible to suppress!

 

Yu Wanwan bowed repeatedly in thanks. “Understood, Your Majesty.”

 

【The power of the Nine Turns Pork Intestine is truly extraordinary. Looks like I’ll have a few days of peace ahead of me.】

 

After the emperor left, the empress was also quite satisfied. She turned to Yu Wanwan and said, “Come tomorrow morning to apply my natural makeup. After that, just do as you see fit.”

 

Yu Wanwan’s eyes lit up instantly. This essentially meant she only needed to do the empress’s makeup in the morning, eavesdrop at night, and the rest of the time she’d be on holiday.

 

Of course… The only thing left was to teach the Third Princess the  Northeast Two-person Dance (东北二人转) (a traditional Chinese comedic song and dance duet).

 

With joy, she headed toward Zhaixing Hall.

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