TCCRMMAICSTA Chapter 28

“Be good, son. Stop crying already. I’ve already sent someone to fetch Yu Wanfu,” Xianfei tried soothing Zhou Kang.

 

“My little darling, if you keep crying like this, that face of yours will be unrecognisable soon!” Despite her coaxing, Zhou Kang continued bawling his eyes out.

 

“No, no, I don’t care! I’m going to kill that annoying eunuch!” he shouted.

 

Outside the door, Yu Wanwan rolled her eyes at the statement: 【All that noise for nothing. If it’s about farting, the little prince here takes the crown.】

 

【Tsk, tsk, tsk. You’re heartbroken, you’re crying. You’re a midnight sad boy, a bear cub at heart.】

 

While silently mumbling to herself, she stepped into the hall and bowed. “Greetings, Xianfei, Your Highness.”

 

Xianfei waved her hand. “Follow me into the inner chamber.”

 

She turned to the old maid at her side, instructing, “Granny Ji, you keep an eye on Kang’er. I need to speak with Yu Wanfu alone.”

 

Yu Wanwan knew what this was about—it had to be that matter regarding gathering intel and stirring up rebellion. But, of course, a brat like Zhou Kang wouldn’t let this go easily. He slapped the table in frustration, shouting, “I don’t want this chicken nanny watching over me. Tell her to get lost!”

 

“I want to punish that dead eunuch!”

 

Ji Mama hurriedly stepped forward to coax him, “Please behave, Your Highness. Xianfei has important matters to attend to.”

 

“Get lost! Stop clucking like a chicken, or I’ll pluck out all your feathers and turn you into a spicy stir-fry!”

 

Ji Mama was at her wit’s end, casting a helpless glance at Xianfei, “Your Ladyship… this…”

 

Everyone in Xianhe Palace knew that when the little prince threw a tantrum, no one could control him.

 

Seeing this, Yu Wanwan immediately put on a serious face and whispered to Xianfei, “Your Ladyship, the Battle King has moved into the palace. I’m afraid…”

 

At the mention of this, Xianfei’s expression instantly turned grave. The Battle King moving into the palace could only mean two things: either he had reached some agreement to discuss details of the rebellion with them, or he had been sent by the Emperor under secret orders to investigate something…

 

Either possibility was a deadly one.

 

She slammed her hand down on the table, shouting angrily, “Enough! Quiet!”

 

Yu Wanwan took the opportunity to advise, “Your Highness, do not further upset Xianfei. It’s bad for a woman’s health to get too angry.”

 

【I’m not exaggerating here. You hold it in, you risk cervical cancer; you let it out, you might get breast cancer. If women keep getting angry, it’s only a matter of time before something gives.】

 

Though Xianfei didn’t know what cervical cancer or breast cancer was, she couldn’t deny that Yu Wanwan had a point—whenever she got upset, her whole body felt terrible. And she hadn’t yet had the chance to openly be with her beloved; how could she die like this?

 

So, with a stern expression, she warned Zhou Kang, “If you keep making trouble, I won’t indulge you any longer…”

 

Before she could finish her sentence, the Fifth Prince flopped to the floor, rolling and shouting, “I’ve been stung into a pig! How can you be so calm while I’m like this?”

 

“Since you love to get angry so much, why don’t you just get yourself killed?!”

 

“Usually, I see you laughing so happily in your room, making all that noise and calling ‘Brother’ so cheerfully…”

 

Smack!

 

Before Zhou Kang could finish his sentence,Xianfei rushed over in three strides and slapped the Fifth Prince. The slap made his already swollen face even puffier.

 

“Wah, wah, wah… You not only call him ‘Brother,’ you also call him ‘Father’…”

 

After being hit, the Fifth Prince cried out in a babble of nonsense, prompting Xianfei , now exasperated, to shove a piece of cake into his mouth. “Shut your mouth! Granny Ji, block his mouth for me. He mustn’t say anything foolish again.”

 

Xianfei was so tense that sweat dripped from her forehead. She thought to herself: Thank goodness there are no outsiders here. Yu Wanwan has long since known about my secret affairs. If anyone heard what was just said, even ten of my heads wouldn’t be enough to get me out of this mess!

 

A quick investigation would reveal that the Emperor hadn’t even come to Xianhe Palace, and here I am, calling someone ‘Brother’—isn’t that just a blatant admission of my infidelity? This little brat is spoiled rotten, saying whatever comes to his mind.

 

Ji Mama hurried over to cover Zhou Kang’s mouth, while Yu Wanwan followed Xianfeiinto the inner chamber. Before leaving, she purposely placed the food box on the table in front of Zhou Kang.

 

【Zhou Kang is driving me crazy! This kid has loved to eavesdrop since he was little, and Xianfei gives him all the tasty treats.】

 

【But… I didn’t expect my father and Xianfei to be this playful, even calling each other ‘Brother’ and ‘Father.’】

 

【Next time, I should arrange a little role-reversal, maybe some whips and wax; after all, the more a woman shows off, the more a man loves it.】

 

Xianfei, overhearing this, pondered to herself: Indeed… I haven’t tried anything new with Ah Ming in ages. Maybe I should consider what Yu Wanwan suggested next time. If I’m going to seek thrills, I might as well go all the way.

 

Soon, they entered the inner chamber. Once sure there was no one around, Xianfeiasked, “Have you learned anything while attending to the Emperor?”

 

“What’s the situation with the Battle King?”

 

Yu Wanwan’s eyes lit up at the question: “Of course, I’ve learned a lot of things!”

 

Xianfei was also excited. “Quick! Tell me what you found out.”

 

With a flourish, Yu Wanwan replied, “The Emperor’s underpants are black—I saw them!”

 

“I originally thought the Emperor would be wearing golden dragon-patterned underpants.”

 

“And, at night, the Emperor grinds his teeth, snores, and drools—he’s got the whole set!”

 

“Oh, and by the way, the Emperor’s kidneys aren’t so good; he can’t last two rounds with the grasshopper pupa.”

 

T/N The “grasshopper pupa” is the young stage of a grasshopper before it becomes an adult. It’s often referenced in traditional medicine and cuisine in some cultures.

 

“………” Xianfei maintained a serious expression and fell silent.

 

But Yu Wanwan seemed oblivious to her exasperation and continued animatedly, “Xianfei, listen to me…”

 

“Enough! Don’t you have any other news?” Xianfei interrupted, annoyed.

 

Yu Wanwan pouted, “Well, the Battle King went to a brothel and didn’t pay—does that count?”

 

“……..” Xianfei fell silent again, thinking: Is this all Yu Wanwan has to offer? How about something related to state affairs, the Emperor’s arrangements for military generals, or overheard documents regarding the power struggles among the other princes…

 

As a woman, how can she talk about these things without blushing?

 

“You should gather some serious news. The Battle King thinks highly of you; since he’s entered the palace, you should hang around him more.”

 

“You didn’t take your inquiries seriously, did you?” Xianfei fixed Yu Wanwan with a sceptical look.

 

Yu Wanwan shook her head, “My dear Consort, I’m just a eunuch in the service room—how could I possibly overhear those state affairs?”

 

【Xianfei, are you going crazy with this cosplay? How could a mere eunuch hear about national matters?】

 

【I’m not the Emperor’s bedmate; after all these days you’ve spent with him, you still don’t know? The news I gather in a few days—do you dare to believe it?】

 

【If you dare to believe, I’ll dare to blab.】

 

After hearing this, Xianfei began to think deeply. Yu Wanwan was right; it was indeed not easy to gather news from the Emperor’s side, and she shouldn’t rush things.

 

Still, should she change her approach?

 

What if she made Yu Wanwan the Emperor’s bedmate? Then she could help her gather more information.

 

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