The walls were weathered, the day cold.
Time tiptoed over each eave and tile, leaving tiny marks washed by rain and scorched by the blazing sun, like imprints left by the wind.
He lingered outside the door, the cold air and musty smell of the old house seeping through the cracks, barely noticeable.
Jing Wei’s fingers finally touched the door. He closed his eyes, inch by inch, feeling it, as if worshiping that indelible memory and the person buried deep in his heart.
Huo Yening.
Huo Yening.
He repeated the name in his heart, using the blade of memory to carve open his heart again and again.
It didn’t hurt. It didn’t hurt.
Thinking of him didn’t hurt. Only when he was alone in a vast, empty place or a dark corner did the stabbing pain surface.
The monk said Huo Yening came back to life but forgot about his existence and their time living here together.
Is that Huo Yening still Huo Yening?
If he doesn’t remember him, then who is he?
How can the person from a past life be the same as the one in the next?
No, it’s different. To him, Huo Yening is already dead. No matter who lives in Huo Yening’s body now, it’s not him.
He’s no longer Huo Yening.
He couldn’t lie to himself.
Only he was trapped in a cage, a cage that wasn’t even really a cage, while Huo Yening was free.
Since the day Huo Yening died, he could never escape.
He laughed at himself, almost whispering, “Look at me, I can live just fine without you. Soon, I might even become the Demon Lord.”
“The demon clan doesn’t need emotions. They say the heavens are unjust, that demons are powerful but born without feelings. But I think the heavens made demons emotionless as the greatest gift.”
“You had emotions, and didn’t you die alone, with no one to rely on, no one to accompany you? Who would even miss you?”
“…”
“Hey.”
“Do you want me to join you?”
Floating clouds covered the sun, casting a shadow that swallowed him whole.
Jing Wei looked up at the sky, silent for a long time.
After a while, he withdrew his hand from the door, seeming to laugh softly.
As if encouraged, he said, “Alright.”
Jing Wei turned and walked out of the dark alley, brushing off the dust from his clothes. Walking down the long street of Yudong City, he felt an unprecedented lightness. He walked faster and faster, finally stopping in front of a clothing shop.
“What are you looking for, sir? A long robe or a tunic?”
Jing Wei glanced over the clothes in the shop, taking his time to look at each one. Then, he slowly shifted his gaze back to the shop girl in front of him and said in a calm voice, “A robe, with the best material and the finest patterns.”
Upon hearing this, the shop girl hurriedly rummaged through boxes and cabinets, bringing out several splendid robes.
“You’re in luck! We just got a new batch of top-quality fabrics made into clothing. These are rare cloud brocades, threaded with gold. I’m sure you’ll love them. We don’t show these to just anyone.”
Jing Wei seemed not to hear anything, quietly watching the array of colorful robes. Eventually, he reached out and touched a black brocade robe.
He lightly rubbed his fingers over the cloud pattern on the robe. Black is good, Huo Yening liked black. He would be pleased to see it.
“This color is too plain for you. You’re at the age where you should wear something bold and vibrant. How about this red one?” the shop girl suggested.
Jing Wei glanced at her, tossed a silver ingot her way, and said softly, “Just this one.”
With that, he stepped behind the screen to change. He meticulously put on the cloud patterned robe, carefully smoothing out every crease.
When he came out from behind the screen, the shop girl was visibly impressed. “You look truly amazing in anything,” she said.
The robe highlighted his slim figure, the sleeves cinched at the wrists, and his black hair was tied up, giving him an air of elegance and sophistication.
Jing Wei suddenly smiled and asked softly, “Really? It looks good?”
The shop girl’s face reddened as she replied, “Of course. How could I lie to you? You’re the best-looking person I’ve seen wearing black in this shop. Truly handsome.”
Hearing this, Jing Wei relaxed, murmuring, “That’s good.”
If it looks this good, Huo Yening would surely compliment it, right?
After paying, he walked through the bustling street, feeling a sense of urgency as he headed towards the desolate house.
Soon, he would see Huo Yening again.
Jing Wei walked faster and faster, more and more determined, almost recklessly.
Just as he was about to reach the familiar dark alley, someone suddenly collided with him head-on.
A bottle of vinegar from the other person’s hand splashed all over his new cloud-patterned robe, staining the intricate design with dark, blotchy marks.
Jing Wei’s face darkened.
He clenched his fists, glaring angrily at the culprit.
The clumsy person wore a veiled hat, the black veil hanging down and seemingly the cause of the collision with the similarly dressed Jing Wei.
“Oh dear, I’m sorry, I was in a hurry and didn’t see,” the person said, nervously trying to wipe off the vinegar. When he looked up and met Jing Wei’s still simmering eyes, he paused, then said, “Hey, I recognize you.”
Jing Wei, looking at the stain on his robe, felt his mind go blank. He couldn’t hear a word the person was saying. Grabbing the person by the collar, he spat out, “You just had to get in my way, just had to block me, just had to ruin everything! I only do what I want to do. Nothing can stop me!”
He cursed, not knowing if he was berating the person in front of him or some long-gone soul.
He shoved the other person away harshly and walked towards the old house, his gaze icy.
Behind him, the one who had spilled the vinegar stood frozen, watching his retreating figure, lifting his hat slightly, deep in thought.
Jing Wei turned into a dark alley and approached the old house. He pushed open the door, and the familiar cold, eerie air hit him. He let out a breath, still trembling slightly from anger.
He had arrived.
In the yard, plum blossoms bloomed against the wind. Once, he and Huo Yening had planted chrysanthemums out of boredom, not realizing that in Yudong City, which only had autumn and winter, chrysanthemums couldn’t survive. The flowers never bloomed, so they begrudgingly switched to plum trees.
There were one or two trees, each with a few dead branches and bird nests.
Huo Yening had said, “You like living in trees. When you get tired of one, you can move to another.”
He had scolded him for being crazy, asking what bird lives in trees during winter.
Jing Wei reached out, gently touching the plum tree. The fresh fragrance of the blossoms slowly eased his frustration and depression.
If he died under a plum tree, his soul would carry the scent of the cold flowers.
He walked through the corridors, the main hall, the bedroom, past Huo Yening’s bookshelf, his tea table, his bamboo chair, and finally picked up Huo Yening’s wine jar.
Jing Wei removed the stopper and, without hesitation, poured the strong liquor down his throat. His Adam’s apple bobbed as the clear alcohol burned and stung on its way down.
This was his first time drinking.
It was so strong. After drinking, his heart wouldn’t hurt anymore.
His head felt a bit dizzy. After finishing the jar of strong liquor, he used his spiritual energy to dispel the drunkenness. Gripping the long sword at his side, he walked step by step towards the plum tree outside the courtyard.
When he reached the tree, he let out a faint laugh and took down the bird’s nest, reducing it to dust with a pinch of his fingers.
“Huo Yening,” Jing Wei closed his eyes and whispered, “I’m coming to join you.”
He had bought the best-looking new clothes. Now he could finally let go of everything, forget everything, and go see Huo Yening.
The long sword slipped from its sheath, resting cold and sharp against his neck, illuminating Jing Wei’s determined eyes.
Just as he was about to swing, his wrist was suddenly gripped tightly by iron fingers.
“Want to die?”
The voice was filled with suppressed anger.
Jing Wei’s heart trembled, his lashes quivering as he opened his eyes. The fingers pried his own open, and the long sword was snatched away and thrown to the ground.
The person removed his veiled hat, his brows furrowed, and his phoenix eyes slightly narrowed. He reached out and pinched Jing Wei’s face, speaking lowly,
“If you die, wouldn’t my saving you be in vain?”
In that moment, time seemed to stop. Jing Wei trembled uncontrollably, his whole body shaking, his eyes filling with tears that fell like broken beads.
“Hey, why are you crying?” The man, confused and puzzled, released his grip on Jing Wei’s hand and gently wiped away his tears with his fingers, asking, “What trouble have you encountered recently?”
Jing Wei stared at him, breathing heavily, tears streaming down uncontrollably. The face he most wanted to see appeared before him just as he was about to take his own life.
The man sighed, his rough fingers repeatedly wiping Jing Wei’s face, but when the tears wouldn’t stop, he finally pulled Jing Wei’s head to his chest. “Cry it out, but after you’re done, you need to live well.”
This kid, why does he always look so pitiful whenever I see him?
Jing Wei clung tightly to his clothes, sobbing uncontrollably, his heart feeling like it was being ripped apart.
No.
It wasn’t Huo Yening.
His mind kept telling him this, clear as day.
But he… he just wanted to hold on a little longer, just a little while more.
Hearing his sobs, the man pursed his lips and hugged him tighter, speaking softly, “In life, you’ll face many hardships. Each time, you’ll feel like you can’t get through it. But once you do, looking back, you’ll realize it wasn’t as bad as you thought.”
Just like in his own life, nothing ever went smoothly. He had worked tirelessly to get into college, only to have his arm crushed by a machine while working to earn tuition money.
He had once thought about ending it all.
But there were still people in the world who cared about him, his brother, his sister.
To him, as long as there was someone in the world who he cared about, he could never bring himself to die.
“If you have no one in this world to keep you here,” the man said softly to Jing Wei, “then do it for me. I saved your life before. You owe me. Stay for me.”
Stay for me.
Jing Wei looked up in shock, his eyes locked on the face that was exactly like Huo Yening’s, with tears still clinging to his lashes, refusing to fall.
“Shen Tanwu,” Jing Wei said slowly, enunciating each syllable.
Hearing his name spoken, Shen Tanwu smiled gently and patted Jing Wei’s head. “Yes. What’s your name?”
Jing Wei stared at him and replied, “It’s none of your business.”
“…” Shen Tanwu chuckled, pulling back his hand. “Fine, you know my name, that’s enough. Remember it. When you grow up and become successful, you must find me to repay your debt. Until then, no more thoughts of suicide.”
Jing Wei’s eyes turned icy as he grabbed Shen Tanwu by the collar, demanding, “Who do you think you are? What gives you the right to lecture me? I’m a demon, and in my world, there are no debts to repay!”
“Don’t think you can trap me, don’t think you can keep me, don’t think you can cage me again! I’m a bird. If you lock me up, what else can I do but die? Tell me!”
Ever since Huo Yening’s death, every single day and night for three years, he had felt the suffocating cage around him, tormenting him into restless days and tearful nights.
He had enough. He was done!
“Fine.” Shen Tanwu saw his growing agitation and frowned. “If that’s how you feel, then hate me if you must. But you can’t just die like this.”
Jing Wei choked on his words, “Why?”
Shen Tanwu extended his arms and held Jing Wei tightly, not letting go no matter how much he struggled. “Because I’m the person you hate. How about it? Annoyed with me now?”
Jing Wei gritted his teeth, summoning a dark mist in his palm, but the moment he saw that face, he couldn’t bring himself to strike.
“Get off!”
“No, and you can’t make me.”
“…Just leave me alone.” Jing Wei was too drained to argue anymore.
Shen Tanwu laughed heartily. “What, can’t handle me? My little brother’s the same way.”
Jing Wei had already guessed that his brother was Shen Tanqi. With such similar names, it would be foolish not to realize it.
He narrowed his eyes and then stomped hard on Shen Tanwu’s foot.
“Ouch,” Shen Tanwu grimaced in pain and muttered, “You’re something else, you little rascal…”
Repaying kindness with cruelty, this little brat.
Jing Wei sneered, “Just figured that out?”
Shen Tanwu endured the pain and took a deep breath. “Alright, you’ve let off some steam. Stop thinking about suicide. If you’re not afraid of dying, why fear living?”
“Come here, let me hold you.”
Jing Wei hesitated for a moment. Huo Yening’s words, ‘let me hold you,’ flashed through his mind. He paused, and during this brief moment of hesitation, Shen Tanwu pulled him into an embrace.
Jing Wei was stunned, moving his arms, but the embrace only tightened. After a long while, Jing Wei’s lashes lowered slightly, and he stopped struggling.
“If life isn’t going well, just remember that there are still many people who care about you, like your parents…”
“They’re dead.”
“Uh, then think about the people who raised you…”
“They’re dead too.”
“…”
The more Shen Tanwu spoke, the more he seemed to hit a nerve. He gave himself a mental slap and said softly, “Then… how about me? Think about me?”
Jing Wei looked up abruptly.
“I saved your life, so I need to be responsible for it.” Shen Tanwu stammered, grasping for excuses. “I’ve raised children before. Don’t worry, I raised my brother and sister from a young age. If you don’t mind, you could stay with me in the future…”
“No need,” Jing Wei interrupted coolly.
Even if he were to live, he would never live with Shen Tanwu.
If he did, what would happen to Huo Yening? Would anyone remember Huo Yening’s death?
Regardless of others, he had to remember Huo Yening himself.
Shen Tanwu sighed at the rejection. “But if you’re like this, how can I feel at ease?”
He couldn’t bear to watch the child he saved suffer so much and choose death.
Hearing this, Jing Wei seemed to find it laughable and lightly scoffed, “You and your brother are quite alike.”
Shen Tanwu raised an eyebrow. “You know him?”
Jing Wei didn’t confirm or deny. He picked up the long sword from the ground and, under Shen Tanwu’s anxious gaze, slowly sheathed it. He said softly, “You’ve reminded me. How can I die so easily before becoming the Demon Lord?”
“The Demon Lord?” Shen Tanwu was a bit surprised. Though he hadn’t read many novels or watched many dramas, he had a vague sense that it was a big deal.
Jing Wei didn’t respond further. He turned and walked out of the courtyard, stepping over the threshold and following the dark alleyway to the main street.
Shen Tanwu followed him closely, matching his pace.
Jing Wei glanced back at him, his eyes clear, the tears long since dried on his lashes.
“Go away. Don’t follow me anymore.”
Shen Tanwu watched silently as Jing Wei walked into the crowd on the street, his figure blending into the bustling masses, becoming a distant blur, as if the boy might disappear from the world forever, never to be found again.
After a pause, Shen Tanwu suddenly called out, “You say you’re a bird. Birds always return to their nest.”
“Maybe what’s keeping you here isn’t a cage, but your nest?”
For a moment, the world seemed to fall silent. The young man stood still, his back to Shen Tanwu, his heart trembling, tears soaking his collar.
—So that’s it.
So that’s it. There was never any cage.
In the long, painful three years, he desperately sought a way to escape his prison, only to realize today that there was never any cage at all.
He was ensnared by Huo Yening’s woven nest, not some cold, rusty cage. It wasn’t hatred, nor was it torment!
Jing Wei didn’t turn back, nor did he dare. He was afraid that if he looked at that face one more time, he would never be able to leave.
The road is long, but one day, they would meet again. When he returned to his nest.
Right, Shen Tanwu?
Right, Huo Yening.
Hello, everyone ヾ(＾∇＾). I hope you enjoyed the story! If you’re feeling generous, please buy me a coffee, share/comment on my translated works! Check out the link below for early chapters. (๑>ᴗ<๑)
