“…When I mentioned earlier about wanting to get married, I was serious. Ah Xue, what do you think?”
He waited anxiously for several seconds without receiving an answer. When he turned his head, he saw that Zhuang Hanxue had fallen asleep slumped in his chair at some point.
Qiu Zheyan: “…”
He deflated instantly.
The car stopped at a red light.
Qiu Zheyan stared at the sleeping Zhuang Hanxue for a moment, then reached out to pinch his cheek.
This skin wasn’t even that thick.
Zhuang Hanxue woke up, looking over with sleepy eyes. “What are you doing?”
Qiu Zheyan said irritably, “Were you pretending to sleep?”
Zhuang Hanxue looked completely bewildered and innocent.
Qiu Zheyan wanted to get angry but didn’t know how to express it. “Forget it.”
Zhuang Hanxue rubbed his face. “You’re so fickle. It’s hard for me to keep up. A man’s heart is like a needle in the ocean.”
Zhuang Hanxue hadn’t had time to play games these past few days.
He had to help his older brother at the hospital.
Though he appeared careless, when it came to work, he actually didn’t slack off.
Until the day before they were set to leave for abroad.
That day, his young niece had surgery in the morning. Fortunately, it wasn’t a dangerous procedure. He waited until his niece woke up and ate before returning home. Surprisingly, Qiu Zheyan had arrived home earlier to pack for the trip.
As soon as Zhuang Hanxue got back, he pressed his wind-chilled hands against Qiu Zheyan’s neck. “Warm me up.”
Qiu Zheyan had no choice but to hold his hands in his embrace. “How did it go?”
Zhuang Hanxue said, “The surgery went smoothly. But when I told my brother I couldn’t go to the hospital tomorrow because I’m spending Christmas with your family, he suddenly lost his temper and scolded me harshly.”
Qiu Zheyan: “You only told him now?”
Zhuang Hanxue: “Yeah, I forgot.”
Qiu Zheyan was at a loss for words with his absent-minded lover.
Zhuang Hanxue: “I also told him about the gifts I bought. He said they weren’t classy enough, but I’ve already spent all my savings on them. Isn’t that showing sincerity?”
This was the first time Qiu Zheyan had heard Zhuang Hanxue mention this. He was shocked. “You spent all your savings on gifts?”
Zhuang Hanxue chuckled, “You missed the joke. You should’ve said, ‘You actually have savings?’ – That’s how you should tease me.”
Qiu Zheyan, holding his hand, said, “I saw you weren’t nervous at all, so I was worried you hadn’t prepared. I bought gifts for you.”
Zhuang Hanxue: “You underestimated me, huh? It’s fine to have extra gifts. You give yours, I’ll give mine.”
Qiu Zheyan couldn’t figure Zhuang Hanxue out. To say he took this seriously – he hadn’t shown any concern about meeting the parents these past few days. To say he didn’t care – this man had spent all his savings.
Though Zhuang Hanxue didn’t have much in savings anyway.
Zhuang Hanxue took out his gifts one by one.
A designer belt for Qiu Zheyan’s father, a set of fine porcelain dinnerware for his mother, and a dress worth over three thousand yuan for his sister. They all looked quite presentable.
Zhuang Hanxue said proudly, “Not bad, right? I’ve always been good at picking gifts.”
Qiu Zheyan nodded, seeing him in a new light.
The next morning, they boarded the plane abroad.
Qiu Zheyan was too nervous to rest, while Zhuang Hanxue slept soundly, without a hint of anxiety.
After landing, they took a taxi to the city.
Zhuang Hanxue spotted the Christmas decorations on the door from afar. “How interesting. My family doesn’t celebrate Western holidays. But I used to love finding excuses to gather friends for food and drinks. Every holiday was pretty much the same.”
They knocked.
After a minute, someone came to open the door.
Zhuang Hanxue showed no signs of shyness. He smiled, and seeing it was Qiu Zheyan’s father, knowing the uncle was Italian, he greeted in Italian, “Buongiorno~”
***
Qiu Zheyan went to the kitchen to help his mother with the dishes, hearing Zhuang Hanxue and his niece laughing.
Mother: “This partner of yours is very cheerful. He doesn’t look seven years older than you, and he appears quite young. I like how he eats – he seems to enjoy the food and isn’t picky. His manners with chopsticks and cutlery are beautiful. You can tell he’s well-bred.”
Qiu Zheyan: “Really? He told me his parents neglected him since childhood, and his life was a mess. When he moved in with me, he only had about five thousand yuan left in his account. He couldn’t survive without me.”
Mother sighed, “You’re falling into your old habits again… But I can’t interfere in you young people’s relationships.”
The family had kept Qiu Zheyan’s room before he left home, and it had been cleaned.
The room wasn’t large, but it was full of life – a single bed, a desk, a craft table, and a closet containing textbooks, CDs, figurines, and a guitar. It was still very much a high school boy’s room.
Zhuang Hanxue sat on the bed, which was soft and immediately sank under him. He asked, “Can I look around?”
Qiu Zheyan replied nonchalantly, “Sure. I’m going to the bathroom.”
When Qiu Zheyan returned, he saw Zhuang Hanxue sitting cross-legged on the floor, an open cardboard box beside him. Realizing what the box contained, he was startled. “What are you looking at?”
Zhuang Hanxue held up a magazine with a half-naked man on the cover. “Your adult magazines.”
He clicked his tongue in admiration. “They’re all male-male adult magazines. Not a single busty girl.”
Qiu Zheyan blushed, embarrassedly snatching the magazine back as he sat down. “I told you I’ve always liked men. My parents know, too.”
Zhuang Hanxue draped an arm over his shoulder. “Why are you blushing? But do you like this muscular type? I don’t have that many hard muscles.”
Qiu Zheyan said directly, “I like your type.”
Zhuang Hanxue grabbed the magazine back. “Let me look some more.”
He didn’t seem particularly excited, but he wasn’t repulsed either, just looking curious.
If one had to compare, it was like he was looking at kittens or puppies.
While flipping through, Zhuang Hanxue asked, “Do you spend every Christmas with your parents? Other holidays, too? They seem to get along well.”
Qiu Zheyan replied, “Yes, my father loves my mother very much, but they argue sometimes.”
Without looking up, Zhuang Hanxue asked casually, “What about when you came out? Didn’t they scold you?”
Qiu Zheyan said, “It was okay. My mom said she had found my browsing history when using my computer before and was waiting for me to confess voluntarily. So they accepted it but reminded me to be serious when dating someone, and if things got serious, to bring them home to meet the family.”
Zhuang Hanxue said enviously, “That’s nice. When my brother came out, it was chaos at home. My mom blamed my dad, my dad blamed my mom. My brother had already run away, and I happened to be passing by, so I got beaten up. It was so unfair.”
After a while, Zhuang Hanxue added, “My family never sits down to eat together like that.”
The room was warm with the heater on. Zhuang Hanxue wore only a thin V-neck sweater and jeans, one leg folded up. He hunched slightly, resting his chin on his knee.
From Qiu Zheyan’s perspective, Zhuang Hanxue’s silhouette looked slender. When he lowered his eyelashes, it cast a seemingly melancholic shadow, giving him an oddly childlike innocence that didn’t match his age.
Qiu Zheyan: “I’ll eat with you.”
Zhuang Hanxue turned and smiled at him, tossing aside the adult magazine. “Your magazines are boring. I’m better, right?”
Qiu Zheyan’s heart skipped a beat as he saw Zhuang Hanxue lean back, his askew collar revealing delicate collarbones. He swallowed. Just as he was about to reach out, Zhuang Hanxue suddenly stood up, saying, “I want to look through your wardrobe. You don’t have anything embarrassing in there, right?”
Qiu Zheyan felt a moment of guilt, quickly thought and said: “No. Go ahead and look.”
Indeed, there was nothing dirty to be found.
Zhuang Hanxue pulled out a basketball uniform. “I saw a photo of you playing basketball on your family’s photo wall earlier. Were you on the basketball team?”
Qiu Zheyan nodded. “Yes. But I wasn’t very good. They only called me in as a substitute. Later, when they found out I was gay, though they didn’t say anything, I still quit the basketball team in tenth grade.”
Zhuang Hanxue suddenly started undressing right in front of him, stripping completely and then putting on his high school basketball uniform. “It fits me perfectly, right?”
Qiu Zheyan said, “It’s still a bit big.”
Zhuang Hanxue asked, “Does it look good?”
Qiu Zheyan sat on the bed, pulling his hand to draw him closer. “Are you trying to seduce me?”
Zhuang Hanxue straddled his legs, the ambient light casting a hazy glow on his facial contours from behind. His eyes seemed to hold both a smile and a dream as he softly asked: “Xiao Qiu, did you ever sneak anyone in for the night when you were a teenager?”
Qiu Zheyan’s heart raced, his breath becoming hot. He instinctively wrapped his arms around Zhuang Hanxue’s waist.
“Zip-” He heard the sound of his zipper being undone.
In the darkness, only their careful sounds could be heard.
“Why aren’t you making any noise?”
“Your parents are home. It would be too embarrassing if we were caught.”
“Haha… So you do have a sense of shame?”
“… Even someone like me can feel shame, you know.”
Qiu Zheyan’s heart skipped a beat, as if he had truly returned to his youth, passionately liking someone for the first time without reservation, liking them so much it hurt.
Qiu Zheyan couldn’t control himself.
He felt like a lovestruck middle school student, secretly intimate with his lover in his room at night, hiding from his parents.
He kept saying “I like you” in his ear between kisses.
When Qiu Zheyan woke up, he saw it was snowing outside.
Zhuang Hanxue was sitting on the edge of the bed, unclothed, his back to him. His fair back was covered in reddish kiss marks.
Qiu Zheyan felt a bit embarrassed, realizing he had been too rough with Zhuang Hanxue last night. He sat up and saw Zhuang Hanxue seemed to be looking at something.
“What are you looking at…” Qiu Zheyan moved closer and was stunned to see Zhuang Hanxue holding a photograph.
It was a picture of him and his ex-boyfriend.
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