Zhuang Hanxue heard him getting up and glanced back at him, then looked at the photo again. “You haven’t changed much since college, just a different hairstyle. Your ex-boyfriend is quite handsome, though he seems completely different from me. Hmm, except that we’re both older than you.”
Qiu Zheyan had been worried about Zhuang Hanxue’s reaction, but seeing him so calm, as if critiquing a TV show plot, made him inexplicably annoyed. It was more than just indifference.
Qiu Zheyan took the photo and asked, “Where did you find this?”
In the picture, there was a red brick wall and yellow ginkgo leaves. Qiu Zheyan looked more youthful than now, wearing sportswear. Beside him stood a man half a head shorter, dressed in a knit sweater and black pants, with a refined and gentle appearance, seeming steady in character.
Zhuang Hanxue said, “It was under the mattress. I wondered what it was, pulled it out, and saw it was a photo of you two. This guy’s clearly your ex-boyfriend, right?”
Qiu Zheyan remained silent.
Zhuang Hanxue sat cross-legged, asking curiously, “Won’t you tell me about him?”
Qiu Zheyan’s face darkened further. “There’s nothing to tell.”
The more reluctant Qiu Zheyan was to speak, the more curious Zhuang Hanxue became. He pressed on, “Come on, tell me. What, still have feelings for him? Is that why you don’t want to talk about it? Alright, alright… why are you getting angry…”
Qiu Zheyan grabbed his shoulders. “You see a photo of me with another man and you’re not even jealous?”
Zhuang Hanxue looked puzzled. “Uh, why should I be jealous? You two broke up years ago, right?”
“‘Why should I be jealous? You two broke up years ago, right?’ That’s how casually he responded to me.” After returning to China, Qiu Zheyan glumly sought out a friend to vent his frustrations, banging his forehead against his arm on the table. “Why isn’t he even a bit jealous?”
The bar owner chuckled, “Wouldn’t it be worse if your boyfriend got irrationally jealous over an ex’s photo?”
Qiu Zheyan was deeply troubled. “But I can’t shake the feeling that he doesn’t really love me. It’s as if we’re just in a sponsor relationship.”
The owner paused wiping the glass, then after a moment said, “You haven’t realized it yet, have you?”
Qiu Zheyan asked, “Realized what?”
The owner replied, “He doesn’t work, lives off you, eats your food, uses your things. A relationship maintained by financial support is usually called a sugar arrangement, my friend.”
Qiu Zheyan straightened up, angrily retorting, “That’s not true! It’s only a sugar arrangement if there’s no feelings involved. We’re dating. He just can’t earn money and doesn’t want to work, so I spoil him and support him. We’ve both expressed our feelings for each other. I like him, and he likes me too!”
The owner inquired, “He said he likes you? In bed? What men say in bed doesn’t count.”
Qiu Zheyan vehemently denied it. “Of course not in bed.”
Qiu Zheyan recalled instances when Zhuang Hanxue expressed his affection.
Like when he said, “I’ve finished the pack of cigarettes you gave me a few days ago. Can I have another? I know it’s not been three days as we agreed, and I know smoking too much is bad for health. How about half a pack then? Even three cigarettes would do. Thanks, Qiuqiu, I like you so much.”
Or, “Darling, we’re out of beer in the fridge. Can you buy another case? I love having beer with my meals. I really want some, I really do, I really do… Thanks, Qiuqiu, I really like you. Here, I’ll share half of this last can with you.”
And, “Xiao Qiu, have you seen that new game? It looks so fun, and the reviews are great. I saw a streamer play it, and I really want to try it too. I’ve finished all the games I bought before. Why don’t you get this one, and we can play together on the weekend? Come on, please? I’m itching to play it… Hehe, baby, I love you the most!”
Invariably, after getting his way, he’d plant a quick kiss on Qiu Zheyan’s lips before running off to play.
Qiu Zheyan thought about it, slowly covering his face in silence. “…”
Something felt off.
But to say Zhuang Hanxue was after his money? It didn’t seem quite right either.
Zhuang Hanxue had minimal material desires. Apart from his love for smoking, drinking, and gaming, he’d never asked for anything expensive. Not only did he not ask, but when Qiu Zheyan bought him pricey clothes, he rarely wore them, preferring cheap t-shirts at home. He used cheap lighters from the supermarket, and never requested rings, belts, watches, or sports cars.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing… nothing…”
Qiu Zheyan said, somewhat gloomily, “After we returned, I told him my parents had a good impression of him. He was surprised and said, ‘How is that possible? You’re so outstanding. Don’t your parents think I’m too unaccomplished to be with you?'”
Qiu Zheyan added, full of affection, “I think he might be insecure, feeling old and without a career, so he lacks confidence. Is he worried I might abandon him at any time? Thinking this way, I find him both pitiful and adorable. Oh, my poor dear.”
The bar owner hesitated, then said, “Well… as long as you’re happy…”
Zhuang Hanxue’s older brother was still at the hospital with his child. Zhuang Hanxue continued to run errands to pass the time, bringing game consoles and board games to play with the kids.
Qiu Zheyan went to the hospital to pick him up.
Outside the door, he overheard the brothers talking.
Zhuang Hanchen: “You’ve already met his parents. How’s it going?”
Zhuang Hanxue: “I don’t know. Maybe okay. Even if they disapprove, they wouldn’t say it outright, right? Xiao Qiu says his parents like me, but who knows? I’ve never been particularly likable to elders. They know I’m a failure.”
Zhuang Hanchen sighed, “If you know you’re a failure, why not improve yourself?”
Zhuang Hanxue: “No thanks.”
Zhuang Hanchen: “Then why did you agree to meet his parents?”
He heard Zhuang Hanxue say, “It’s hard to refuse. His parents are nice, much better than ours. I couldn’t say no, but if they reject me, I’m off the hook.”
Zhuang Hanchen said, “It’s this carefree attitude of yours that’s left you accomplishing nothing at your age.”
Zhuang Hanxue: “Does everyone have to accomplish something in life? The world doesn’t need me specifically. I don’t have grand dreams of changing the world anyway.”
“You live in his house, eat his food, use his things. How is this different from being kept? Don’t you have any shame?”
“Nope. As long as I’m happy, it’s fine. Don’t worry so much.”
“Listen, a relationship between two men isn’t as simple as you think… You’ll understand eventually. Right now, you’re being kept like a pet. What if you break up? You’ll be older, harder to find work. How will you support yourself then?”
“I don’t like going out anyway. My dream is to live an idle life. What’s wrong with that?”
“How long have you known him? Are you sure he’ll support your idle lifestyle forever? If he really cared about you, he wouldn’t keep you cooped up at home. If you wanted an idle life, why did you leave home in the first place?”
“Because I don’t want to get married. I’d rather work than get married.”
Hearing this, Qiu Zheyan quietly walked away to the first floor of the inpatient department and messaged Zhuang Hanxue: “I’m here to pick you up.”
Zhuang Hanxue came downstairs and, upon seeing him, immediately draped himself over Qiu Zheyan, his usual lack of proper posture evident.
They walked home hand in hand.
On the way, they bought a box of fried potatoes from a vendor, sharing bites between them.
Qiu Zheyan knew he had issues. He deliberately allowed Zhuang Hanxue to stay unemployed, idling about, not wanting him to improve. If Zhuang Hanxue went to work and interacted with others, Qiu Zheyan couldn’t fill every aspect of his life anymore. Zhuang Hanxue was well-educated and had a good job before; Qiu Zheyan had essentially tricked him into this situation. He knew it was selfish, but who in this world could claim to be entirely selfless?
Zhuang Hanxue hummed a tune, saying cheerfully, “In a week, my niece will be discharged. Then my brother will leave. My tough days are finally over.”
Qiu Zheyan replied, “You say that, but you’ve been visiting your brother every day.”
Zhuang Hanxue shrugged, “Well, he’s still my big brother.”
Qiu Zheyan squeezed his hand and asked, “The New Year’s holiday is coming up. I’m planning to treat my company’s employees to dinner and some fun. Want to join us?”
Zhuang Hanxue shook his head without hesitation, “Why should I go? I’d rather stay home and play games.”
Remembering his brother’s words, Qiu Zheyan hesitantly said, “You haven’t been out to socialize in a long time. Come out and play, just to get some fresh air. It’s not good to always be cooped up at home.”
After much persuasion, Zhuang Hanxue finally nodded, “Alright.”
That’s what he said, at least.
Qiu Zheyan couldn’t help but worry about Zhuang Hanxue: Was he a socially anxious homebody? Would he be scared meeting people? Would he just sit in a corner playing with his phone? Would he be startled if anyone tried to talk to him? If left unchecked, he might just throw on any old clothes. It would be a waste of his good looks.
Fretting over these concerns, Qiu Zheyan booked the restaurant and went home to pick up Zhuang Hanxue. Upon entering, he was stunned.
Zhuang Hanxue had already dressed himself up, looking radiant. With just a change of style, he suddenly exuded the aura of a white-collar elite, seeming several years younger.
Qiu Zheyan was impressed. He looked similar to when Qiu Zheyan first met him.
Zhuang Hanxue said excitedly, “Let’s go.”
Qiu Zheyan asked, “Didn’t you say you didn’t want to go out? Why dress up so carefully if you didn’t want to go?”
Zhuang Hanxue retorted, “It’s precisely because going out to socialize is such a hassle that I don’t want to go out.”
Qiu Zheyan had worried Zhuang Hanxue might be shy, but upon arriving at the restaurant’s private room, Zhuang Hanxue smiled and greeted everyone warmly. “Hello, I’m your boss’s friend, Zhuang Hanxue. You can call me Xiao Zhuang.”
He then chuckled, “Oh, wait, I’m older than you all. You should call me Lao Zhuang. Haha.”
He wasn’t shy at all and had chatted with several people in no time.
After dinner, they went to sing karaoke.
When Qiu Zheyan returned from a quick bathroom break, he found the few pretty girls from his company all gathered around Zhuang Hanxue, chatting away happily.
Qiu Zheyan: “…”
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