[T/N: Warning, suicidal thought and attempt.]
The remaining warmth in the late autumn night was gone.
Shen Yuhan went back to his room in a daze, he didn’t know how he got into bed, and he didn’t know how he got himself into the quilt, now he even found it difficult to breathe, and it was unbearable.
It’s also unknown if the esteemed father1老太爺 (lǎo tài yé): elderly gentleman (respectful); esteemed father; (honorific) your father; my father or father-in-law. saw that his life was going too smoothly or something, so he was brought here to suffer this kind of misfortune.
If he’s dead, then he’s dead, death ends all one’s troubles2一了百了 (yī liǎo bǎi liǎo): once the main problem is solved, all troubles are solved; death ends all one’s troubles; all troubles end when the main trouble ends., how can he brought back from the dead, it’s also unknown how many thousands of years later it was today.
He doesn’t like the modern world at all, and he doesn’t like the people around him at all, none of them are sincere.
Shan Qihuan is so bad, obviously, he treats him with sincerity3真心實意 (zhēn xīn shí yì): genuine and sincere (idiom); wholehearted; from the bottom of one’s heart; in real earnest; sincerely., but he only thinks that he is acting, but he is the one who treats him best, he is the one who gives him the best, and now he is the one who hurts his heart the most.
He can’t change the fact that he is ‘Shen Yuhan’, but he was so friendly, how can he not see it? Is the time too short?
From now on, they have nothing to do with each other, but still live under the same roof?
He’s been treating him like his husband, but he actually made him sad like this.
But who can he blame?
Blame God4老天爺 (lǎo tiān yé): God; Heavens; ［used in exclamations］ good heavens; my God; my goodness; good gracious.?
Shen Yuhan buried his face under the quilt and cried endlessly.
He missed his family, although his mother used to be strict with him, no one ever said such harsh words to him in the past, his father also loved him very much, before the emperor issued the imperial edict, he had been worrying about his marriage, his brothers, although they each had their own personalities, but no matter where they go, they always bring him souvenirs when they came back.
The night before he got married, his brothers all cried.
As the saying goes, a man will not shed tears easily, but that is only because he has not reached the point of being sad5男兒有淚不輕彈，只是未至傷心處 (nán ér yǒu lèi bù qīng tán, zhǐ shì wèi zhì shāng xīn chù): A man does not cry easily, but that is only because he has not reached the point of being sad; even if a man has tears, he will not show them easily; men only weep when deeply grieved..
They must have been extremely sad when they looked at himself married far away, he was also sad, but he never thought that they would be separated forever, if he were still in Qi Kingdom, and if he had not been robbed by bandits, perhaps their family can still be reunited in their remaining years6有生之年 (yǒu shēng zhī nián): one’s remaining years; the rest of one’s life..
But here, he was cold, hungry, and sad, and his family had no way of knowing, and he also had no way of knowing their family’s situation, if they were in Qi Kingdom, they would still be able to correspond.
It would be better to marry the dreadful ruler of the Chu Kingdom, so what if he’s old, at least he won’t pour his feelings into that old man.
No, he is still alive in someone else’s body, and all his family members have long been dead, gone!
The more he thought about it, the sadder he felt, Shen Yuhan stared at the ceiling and cried silently, after a while, he burst into tears7嚎啕大哭 (háo táo dà kū): to wail; to bawl (idiom); crying loudly; howl; cry 【shed】bitter tears; burst into a rage of tears. again, his grief is beyond words.
There were also bursts of coughing at the end.
He coughed a little when he came back this evening, and now that he is crying, he not only feels uncomfortable mentally, but also feels even worse physically.
Shen Yuhan’s face turned red from coughing, and he almost suffocated, so he had to sit up, his throat became more and more itchy and he coughed more.
He wants to go home, he doesn’t want to stay in modern times, the atmosphere here is open, and everyone here is very free, he doesn’t understand anything and can’t learn anything, modern people have been in this environment since they were born, they learn everything quickly, but when he hear an unfamiliar word or character, he have to ponder it carefully for a long time, this place is suitable for all modern people, but it is not suitable for him, who comes from an unknown dynasty.
The people here have a different perspective on distancing themselves from those they don’t like, they can get a divorce anytime, meet new people in a couple of days, fall in love again, and rebuild their families.
But he can’t, he can’t do that, Shan Qihuan pointed out that ‘Shen Yuhan’ had pursued someone else, he cared about it and was unwilling to be with him anymore, but what about him, they have already shared the same bed, and many people know that they are married.
He has never been married, nor has he ever married anyone, besides, the one who pursue Shan Qiyun is not him, but he had no way to explain himself.
But how could Shan Qihuan treat him like this? He cleanly and decisively separates from people without feelings, directly parting ways.
But he is an ancient man with old-fashioned ideas, he doesn’t want to stay, in this world, he is just an outsider.
He thought sadly and angrily, since ‘Shen Yuhan’ has no relatives nor friends8無親無故 (wú qīn wú gù): No relatives and no reason; to have no relatives and friends; with neither family nor friends., no one would feel sorry for him either when he leaves this world.
If he die again, will he be able to cross back again?
Yes, he crossed over after death, maybe he can cross back over after death, and return to Qi Kingdom!
After returning home, he doesn’t have to secretly learn modern knowledge every day, and he doesn’t have to be misunderstood, let alone be disliked by his husband, anyway, he has already died once, he doesn’t care if he dies one more time.
He doesn’t want anything in the modern world, and he doesn’t want it anymore!
But how is he going to die?
Thinking of this problem, Shen Yuhan’s tears suddenly stopped, he jumped out of bed barefoot, and ran to the balcony, he remembered that there were reports in the news that some people climbed to the top of the building and jumped to commit suicide, there was no possibility of survival above the tenth floor, this was the first way to die, but this was the third floor, at most, the legs will be broken, the lower limbs will be paralyzed, more dead than alive9半死不活 (bàn sǐ bù huó): more dead than alive; be more than half-dead; low-spirited; sluggish; slouchy; Describe the look of exhaustion and lack of energy., and life would be worse than death10生不如死 (shēng bù rú sǐ): would rather be dead than alive; living hell., unacceptable.
The second way to die is to be hit by a car, but it is easy to die on the highway, however, there are no cars in their community, and the streets outside are full of slow-moving vehicles, and he doesn’t know the way either, this method of death was unreliable, he would probably only break his legs and feet, which would be the same, life would be worse than death, unacceptable.
The third way to die is drowning, he remembered that they said that ‘Shen Yuhan’ was pushed into the water, and then he came over, but right now, he couldn’t find a lake anywhere, and he couldn’t die, he might be rescued by a kind-hearted person passing by, unacceptable.
The fourth way to die, he could cut his own veins and kill himself, there are knives in the kitchen!
Shen Yuhan came back to the house from the cold balcony, he stopped crying, but he didn’t take his coat either, he went downstairs with bare feet, and went straight to the kitchen to look for a knife.
–
Shan Qihuan next door also felt uncomfortable.
He thought about it all night, knowing what would happen to Shen Yuhan after he said those cold words, he loved to cry so much, and he looked particularly sad every time he cried.
He thought it would be good for Shen Yuhan to cry this time, he wouldn’t have to cry because of his words in the future.
In fact, Shen Yuhan is not as bad as he thought, his temper is actually quite good, he had never seen him angry, he’s just a bit delicate, loves to act coquettishly, and loves to cry, he is very obedient in front of him, and does whatever he is told, and will not put forward excessive demands.
How could such a good Shen Yuhan get into fights, quarrels, and use foul language? Maybe it was the departure of his parents that caused his temperament to change drastically, now that his grandfather left, he has lost support and calmed down, and it is understandable that he has changed back to his original self.
Shan Qihuan was lying on the bed without paying attention to sleep, he didn’t dare to turn on the video with his mobile phone on, he still heard the crying coming from the next door, as expected, he was crying miserably and coughing, don’t know if he caught a cold because he didn’t wear enough clothes today.
He was ready to lift the quilt a few times, but in the end, he put down his hand holding the quilt.
When he put down the hand that lifted the quilt for the fifth time, there were no more crying sound next door, and then he only heard Shen Yuhan getting out of bed and opening the balcony door, the room next door was close to his balcony, and the sound was very clear.
Why open the window in the middle of the night?
He don’t know whether the window was closed or not, but Shan Qihuan heard Shen Yuhan open the door of his room, and run downstairs.
What is he doing again?
Shan Qihuan couldn’t let go of his heart, so he finally lifted the quilt for the sixth time and opened the door to go out.
Right, he went downstairs to pour water, not to see what Shen Yuhan was doing in the middle of the night.
He followed him down the stairs, and the lights were not turned on all the way, it was pitch black.
There was a night light in the staircase, but it wasn’t bright, but Shen Yuhan was obviously running downstairs, why didn’t he turn on the light downstairs, what was he doing?
It’s not necessary to go to the living room to watch TV when he’s angry and crying, right, he can also watch it on his mobile phone, or go outside to enjoy the breeze?
Shan Qihuan’s idea was obviously wrong, the TV in the living room is not turned on.
Then Shen Yuhan went downstairs to drink water?
But he was crying like that just now, it’s not logical for him to suddenly come downstairs to drink water.
Then, Shan Qihuan heard a clanking sound coming from the kitchen, only knives would make such a sound.
What was he doing in the kitchen with a knife?
Shan Qihuan first turned on the lights in the living room, followed the sound into the kitchen, and then turned on the kitchen lights as well.
The next part will be posted soon.
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