WMWH Chapter 22

#Fang Fang from the Stars (heaven/sky)#

The name “Fang Fang” was just Fang Fang’s nickname at first, and his given name was Fang Yihai. But the name “Fang Yihai” disappeared forever when Fang Fang was twelve years old.

It was an autumn morning, and I was about to take him to the hospital for routine treatment. As we were about to leave, Fang Fang suddenly asked me, “Mom, why are we going to the hospital?”

I was stunned by his sudden question and couldn’t answer it for a while. After thinking for a long while, I said carefully: “Because the doctor likes Fang Fang very much and wants to meet you.”

Fang Fang said, “I don’t want to.”

After that, no matter how much I tried to persuade or coax him, he would never go out again.

At first, I thought it was just that he happened to be in a bad mood and didn’t want to go out, so I didn’t care. At that time, Fang Fang’s autism had greatly improved after years of treatment. The doctor said that if he persisted for a few more years, perhaps Fang Fang could become just like ordinary people.

This is a miracle. When I first heard the news, I held Fang Fang in my arms and burst into tears. I felt that more than ten years of persistence had finally paid off.

However, for some unknown reason, Fang Fang began to resist treatment from that time on. Doctors said that Fang Fang’s condition was very rare.

“He has developed a mature personality, a personality which has realized that we are interfering with the Self-consciousness of the Being. And that if we succeed in our interference he will disappear, so he is subconsciously imploring the Being to resist.”

“Ms. Jiang, if we insist on the original treatment plan, there is a high possibility that Fang Yihai’s current personality will collapse, permanently closing himself off, and becoming a mentally disabled child.”

The doctor asked me to go home and think about it carefully, but there was no room for me to think about it. Either keep the current state or let him become mentally disabled—what else was I supposed to choose besides the former? However, I still couldn’t help but feel unwilling to do so. Finally one day, I tentatively asked him, “Fang Fang, do you know you are ill health?”

He was carving wood when he stopped and began to examine his body.

I said, “It’s not the body, it’s here.” I pointed to my head.

He touched his head and shook it.

I simply said directly: “Fang Fang, you are sick and need to see a doctor.”

He said: “Fang Fang is not sick.”

I said, “Yes, Fang Fang is sick.”

He put down the wood carving in his hand and said, “Fang Fang is not sick, Fang Yihai is the one who is sick.”

I said: “You are Fang Fang, and Fang Yihai is also you.”

He turned his back to me and said, “I am Fang Fang, not Fang Yihai.”

I patiently explained to him: “Fang Fang is just your nickname, Fang Yihai is the name given to you by your parents.”

But he still said: “I am Fang Fang, not Fang Yihai.”

“I told you that Fang Fang is just your nickname, and Fang Yihai is the name your parents gave you!” I almost yelled it out, but I regretted it after I almost screamed.

I shouldn’t have done this to him.

I was just not willing to give up.

He didn’t speak. Other people’s children would throw things and lose their temper when they were angry, but he never did that.

He would only lie motionless on the ground, like a whale stranded on the beach.

“Fang Fang, get up.” I shook his feet.

“Mom doesn’t like Fang Fang,” he leaned sideways and sobbed softly, “Mom likes Fang Yihai.”

Here it came again, dead logic that could never be explained.

“Then why can’t you be Fang Yihai?” I asked him.

“Because it’s Fang Fang who likes mom, not Fang Yihai.” He cried.

I couldn’t ask any more questions, I didn’t know what else to do except to hug him.

I noticed Fang Fang’s autistic tendencies when he was two years old. During that time, Fang Fang’s father’s company was on the rise and he was very busy at work, so I had to go to the company to help him. We got married late, and the elderly in our family had passed away, so we had to hire a nanny to take care of the children at home.

When I came to my senses, Fang Fang was already a year and a half old, but he still didn’t want to speak. I was a little anxious, logically speaking, one and a half years old was the adequate age for a child to start talking. I was wondering if I should take Fang Fang to see a doctor, but the nanny told me no, some children tended to speak later, and Fang Fang would probably call Mom after a few months. She was a very experienced person, and at that time I was busy with a project and needed to travel, so I didn’t take it to heart.

But when Fang Fang was two years old, he still didn’t want to talk. He didn’t even cry much, and he was quiet and not like a child at all. I finally realized something was wrong, and I didn’t dare to delay any longer, so I took him to the hospital for examination without any wait. After the test results came out, I was stunned.

The doctor said that Fang Fang probably had autism.

I couldn’t believe it and asked the doctor why.

The doctor said: “Ms. Jiang, this disease has no cause. The cause of the disease cannot be determined medically, and it cannot even be cured. The only thing we can do at the moment is to help you adapt to your child and help your children to adapt to life.”

I couldn’t help but cry. Fang Fang’s father also cried when he found out, saying that he was not a good father and that he was sorry for the child and sorry for me. I said, “This is not the fault of any of us. Fang Fang’s illness is congenital and has nothing to do with the environment.” After I finished speaking, tears fell again. From that time on, I quit my job and focused on taking care of my children at home.

When I first accompanied Fang Fang, I was always so sad that I wanted to cry. Other mothers wished their children could be quieter and less noisy, but our Fang Fang was as quiet as a rag doll on the table. If it weren’t for him sometimes crawling, moving, and blinking, I felt like I was about to collapse.

The doctor said that Fang Fang’s perception of the outside world was very slow, and his body needed to be constantly stimulated to let him feel the pressure of the outside world. My strength was relatively small, so I could only hold Fang Fang to gently pat and caress his back and occasionally pull his small hand and pinch his feet. Fang Fang’s father had great strength. Whenever he had time, he lifted Fang Fang up and threw him into the air like a small cloth bag before catching him. Alternatively, he rolled Fang Fang up with a large towel, grabbed both ends and shook it.

When doing these things, Fang Fang’s father and I always couldn’t help but want to laugh, and after laughing we felt a little bit like crying.

Before Fang Fang was five years old, apart from routine treatment in the hospital, Fang Fang’s daily life consisted of various small games.

The bed was where we spent most of our time. I would roll up Fang Fang with the quilt and ask him to roll from one side to the other, and then I would tell him: “Mom is rolling Fang Fang, round and round Fang Fang, hahaha.” Sometimes we would also play pillow fights, where Fang Fang was used as a pillow. I would pick him up and throw him into the pile of quilts, or let him sit on the bed. Then I would take the pillow and gently pat his little head while saying: “Fang Fang is going to be hit by the pillow. Hurry up and hide~”

The first time Fang Fang’s father saw me playing with Fang Fang like this, his expression was indescribable. Later I told him that this was all taught by the doctor and it was no problem, and then slowly he began to let himself go. He often threw Fang Fang’s favourite toys far away, then patted him on the head and said, “Fang Fang, go pick it up.” At first, Fang Fang ignored him, but he would still occasionally throw it away. Later, Fang Fang followed his words and did as he was told, so he threw more cheerfully. Sometimes, while Fang Fang is playing well, he would take some other things and throw them away, and then say, “Ah, where did the things go? Oh, there, let Fang Fang go get it back~”

Then Fang Fang would run to pick it up with his short legs.

It’s really, really excessive.

Although the doctor didn’t believe it, I really saw Fang Fang cackle to himself. He had put his two chubby hands under his armpits, turned them around, and then grinned brightly. I couldn’t laugh or cry, but in the end, I praised him: “Fang Fang did a great job! Do it again!”

Oh, it was so stupid, cute and sad.

When Fang Fang was six years old, Fang Fang’s father and I accidentally had another child. During the examination at the hospital, Fang Fang’s father asked me if I wanted to keep the child. I thought about it for a long time and said: Let’s take a look for a while.

At that time, I had been with Fang Fang full-time at home for nearly four years, but Fang Fang still couldn’t call out his mother (mom), and he didn’t respond when I hugged and kissed him. It would be a lie to say that I was not sad, so when I knew I could have another child, I was moved.

Because I stayed in the hospital for a long time, it was already late when I went home. This was the time when I was supposed to play games with Fang Fang. I opened the door and saw Fang Fang walking from one room to another, from the kitchen to the living room and then to the balcony. He slowly searched all the places where I usually stayed.

He held the ball without making any noise, without any sound, just a look of abandonment and tears streaming down his face.

I walked over and hugged him tightly and tears fell down my face.

How stupid I was to think that he didn’t love me.

Doctors said that children with autism were generally divided into two types, one was low-functioning and the other was high-functioning. Children with high-functioning autism generally had the same IQ as ordinary people. Therefore, as long as they were well nurtured, they could still take care of themselves, and they would be basically the same as ordinary people when they grew up. Fortunately, Fang Fang’s autism was a high-functioning type, and this had become one of the important reasons why I had insisted on personally caring for and teaching Fang Fang for so many years. I believed that as long as I didn’t give up, maybe one day Fang Fang would be able to integrate into this society just like ordinary people and have a satisfying job and a happy family.

I had been working hard towards this goal.

I knew Fang Fang worked hard too. As doctors said, children with autism were usually exceptionally intelligent, but one had to meet their varying intensity of needs in order for their wisdom to shine in the world.

Fang Fang showed extraordinary talent in art from a very young age. There was a time when he was obsessed with picking up stones from the flower beds and grass downstairs, and then he piled them together. I didn’t care at the time, thinking he was just having fun. Later, while cleaning, I discovered that he had built a small fortress out of the small stones he had picked up. Without any adhesive, just relying on the inlay of the stone edges, he piled up a half-meter-high building.

From that time on, I gradually understood that maybe autism was not just a flaw in Fang Fang’s life, but also a gift given to him by God. As the old saying goes: “When God closes a door for you, he will definitely open a window for you.”

When he was ten years old, Fang Fang’s learning ability and IQ were almost the same as those of ordinary children of the same age. After discussing with Fang Fang’s father, I decided to send him to an ordinary school in G city for a period of time, hoping that he could get along with his peers. It would be best if he could make some good friends.

But the situation was not ideal. On the one hand, Fang Fang had no interest in what the teacher said and was not even willing to take the exam; on the other hand, there were many children who always bullied him secretly. I believed that children meant no harm, but their teasing behaviour was too cruel for a mother.

Finally, after one of Fang Fang’s classmates pricked his buttocks with a pencil and it bled, I hired a taekwondo instructor for Fang Fang at home.

As a mother, it was impossible for me to teach my Fang Fang to take revenge on another child, but at least I wanted him to have the ability to protect himself.