April was the deadline. After a month of preparation, the filming team organized by Shu Ran was about to set off. After careful consideration, Xu Shen finally decided to stay back at the base camp and provide them with logistics.
It was what Shu Ran wanted. After all, they were about to be absent for several months, and Xu Shen, a busy man, really couldn’t leave.
However, Xu Shen was worried. If Shu Ran, a weak scholar with a weak manner, was placed in a remote village, it would be difficult to find out in time if something bad happened.
“I have bodyguards, I have an accompanying doctor, I even have some commonly used medicines…” Shu Ran counted a lot in one breath, finding out quite helplessly that he almost moved his entire family… All of it was prepared by Xu Shen for him. He sighed: “Comrade Xu Shen, what else are you worried about?”
As some would say, Xu Shen replied: “If you’re not under my nose, I won’t feel at ease.”
Shu Ran was amused: “Then just tie me to your belt.”
He was twenty-seven… Oh no, he just celebrated his birthday not long ago so he was now twenty-eight. Such an old man, but he never did anything alone in all of those years. At least he used to do farm work in the village before meeting Xu Shen…
Now, the more he worked, the more squeamish he became.
“I think so too.” Xu Shen felt very comfortable thinking about that scene, having the chance to hang his wife on his body, and so on… He smiled evilly: “But you definitely don’t want to.”
“It’s good that you know.” Shu Ran poked his forehead: “Okay, stop nagging me, you’re not Mrs. Xianglin. No matter how much you nag me, I still have to go out for fun.”1The Mrs. Xianglin here refers to the main character in “The New Year’s Sacrifice” (祝福), a short story by Lu Xun, originally published in Oriental Magazine, Volume 21, Number 6 (March 25, 1924). It was later compiled in Lu Xun’s second collection of short stories, Wandering. It narrates the story of a woman who lives a tragic life that eventually forces her to the fringes of societal moral standards. The story is a way to motivate social changes, since it has a distinctive consideration of women’s dilemma by taking into account women’s liberty concepts.
“You’re so cruel.” Xu Shen looked at him resentfully.
“You have said this sentence no less than a hundred times this month.” Shu Ran rolled his eyes and answered.
“If I miss you a lot…” Xu Shen said. “I’ll just take two days off and come find you.”
However, his idea was immediately rejected by Shu Ran: “Don’t come, the transportation is inconvenient.” It was such a hassle to go back and forth…
…And besides, if they saw each other for a day or two and then separated again, it would only cause lovesickness.
“Yes, it’s hard to get used to it.” Xu Shen sighed. “It will be so hard to let you go when the time comes.”
“That’s it, right?” Shu Ran said.
The room fell into silence. They had conversations like that several times in the past few days. Every time they talked about the impending separation, it always ended with a heavy atmosphere. It really fits that specific sentence… “The unknown that has not yet arrived is the most tormenting.”
And that was before they even separated… They didn’t even dare to think about how hard it would be when the day finally came.
The two of them were tortured unbearably by their imagined life-and-death separation, hugging each other and staging a big show, just like a final farewell…
…But in fact, it was only a three to five month business trip. And it might not even take five months. If everything went well, three months were enough.
After finishing a round of “loving workouts”, Xu Shen helped Shu Ran clean up the mess and put in the required medicinal jade, saying worriedly: “Once you’re outside, this would be so inconvenient.”
Without him around to help, Shu Ran, that lazy guy, probably wouldn’t care about the health of that part of his body.
Shu Ran snorted: “Then let’s not do it for the time being. I won’t use it while I’m gone anyway.”
Without Xu Shen’s “care and understanding”, he wouldn’t have heard of another man, homosexual or not, who needed to be taken care of like that every day…
The implication was that it was all Xu Shen’s fault!
“Yes.” Xu Shen bit him hard. “You’re happier without me.”
“Ah!” Shu Ran was caught off guard and gasped while bitten. He immediately frowned and cursed: “Where did you bite?! It hurts!”
“Bite where it’s tender.” Xu Shen smiled and licked the tips of his teeth, savoring the delicious feeling.
“I’m too lazy to pay attention to you…” Shu Ran closed his legs and turned to the other side to sleep.
The bite was very painful, but the pain passed after a second or two. Definitely not as bad as the torture of missing Xu Shen for the next few months.
Xu Shen silently cleaned up the scene and lay down. After a long time, he hugged Shu Ran from behind, kissed his ear, and asked in a seductive whisper: “You little heartless boy, will you really not miss me??”
Shu Ran was tickled by him, winced and laughed, and then was asked again: “Tell me quickly, will you miss me or not?”
“What do you think?” Shu Ran and Xu Shen intertwined their fingers and traced each other’s lips: “I definitely want you to hug me every night.”
He was already used to Xu Shen’s company. Without the warmth of Xu Shen’s chest, it would be difficult to sleep peacefully.
“Hmm…” Xu Shen and his wife hugged each other stickly. Thinking that they would no longer be able to kiss by that time tomorrow night, they needed to hug and kiss now as much as they could.
Of course, Shu Ran couldn’t let go of Xu Shen either. After ten years of companionship, that man was like a lush tree that had taken root in his heart, inseparable from his flesh, blood, and soul.
The next day, Xu Shen, helped pack Shu Ran’s luggage one by one. He even prepared two of his own large cars that had everything his wife might need.
That was precisely why Shu Ran felt that he was bringing the whole family with him.
The two said goodbye, with Xu Shen still acting like Mrs. Xianglin, carefully telling Shu Ran: “Eat well and sleep well outside, and call it a day when the time comes. Don’t let me see you’ve lost weight when you come back.”
He then paused and continued: “Otherwise, you won’t be able to go anywhere in the future.”
“What about getting tanned?” Shu Ran could guarantee that he might be able to preserve his current weight, but there was nothing he could do about getting tanned.
“A little dark is okay, but too much is not good.” Xu Shen really dared to say.
“I’ll try my best…” In fact, Shu Ran was quite stressed. In order to be able to freely go out for fun in the future, he promised Xu Shen that he would apply sunscreen and wear sun protection gear every day.
And so, Shu Ran got in the car and the two waved goodbye.
At first, he didn’t feel much. Maybe it was because he got up too early that day, and Shu Ran wasn’t very energetic yet, so he got sleepy as soon as he sat down in the car.
The real feeling that Xu Shen was no longer with him came after he woke up, surrounded by unfamiliar scenery along the way. When Shu Ran subconsciously turned to look at the seat next to him and saw nothing, his heart suddenly tightened. The feeling of longing was truly lingering and overwhelming.
He immediately took out his cell phone and looked at it. At 10:30 in the morning, Xu Shen should be working in the company so he sent him a message: “Brother Shen, are you busy?”
The other person replied quickly: “Are you awake? I’m not busy. I just finished a meeting.”
“Well…” Shu Ran glanced at the rolling green mountains outside the window, and replied with a smile: “There is fog on the mountains, and the scenery is so beautiful.”
“It’s time for the Qingming Festival2The Qingming Festival or Ching Ming Festival, also known as Tomb-Sweeping Day in English (sometimes also called Chinese Memorial Day, Ancestors’ Day, the Clear Brightness Festival, or the Pure Brightness Festival), is a traditional Chinese festival observed by ethnic Chinese in mainland China, Hong Kong, Macau, Taiwan, Malaysia, Singapore, Cambodia, Indonesia, Philippines, Thailand, and Vietnam. A celebration of spring, it falls on the first day of the fifth solar term (also called Qingming) of the traditional Chinese lunisolar calendar. This makes it the 15th day after the Spring Equinox, either 4, 5, or 6 April in a given year. During Qingming, Chinese families visit the tombs of their ancestors to clean the gravesites and make ritual offerings to their ancestors. Offerings would typically include traditional food dishes and the burning of joss sticks and joss paper. The holiday recognizes the traditional reverence of one’s ancestors in Chinese culture” Xu Shen said. “If you hadn’t gone out, I would have taken you on a trip.”
“You can go by yourself and relax on the weekend.” Shu Ran suggested.
“Can I call you?” Xu Shen asked.
“No, I’m afraid I’ll ask the driver to turn around and go back if I hear your voice.”
Xu Shen smiled upon receiving Shu Ran’s message. It turned out that Shu Ran thought of him the same way.
“Just keep busy. I’ll call you when I get there.” Shu Ran sent the message and put away the phone.
A few brief exchanges seemed to alleviate some of the longing.
…………
The car carrying Shu Ran was on the road for a whole day. When it got dark, they finally arrived at the first rendezvous point. Shu Ran and his people came in advance to deal with the accommodation and food for everyone, thinking they could start work as soon as everyone else arrived. Since Shu Ran was both a director and also needed to appear on film, it was the assistant director who was charged with holding the camera. However, it was still Shu Ran who took the lead on how the film was shot and what content they needed to record.
The first school to be recorded was located in the mountains, in an area that was difficult to get in by car, so they had to settle in a village outside. The conditions were very difficult, even worse than the village where Zhou Guodong used to live.
Even the current development of the times seems to have forgotten them…
The principal of the primary school knew that Shu Ran was coming, so he climbed over the mountains and ridges overnight to lead the way. He also couldn’t wait to meet their honorary principal and benefactor, Comrade Shu.
When he arrived, Shu Ran was on top of a little hill in the village, talking on the phone with Xu Shen, because there was no signal anywhere else. After Xu Shen found out about that, he began to feel even more sorry for his wife over the phone. It was truly remote.
“The principal of the elementary school is here. We shouldn’t talk anymore.” Shu Ran hung up the phone in a hurry and ran down to meet the man. After the two parties shook hands cordially, they agreed that they would start transporting some supplies the next day.
In the morning, other people from their team arrived at the location one after another. Many of them met Shu Ran for the first time, having been pen-pals before and never truly seeing each other.
Upon finally meeting the real person and thinking about working together in the future, everyone became quite excited. However, after a brief chat, they all turned serious and worried about the mountain.
Among them, there were many children from rich families and good backgrounds. For them, it was the first time to see such a poor place. And also, facing those people with dark skin and patches all over their bodies, everyone couldn’t help but feel heavy…
In fact, Shu Ran felt the same way. Sometimes he even doubted that knowledge could change fates. However, if he did nothing, he could only accept the fact that all those people had no hope anymore.
Those who came from all over the country also brought a lot of things with them, carrying them into the mountains using pure manpower. Needless to say, every young person had to carry dozens of kilograms of weight on their bodies… Those who have never done it before were really not used to it.
Even President Wu, who was the oldest, was carrying a bag, not to be outdone.
“President Wu, can you do this?” Shu Ran looked at him very worriedly and advised: “How about you take less?”
“It’s okay!” President Wu smiled and patted his bag. “My bag is full of clothes, so it’s not heavy.”
He even held a hiking pole in his hand.
“The main reason is that you’re old and it’s such a long and strenuous road…” Shu Ran raised his head and glanced at the endless mountains.
Even he, a young man, felt his legs go a little weak!
“I’m in good health.” President Wu looked Shu Ran up and down: “It’s unknown who’ll complain first!”
Shu Ran’s figure remained the same over the years, tall and thin, with a bookish air. However, it did give people the impression that… He was not very physically strong.
Lu Di, who was also carrying his luggage on his back, said: “Brother Shu, I see that Mr. Wu’s legs and feet are very nimble, but you… Sitting in the house all day long without seeing the sun! You should worry about yourself first!”
“Both of us are writers…” Shu Ran looked back at Lu Di: “Don’t you also not see the sun all day long?!”
“Haha, that’s not true!” Lu Di said. “I still love horseback riding. As long as the weather is nice, I’ll go out with my horse!” He then asked: “You don’t even like sports, right?”
Shu Ran was speechless and couldn’t explain. The only amount of exercise he got also came from riding… His husband.
…Stop it! Shu Ran quickly shook his head to get rid of those improper thoughts in his mind.
“Okay, if everyone is tired from walking, let’s take a break!” Shu Ran’s voice spread throughout the team.
The assistant director carried the camera and started recording from there. Hearing someone in the team lament that the roads were rugged and dangerous, Shu Ran, who had experience in watching many documentaries, said: “Where are we now? A road that can be walked on two legs is considered a good road! At least you don’t have to crawl in the mud and there’s also no need to hoist from a steel cable over a cliff.”
The other people on the team were dumbfounded and wondered: “Is there even such a place?!”
“Of course!” President Wu took over. “What Leader Shu said is true. The school we’re visiting today has already been settled. The children don’t have to travel across mountains and rivers to get to it.”
Some places were difficult to get around and materials could not be transported in, so the school could only be built outside. Everyone was silent after hearing that… If one hadn’t seen some things with their own eyes, they really wouldn’t believe it.
That group of aspiring young people who had never been to the countryside walked for two or three hours until the soles of their feet were worn out. When they finally entered the village in the mountains and saw the food, clothing, and living environment of the poor children, no one had a relaxed smile on their faces.
Shu Ran once again understood their feelings very well. As a person who grew up in the city, how could they have even seen those things before? The Internet was not developed yet, and newspapers didn’t pay much attention to it either…
And furthermore, hearing about it from a distance was never as shocking as seeing it with your own eyes.
It was not an easy job. The team, after two days of filming in a remote place in the mountains, traveled back to the village outside to rest. After only a couple of days of hard work, everyone was too tired to even talk. When dinner was served, they just ate in silence, making the atmosphere feel very gloomy.
Half of them were in a low mood, and the other half were tired. They all walked back and forth on mountain roads, being busy for two days, feeling that their shoulders and soles of their feet were still burning. For those raised in the city, that was a kind of pain they never experienced before.
How to put it? Suffering some hardships didn’t really matter. Since they dared to come, nobody was afraid of hardships. However, were those hardships truly meaningful?
Everyone felt that their sudden visit was meaningless and unhelpful.
A girl asked with red eyes: “Leader Shu, can we really change anything by doing this?”
It wasn’t that she had a negative attitude, she just felt a little powerless and wanted to complain. Her power was really small and fragile when thrown into society.
Shu Ran felt her mood very well. Maybe everyone thought the same. After all, the things they did were just a drop in the bucket and couldn’t change anything at all.
So, was there any point in persisting?
After thinking about it, Shu Ran temporarily put down his bowl and chopsticks, stood up, and said a few words: “Comrades, I dare not say that our documentary can really change anything, but if we do nothing, it will be even more impossible to change it.”
Everyone put down their bowls and chopsticks in unison and looked at him.
After a moment of silence, Shu Ran continued: “There’s a saying: Just do good deeds and don’t worry about the future. I believe that everyone who can respond to my call and come out here is coming with the heart of doing things for the people. While we can still do it and are young… While we still have strength and passion, we might as well put aside our worries and just do it!”
“You kid…” President Wu continued. “Are you saying that we lost our strength and blood as we got older?!”
“No, no, I didn’t mean that…” Shu Ran quickly explained with a wry smile.
President Wu smiled and looked around at everyone: “Boys and girls! You’ll know when you’re older. Not everything you do will be rewarded, nor will you get a reward for your sweat. You have to accept it calmly since it’s a fact! Just stick to your passion over and over again. It’s useless to think too much. It’s enough to just do it!”
Those words were sonorous and powerful.
“Yes, practice is the only criterion for testing truth!” Lu Di also stood up straight and said. Since he was the second eldest in the team, he also needed to cheer up the others.
“Smooth sailing cannot temper a person…” One of the young men also said a famous saying that came from their Prime Minister. Immediately afterward, the others began to recite famous quotes from great men, and the atmosphere in the room gradually became passionate.
“I believe that what we do is meaningful!” Someone concluded.
Having said that, the brief confusion surrounding everyone’s hearts disappeared. Even though their bodies were still very tired, everyone was full of energy.
Finally, Shu Ran said: “The subsequent filming work will definitely be tiring and difficult, but no matter what, please stick to your original intention as always! Let’s encourage each other, and don’t give up!”
“Okay!” The audience burst into warm applause.
When they picked up their rice bowls again, the food was already cold, but no one cared about it. After complaining, everyone ate deliciously. In terms of hard work, was it as hard as surviving the Long March?3The Long March (Chinese: 长征; pinyin: Chángzhēng; lit.’ Long Expedition’) was a military retreat by the Chinese Red Army from advancing Nationalist forces during the Chinese Civil War in 1934 through to 1936. Several Red Army forces took various routes from Chinese Communist Party (CCP) strongholds being encircled by the Kuomintang (KMT) National Revolutionary Army. Their concurrent retreats took more than a year, traversing thousands of kilometers through western and central China to convene at the new Communist base of operations in Yan’an, in the northwestern province of Shaanxi
No. It was simply just doing something good for the people. If they couldn’t even endure that hardship, what were they even doing? It was better to go back to the city in despair as soon as possible. From then on, one should never flaunt themselves as an aspiring young man, nor should they write sour articles in an attempt to impress others.
What was there to appreciate?!
Due to the limited conditions, not only did everyone have to share shabby food, but the accommodation was also shabby. Shu Ran couldn’t take a shower last night and slept in the car.
After another day of hard sweating, it was finally time to wash it off. The kind-hearted villagers boiled water for them and even emptied the communal bathroom for everyone to take a bath.
Shu Ran finished washing and climbed back to his hillside to make a phone call, telling Xu Shen about what happened that night. As he spoke, he smiled with emotion: “Actually, I am not that determined. It’s everyone who gave me the courage.”
“Someone has to take the lead, don’t panic.” Xu Shen said. “Even if no one in the world supports you, there’s still me.”
“Come on, I haven’t gotten that far down yet!” Shu Ran smiled.
“Everyone is pointing at you so you’re under pressure.” Xu Shen ignored him and continued to express himself: “When you’re confused, just think of me and our heap of money! That’s your confidence, so just do whatever you want and don’t worry at all.”
“So touching.” Shu Ran said.
He didn’t say it, but he knew it. Xu Shen had always been his trump card. Only with him around could he dare to act unconstrained and recklessly.
It could even be said that half of the glow that everyone saw on Shu Ran was due to Xu Shen.
“Give me a kiss if you’re moved.” Xu Shen requested from the other end of the phone.
Shu Ran was so amused that he kissed the phone, then immediately turned back to see if the nearby bodyguards heard him. They definitely couldn’t hear it from such a distance, but he just felt guilty. It was just too… Disgusting!
“There are many mosquitoes on the mountain, go inside quickly.” Xu Shen wanted to talk to Shu Ran very much, but for the sake of his wife, he was the one who urged the end of the call every time.
“Okay…” Shu Ran said after a pause. “Then I’ll go.”
“Okay, be careful when going down the hillside.” Xu Shen warned him, probably for the millionth time.
“I know, I love you, Comrade Xu Shen.” Shu Ran lowered his voice while saying the last words.
“Comrade Xu Shen loves you too.” Xu Shen said sweetly from his heart.
…………
Everyone’s bad mood at dinner was just because of exhaustion. As soon as they woke up the next day and saw the delicious breakfast prepared by the hired cook, they all started eating happily, feeling full of energy and desire to work hard.
Eventually, they got used to it. Used to both the pain and tiredness, but the only thing they couldn’t adapt to was probably their missing loved ones.
Shu Ran and Xu Shen missed each other very much. It was good to be in a place where they could still talk on the phone since listening to the sound could relieve some of their lovesickness. However, Shu Ran later went to some places where there was no signal, and even making phone calls became a luxury.
After three consecutive days of no contact, Xu Shen swore back home that he would be stupid if he allowed Shu Ran to go out by himself in the future.
The filming work was indeed hard, and it was getting harder and harder, but everyone was very proud that no one quit during the process. Including those who were accidentally injured or sick along the way.
Everyone courageously insisted on not leaving.
It was thanks to the sufficient supplies and manpower brought by Shu Ran… And also thanks to Xu Shen who kept on sending people to deliver things from time to time, which greatly reinforced the entire shooting team.
Compared to the difficulty other contemporary filming crews had to deal with, their team was already considered a very luxurious one, with at least sufficient supplies and manpower.
Who told them to have a strong logistics team who would give them whatever they asked for without any question? Besides, if they didn’t take advantage of everyone’s goodwill, they might lose their reputation…
After all, not surprisingly at all, a lot of eyes were on them.
As soon as they set off, it was reported in the newspapers with such a high profile, that many people from the outside world speculated that the documentary only looked good on paper, with no chance of actually getting made.
Even if it was successfully filmed, the content was still very impetuous!
Although Shu Ran himself was born in a rural area, after all, he had been pampered for so many years, having the aura of a weak scholar. And he also led a group of young soldiers who couldn’t carry their shoulders or their hands. It was downright strange if such a crew could succeed…
However, no one expected their documentary to actually have its wrap.
In late July, after visiting the last school, the entire filming team returned to the city. Shu Ran, who had been busy for several months, continued to devote himself to editing the film, long after returning to the city.
And so, in November of the same year, the documentary they shot was released in various selected places. Soon after, it was recognized by the local government, getting broadcast in other villages and towns.
And so Shu Ran, already a celebrity, became famous again.
And all the sincere faces of the team members who followed him were repeatedly seen by people across the country. The fiery heart beneath the face was even more visible.
But for them, those who worked hard together to complete the matter, the outside world’s comments no longer mattered. In their own hearts, having a clear conscience was the most important thing.
…………
After becoming a celebrity again, Shu Ran kept receiving calls from schools all over the country, inviting him to give speeches and encourage students.
However, Shu Ran… Rejected them all.
“Why won’t you go?” Xu Shen was quite puzzled. “It’s fine if you don’t want to go to a school in other places, but you won’t go to a nearby one either?”
After speaking, without waiting for Shu Ran to answer, he hugged him and smiled: “Were you out for too long before, and now you don’t want to leave me for a moment? Huh?”
“Yes.” Shu Ran kissed him.
“Don’t mind me…” Xu Shen knew the real reason, so he guessed: “Is it because you don’t want to mislead others?”
“…”
Upon hearing that, Shu Ran looked at his man in surprise and borrowed Jiang Fan’s sentence: “Do you and I share the same brain?!”
Xu Shen seemed to think about it seriously: “Maybe it’s because I’ve been eating you for so long that we developed a tacit understanding.”
“Sure enough, you’re still allergic to romance!” However, those kinds of words, coming from Xu Shen, could actually be regarded as sweet and romantic…
Needless to say, Shu Ran himself wouldn’t be able to say those words, so he was convinced!
Xu Shen smiled.
“But you’re right.” Shu Ran was silent for a moment, raised his arms to hold his husband, and sighed: “How dare I give a speech in a school now? How dare I become a role model for others… What kind of role model can I even become? I’m just doing whatever I want to do…”
“Yeah.” Xu Shen also hugged him tightly, with distressed eyes: “There’s no need to feel pressure, it’s alright.”
“I’m just patiently waiting for that day.” Shu Ran held Xu Shen’s face and kissed him, looking into Xu Shen’s eyes: “I know you’re waiting as well.”
Everyone expected Shu Ran to continue to be a good role model without any flaws, but there was one person who was waiting for the arrival of 19974Adult, consensual and non-commercial homosexuality became legal in China in 1997, when the national penal code was revised, followed by the removal of Homosexuality from the Chinese Society of Psychiatry’s list of mental illnesses in 2001 with a burning heart. On that day, he could finally use his real name openly and write a reply to Shu Ran.
Dedicate a steamy love letter to him.
The author has something to say:
Brother Shen: Arrange for me to come out of the closet quickly 🙂 !!!
