Ji Xu frowned deeply as he looked at Cheng Yue, whose face had turned pale. Cheng Yue let out a low sigh.
Neither of them spoke first. Tang Jing, noticing the awkward atmosphere, quickly stepped in to lighten the mood, “What’s wrong? I’ve already booked a table at the restaurant. After this, let’s go eat! Don’t you like those spicy crayfish? The ones at that restaurant are especially fresh!”
Seeing Cheng Yue’s nose starting to sweat, Ji Xu couldn’t bear it and reached out to wipe his nose, taking his hand and saying, “How about we go home?”
Cheng Yue wiped the sweat from his palms on his pants and nodded slightly.
“Then I’ll leave it to you here.” Ji Xu continued wiping Cheng Yue’s sweat, glancing at Tang Jing. “We’ll discuss the follow-up work tomorrow.”
“Alright…” Tang Jing also noticed Cheng Yue’s unusual silence and quickly agreed. “Chang Sheng is waiting outside. I’ll have him drive you two home.”
Ji Xu nodded, holding Cheng Yue’s hand as they went outside, where they saw Duan Changsheng’s car waiting.
After Cheng Yue and Ji Xu got into the car, Duan Changsheng drove a short distance, glancing at Cheng Yue’s pale face in the rearview mirror. “What’s the matter? Aren’t you happy after winning?”
Cheng Yue didn’t respond, keeping his head down and silent.
Ji Xu ruffled Cheng Yue’s hair and said with a smile, “Hungry, not in a good mood.”
“Hungry?” Duan Changsheng was taken aback. “Tang Jing…”
Before Duan Changsheng could finish, Cheng Yue hugged Ji Xu, not wanting them to see him.
Ji Xu quickly reached out to steady him, worried he might bump his head if the car turned.
“Hey, you’re being unreasonable!” Duan Changsheng pretended to glare at the rearview mirror.
Cheng Yue didn’t care what he said. After blocking them out, he comfortably rested his chin on Ji Xu’s shoulder.
When they arrived outside the apartment, Cheng Yue and Ji Xu got out of the car.
“Thank you.” Ji Xu closed the car door for Duan Changsheng.
As they stood there watching Duan Changsheng drive away, Ji Xu took Cheng Yue inside the apartment.
Once home, Ji Xu had Cheng Yue, who was sweating, take a shower.
After Cheng Yue finished his shower and came out, Ji Xu brought him a bowl of freshly cooked noodles.
Cheng Yue stood still while Ji Xu set the bowl on the coffee table. He felt something was off because Ji Xu never ate anywhere other than the dining table and didn’t allow him to carry food around.
Today, Ji Xu put the bowl of noodles on the coffee table, and Cheng Yue nervously rubbed his head.
Something unusual was happening—was Ji Xu testing him?
After thinking for a while, Cheng Yue decided that was the case and quickly moved the bowl to the dining table.
Ji Xu: “…”
“You see that TV show, it’s about to air, right?” Ji Xu came over, wiping Cheng Yue’s head with the towel draped over his shoulder.
Cheng Yue smiled and started eating the noodles.
Ji Xu didn’t bring up the issue of seeing a doctor again. Cheng Yue wondered if Ji Xu would talk to him about it before going to bed, but he didn’t.
Until Cheng Yue fell asleep, Ji Xu never mentioned the topic again.
Cheng Yue had a dream but couldn’t remember it after waking up scared.
Breathing heavily, he blinked in the darkness and instinctively reached out to the other side of the bed.
But he found nothing—Ji Xu, who should have been beside him, was missing.
Cheng Yue’s heart skipped a beat. He searched around, confirmed Ji Xu wasn’t there, and immediately got out of bed.
The room was unlit and very dark. In his panic, Cheng Yue knelt on the floor when he got out of bed.
Fortunately, there was a soft woolen blanket on the floor. Cheng Yue got up and walked towards the living room.
When Cheng Yue reached the living room, he saw Ji Xu standing on the balcony. Cheng Yue’s steps slowed down.
Ji Xu was standing on the balcony with a cigarette in hand. The balcony and the living room were both pitch black, making the glowing cigarette in Ji Xu’s hand appear even more conspicuous.
Cheng Yue glanced at the clock on the wall—it was just past three o’clock.
Ji Xu had been standing there for an unknown amount of time. Cheng Yue stood behind him, not moving.
Finally, after wiping his eyes, Cheng Yue slowly approached and hugged him from behind.
“…Cheng Yue?” Ji Xu was surprised by the warmth pressing against him.
Cheng Yue buried his face in Ji Xu’s back and gently rubbed against him, as if he had made some decision.
“Why are you awake?” Ji Xu put out his cigarette and slowly turned to embrace him. “Did you get up to use the bathroom or are you thirsty?”
Cheng Yue’s nose tingled as he held onto Ji Xu without moving. Ji Xu was standing outside in the middle of the night, smoking, and his throat was hoarse. It seemed so pitiful.
“What’s wrong?” Ji Xu patted his head.
Cheng Yue sniffed, pulled Ji Xu from the balcony back into the living room, grabbed the phone from the sofa, typed a quick message, and handed it over.
Ji Xu took the phone and, after reading the message, appeared stunned.
[Let’s go see a psychologist. Don’t worry.]
Seeing Ji Xu’s silence, Cheng Yue cautiously leaned closer to him but was suddenly picked up around the waist.
He was startled and instinctively tightened his grip around Ji Xu’s neck.
“Don’t be so obedient…” Ji Xu’s voice was still a bit hoarse.
“You don’t have to be so compliant.”
Cheng Yue’s eyes lit up. He pulled out his phone, typed a few words, and enlarged the text to show Ji Xu.
[Can I go clubbing?]
“Go to bed.” Ji Xu’s face darkened as he carried Cheng Yue back to the bedroom.
The next morning, Ji Xu dragged Cheng Yue out of bed, and while his eyes were still closed, Ji Xu wiped his face with a hot towel.
When Cheng Yue struggled to open his eyes, Ji Xu immediately handed him a toothbrush and made him hold it.
Cheng Yue was speechless, sighing as he got out of bed and went to the bathroom.
After washing up and having breakfast, Ji Xu took him straight to Song Yi’s office.
As they waited downstairs from Song Yi’s counseling office, Cheng Yue clearly began to feel nervous.
“It’s okay.” Ji Xu squeezed Cheng Yue’s hand and, after confirming several times that Cheng Yue was indeed willing to see a doctor, he took him upstairs.
Cheng Yue held Ji Xu’s hand tightly as they went up and down the elevator, remaining tense the entire time.
“Have you arrived?” A female voice made Cheng Yue look up in surprise.
The speaker was Song Yi—the woman who had shared a meal with him the other day.
“Hello, Cheng Yue.” Song Yi smiled and patted Cheng Yue on the head.
Cheng Yue looked at Song Yi with a slightly stiff expression, wiping the sweat from his palms, his heart pounding.
Why was Song Yi the psychologist Ji Xu brought him to?
Did that mean… Ji Xu didn’t just bring him to see a psychologist because he couldn’t speak?
Ji Xu might have noticed his… abnormal behavior a long time ago.
“What’s wrong?” Ji Xu asked softly, looking down at Cheng Yue.
Cheng Yue dared not look into Ji Xu’s eyes and shook his head.
“Come in.” Song Yi led Cheng Yue into her office. When Ji Xu followed, Song Yi smiled and stopped him at the door. “This is my private time with him. Family members please wait outside.”
Ji Xu frowned, looking worriedly at Cheng Yue, who had suddenly become out of sorts. Still, he stopped and watched as the door slowly closed.
“Please sit.” Song Yi set two cups of hot tea on a low round table and then sat cross-legged on a small, plump sofa.
Cheng Yue followed her in and was about to look back at Ji Xu when he was distracted by the office.
Song Yi’s office didn’t quite feel like an office; it was more like…
Cheng Yue couldn’t quite describe it.
Looking at the blanket on the floor, the soft, plush sofas around him, and the steaming tea in front of him, Cheng Yue suddenly felt less nervous.
He slowly sat down on the plump sofa, sinking into its softness.
“Do you like this kind of softness?” Song Yi smiled and tossed a white fluffy ball towards him. “Does it feel like you’re being enveloped?”
Cheng Yue sat on the soft beanbag, holding the white fluffy ball in his arms, remaining silent and not looking at Song Yi.
Song Yi didn’t speak either, drinking her tea slowly.
The silence between them, or Cheng Yue’s unilateral resistance, was gradually broken as Song Yi sipped her tea and made smacking sounds.
Cheng Yue glanced at Song Yi, who was closing her eyes and savoring her tea, then looked at the closed door.
He reached out and touched the warm porcelain cup on the small round table.
“Have some tea. I bought it recently. It might be a bit bitter at first, but it gets sweet later.” Song Yi smiled at him.
Cheng Yue slowly nodded, took the cup, sipped, and immediately his expression changed. He squinted his eyes and made a face.
The tea wasn’t just a little bitter…
Song Yi couldn’t help but laugh, and her laughter was quite loud.
Cheng Yue stared at her, and her laughter made him feel somewhat affected.
After laughing for a while, Cheng Yue suddenly stopped.
He felt that this woman didn’t seem much like a psychologist. How could she laugh at a patient like this?
Cheng Yue pulled out his phone, typed a message, and handed it to her.
[Am I sick?]
Song Yi read the message, paused for a moment, and then nodded.
Cheng Yue calmly accepted this, then typed another message and handed it over.
[Did Ji Xu know from the beginning?]
“Yes,” Song Yi replied. “He’s very worried about you.”
Cheng Yue’s expression darkened upon hearing this. He wondered when Ji Xu had noticed his abnormality, when he realized that he was sick.
He had pretended to eat a meal with Song Yi while hiding it from Cheng Yue, and Cheng Yue hadn’t noticed at all.
“Your throat is very healthy; there’s nothing wrong with it.” Song Yi gently tapped his neck with her finger. “It’s that you don’t want to speak. You are avoiding facing your inner self.”
Cheng Yue touched his throat, frowned, and opened his mouth.
No sound came out.
He didn’t not want to speak; he wanted to speak now.
“It’s not like that.” Song Yi’s hand moved to his chest, lightly tapping it. “It’s here. Your heart has closed its eyes; it doesn’t want to face things.”
Cheng Yue didn’t understand what she meant, but now she did seem like a psychologist.
“You don’t want to face your parents leaving you, you don’t want to deal with your life being in disarray. This long-term suppressed emotion makes you prone to anxiety, and gradually, your anxiety has focused on Ji Xu. Ji Xu talking to others, Ji Xu not coming home, Ji Xu being sick and not waking up—these have made you very fearful because you realize you can’t control it. You can’t control whether Ji Xu will leave you; you can’t control Ji Xu as a person. So you’ve chosen to avoid it. Your reluctance to speak is because you want Ji Xu to feel guilty. You want Ji Xu’s life to be only…”
Before she could finish, Cheng Yue suddenly overturned the tea cup with a cold face, gasping for breath as he stood up abruptly from the sofa.
Author’s Note:
Cheng Yue’s desire for control over Ji Xu is so strong that he cannot handle it when Ji Xu seems out of control. This is a condition that needs treatment. Hopefully… he will be able to speak soon…
