Chapter 65- Heartache lingers unhealed
“How come?”
He Ruge awkwardly withdrew his hand and sat on the big belly, starting to shift the topic.
“What was that stone you gave me yesterday?”
“It’s an energy crystal, the extra meal I mentioned before. Your body is too weak; it needs some extra energy.”
Xi Guican hooked He Ruge’s trouser leg with a claw and noticed the clearly doubled demonic pattern on He Ruge’s ankle. He nodded in satisfaction, “I give you an extra meal every day, feed you for half a month, and you’ll definitely awaken perfectly.”
Awaken?
How did Xi Guican know he was in the awakening period?
Could this game really be an inheritance that is encountered but cannot be sought?
After clearing the game, could he reach the pinnacle of demonic life and roam the world?
He Ruge looked completely bewildered.
There’s truth to the idea that red makes one look fairer. The skin, like milk, appeared even more enticing. Xi Guican dared not look too much, afraid he couldn’t resist licking He Ruge’s ankle.
There was a scent on He Ruge that attracted him, emanating from deep within, a strange fragrance permeated by flesh and blood. Just a whiff made it clear that it would be delicious.
He Ruge was unaware that his feet had become an object of desire.
In fact, the saying that the heavens are fair and just was true. Just as he once longed for the little white tiger’s paws, belly, and buttocks, Xi Guican was now eyeing his hands, feet, waist, and that soft bottom.
The loose clothes covered his slender waist, but the perky buttocks lifted the fabric. The big white tiger lay on the ground, its large head pressed against its crossed paws, seemingly obediently watching He Ruge enter the monitoring room. However, its gaze was firmly fixed on the wriggling buttocks.
Every twist of the buttocks made the tiger tail lazily sway.
Although He Ruge despised his own buttocks, the tiger never despised them. The fleshy pad opened and closed in the air. When the door was completely closed, the big white tiger regretfully lowered its paws, transforming back into human form, and went to the armory to choose a new weapon, much like selecting his cutlery.
This game was magical.
The bugs killed in the game could really replenish his energy in reality. After harvesting the leeks all day, Xi Guican returned to his resting place. He saw an unexpected guest in the room.
The medicine-seeking mouse sat on the mechanical arm, holding two cups of steaming milk tea in its hands, friendly saying, ‘Hello, No. 20, would you like a cup of sweet milk tea?’
Leaning against the wall, Xi Guican looked down at the medicine-seeking mouse, who was not much bigger than his palm. He had a hundred ways to grab the mouse’s tail and throw it out the door.
But in the end, he didn’t do it.
The scent of milk tea filled the air. Xi Guican crouched on the ground, taking the mini cup which was at the size of his fingertip. The medicine-seeking mouse served large cups of tea to guests in the medical room, but carrying large cups while traveling was inconvenient, so only small cups were provided.
However, Xi Guican just held the cup, without even a gesture of pretending to take a sip. He knew why Mao Zhengyong had come to him late at night this time, because he had experienced all this before.
Even so, the situation then and now was vastly different. At that time, he had just come out of the brainwashing room, where the monster inside him controlled his body, leading him to exhibit some abnormal behavior.
However, these actions were all considered as post-brainwashing stress reactions, and he was sent back to the medical room for treatment.
Mao Zhengyong mistakenly thought he had a dual personality and discovered some abilities in him that were different from ordinary people. Mao Zhengyong, with high proficiency in the field of mental cognition, awakened him from his slumber, striving to achieve harmony between the two entities within his body.
Perhaps a regular person receiving such help would be extremely grateful to Mao Zhengyong. But perhaps, Xi Guican stayed inherently cold and ruthless, as he knew Mao Zhengyong had ulterior motives from beginning to end, showing no gratitude towards the mouse.
Before encountering He Ruge, he didn’t believe in unprovoked kindness in the world. Every person being kind to him had an agenda. People with utility had the qualifications to receive assistance. Whether it was the medicine-seeking mouse or the Federation behind it, they both demonstrated this point through practical actions.
If he didn’t have value, he would silently die in this vast cage, just like countless experimental subjects abandoned by the Star Sea Orphanage. His body would be treated as food for the bugs, never finding peace from birth to death.
So why should he be grateful?
Grateful to the medicine-seeking mouse, who observed indifferently and eventually pulled him out? Grateful to the Federation that allowed the experiments to continue, only tightening the net when breakthrough progress was made?
Why?
Why not destroy everything, whether it’s good or bad, black or white, including the gray in between?
Destroy everything and gain eternal peace in the aftermath of the explosion.
Xi Guican’s heart suddenly began to tighten. He thought he had forgiven all of this or let go of the past.
However, it wasn’t like that. Once things happened, they happened. Even if a nail was pulled out of a wooden post, the remaining marks were still indelible. Just like his rotting heart, filled with worm-eaten holes. When the wind blew across the wilderness, it would still emit a mournful sound.
He couldn’t forget this deep-seated hatred, the humiliation that had permeated half his life.
It was so uncomfortable.
The hatred was filled with thorns, and he needed to get rid of these piercing things so as not to be stabbed and hurt when accidentally touched.
But he refused to throw them away.
He forgave his past self, full of thorns, but couldn’t forgive the hatred that was filled with long spikes.
Why should he forgive?
He wanted to impose the cruelest punishment on those who had committed crimes, making them live in endless fear.
Thinking about this, Xi Guican began to regret that he had only blown up the experiments initially, giving those people an easy death.
The darkness in his heart grew larger, and he suddenly exerted force, crushing the cup.
The medicine-seeking mouse was startled, looking at the broken pieces in Xi Guican’s palm, and said, “Do you need me to bandage your wound?”
The subtle pain made Xi Guican calm down. His blue eyes seemed to have formed a layer of ice, an unmeltable iceberg. He coldly looked down at the medicine-seeking mouse and sneered, “No need.”
Here it came again, this nauseating feeling.
Why is it so nauseating?
Everything here disgusts him. He wants to go see He Ruge, even if it’s just a glance.
But he can’t go. His hideous appearance would disturb the dreams of a kind person.
Just a few days ago, he thought his illness was cured. Like a normal person, he could openly pursue the person he liked. Even if they embraced each other, he wouldn’t have to worry about the thorns on his body hurting the other person.
It turns out it was all an illusion.
He was just thinking wishfully. People like him, when they hug each other and press their ears against their left chest, can hear the sound of an underground river, a huge and lonely underground river rushing through the endless dark night.
The medicine-seeking mouse, indifferent to Xi Guican’s attitude, continued cheerfully, “Speaking of which, I watched you grow up. At that time, you were so small that you could curl up in the arms of the mermaid…”
When He Ruge was mentioned, the on-the-verge-of-exploding Xi Guican strangely calmed down. He listened silently as the medicine-seeking mouse reminisced about the past, lowering his eyes to pick up the fragments from his palm.
“At that time, Ruanruan was much cuter than you. It seems like you two have never gotten along since you were little,” the medicine-seeking mouse laughed.
Just like when he sat in Ruanruan’s arms, heard Ruanruan call him “Grandpa,” and was coaxed into a joyful and smiling state.
Xi Guican suddenly remembered that this medicine-seeking mouse had helped them before.
He played a game of “hide and seek” with No. 19, gave No. 19 a bag of milk tea powder, and lied that it was medicine. At the end of No. 19’s life, a gesture of goodwill was also sent.
There was no benefit involved because the little rabbit No. 19 had no valuue whatsoever.
The current image of the medicine-seeking mouse suddenly differed from the one in his memory. Perhaps this deviation had occurred long ago, but Xi Guican was unwilling to admit it.
He had detested Mao Zhengyong, who was cold-blooded, ruthless, and solely driven by self-interest, for so many years. However, this object of detestation was merely a shadow in the darkness of his numerous hatreds.
He couldn’t forgive these shadows, so he hoped that the darkness would obscure everything, allowing him to freely vent his negative emotions in the all-encompassing darkness.
“Do you like the mermaid?”
Xigui Can looked at the medicine-seeking mouse coldly. “It’s none of your business.”
The medicine-seeking mouse patiently said, “Of course, it’s related to me. The mermaid and I have cooperated.”
As if afraid Xi Guican couldn’t understand, the medicine-seeking mouse spoke in a childish manner, as if talking to a little baby.
“The people here are all too bad, so the mermaid and I are going to fight the big villains together. Would you like to protect him? What if he gets hurt by the bad guys?”
“You talk as if you’re a good person yourself.” Xigui Can scoffed.
The medicine-seeking mouse suddenly froze. Holding the milk tea, he seemed at a loss, not even realizing that his whiskers had fallen into the tea. After a while, the medicine-seeking mouse spoke softly, “Yeah, I talk as if I’m a good person. The people here are too bad, and I’m also a villain.”
He rubbed his fingers on the cup’s surface. “So, you need to protect him even more. What if he gets hurt by a villain like me?”
The medicine-seeking mouse stopped abruptly in the middle of his sentence. He stared at Xi Guican, as if pondering many things. After a long silence, the medicine-seeking mouse spoke in a low voice, “I’m sorry.”
Sorry.
An apology was something Xi Guican had never heard before. When he destroyed this place, all he could hear were cries for help and pleas for mercy. No one had ever apologized for the hardships he had endured.
But is it useful to say sorry?
Can a simple apology smooth everything over?
Xi Guican’s expression remained unchanged as he looked down at the medicine-seeking mouse. Ignoring the tense muscles in his face, the medicine-seeking mouse’s apology seemed to have no impact on him.
“Over these many years, I have indeed become the person I once hated the most. I’ve done a lot of wrong things, even in the last second, I did something wrong. I shouldn’t have used your weakness to negotiate with you.”
The medicine-seeking mouse clasped his hands together, lowered his graying head, and trembled as he said, “Ah, when a bad person gets old, they’re still a bad person. A bad person who is not worthy of forgiveness.”
“I cooperate with you. You can leave.”
After a long silence, Xi Guican finally uttered these words.
The medicine-seeking mouse sat on the mechanical arm, quietly left Xi Guican’s room, and his lonely figure merged into the darkness, carrying secrets he had not disclosed to the world, blending into the endless darkness.
Sleepyblue’s Corner:
My heart bleads for Guican 🥹😭
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Here’s the link to the previous chapter: FMLB Ch. 64- Fatherly Love Turned Sour
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Incurable Pain
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