At the moment he uttered these words, He Heng regretted it.
He felt so embarrassed that he wanted to find a hole to crawl into.
What the hell, a flower-stealing bandit?
What was he thinking just now?
Sure enough, in the next moment, the atmosphere in the room froze.
Wen Liangyu glanced at the narcissus scattered on the ground, then at the flower vase on the man’s head, raised an eyebrow, and said, “Oh, do current flower thieves steal vases now?”
“Lord He, you have the ability to pretend to be a flower-stealing bandit in the middle of the night, sneak into someone else’s sleeping quarters, but you don’t have the ability to explain yourself?”
He Heng thought to himself, this must be the little emperor’s provocation. He absolutely couldn’t fall into his trap.
Just as he racked his brains for a way to respond, “tick-tock, tick-tock,” the sound of burning wax echoed, symbolizing that time was ruthlessly passing.
He Heng had never felt Einstein’s theory of relativity so keenly before. The outside world had only passed a second, but he felt as if he had spent a century inside that flower vase.
He felt like he was trapped in another spatial dimension, as if he were in a dimension called “social death”.
Moreover, when He Heng’s head was stuck in the flower vase, Wen Liangyu’s voice didn’t sound very clear to him, rather muffled, as if someone had muted it.
However, he guessed that this was mainly because the vase had soundproofing effects, blocking out the sounds from the outside.
And just as he pondered the philosophy of life and explored the mysteries of the universe with his head stuck in the vase,
“Clang!” A sound, and the vase on his head was deftly taken off by someone.
Unbeknownst to him, Wen Liangyu had already walked behind him.
Feeling a bit disoriented without the pseudo-protection, He Heng touched the water droplets on his temple and, with a hint of resignation, had to resort to his ever-ready universal backup plan—
The 36 Stratagems1The “36 Stratagems” (三十六計, San Shi Liu Ji) is a Chinese collection of strategies or tactics, often used in warfare or competitive situations. Each strategy is a proverbial expression that encapsulates a specific approach to achieving a goal., running away is the best strategy.
In this brief moment, he had already conceived a perfect plan in his mind: take advantage of the opportunity to run away, discreetly slip the Tiger Elite Token, a symbol of military authority, into the little emperor’s embrace, and then depart unnoticed.
With a resolve that hesitated only to be defeated, He Heng immediately executed a nimble turn, departing at a speed even the imperial spies couldn’t match.
However, he inadvertently stepped on the bunch of narcissus he had thrown on the ground earlier.
Due to the water on the ground, which he had originally intended to use for his getaway, he slipped at that very moment. His entire body performed a sliding spectacle, “Clang!” falling to the ground right in front of the little emperor.
And he also tossed the military token from his embrace.
Once again, the atmosphere in the sleeping quarters froze.
Wen Liangyu coldly glanced at the military token on the ground, then looked at the man who had fallen in front of him, dressed in a black fitted gown. In an emotionless tone, he said, “He Heng, you dropped something.”
He Heng, who had already lost all face, had no more reservations at this point. With no way out, he chose to brazen it out.
So, he immediately picked up the military token and threw it into the distance. The little emperor’s attention was diverted by this action, his gaze following the token as it rolled on the ground.
However, when he lifted his eyes again, there was no trace of He Heng in the sleeping quarters. The other party had managed to slip away unnoticed at some point.
In the end, the little emperor picked up the Tiger Elite Token with a complex expression.
In a small wooden house on the outskirts north of the capital, the sound of knocking on the boards kept echoing, “thud! thud! thud!”
Li Sannian, the deputy general who led the Imperial Guards to rendezvous with the emperor, was currently bound tightly inside the small wooden house.
A few days ago, after arriving on the outskirts of the capital, Li Sannian had sent seven or eight pigeons to Wen Liangyu in the palace, but he had yet to receive a reply. In the end, he chose to personally lead a reconnaissance cavalry to find out what was going on. However, on the way, he encountered a man who was eight feet tall, seemingly handsome, and followed by a group of men and horses.
At that time, the person was riding a horse and eating a bun, getting choked on it.
Li Sannian thought, who is this goofy person who suddenly appeared? He immediately asked him to leave and not block the way.
However, the other person took a sip of water, swallowed the bun, and said:
“One, I’m not called Goofy, I’m called Xie Chong.”
“Two,”
“…”
Xie Chong couldn’t think of what to add for a moment. After a while, he still hadn’t come up with anything for “Two.” In the end, he chose to take out his big hammer and, following He Heng’s orders, directly gave this group of people a beating.
In the end, Li Sannian and his men were thoroughly beaten by Xie Chong, ending up in various acrobatic positions. They were then bound and thrown into the small wooden house.
As Xie Chong left, he didn’t forget to stuff a piece of tattered cloth into Li Sannian’s mouth. Now Li Sannian couldn’t make a sound, only able to bang his head against the wall with a rhythmic “clang! clang! clang!”
After banging for a long time, to the point where he began to suspect if he had a huge lump on the back of his head, he suddenly heard the neighing of spirited horses outside the wooden house.
Li Sannian’s mind immediately sounded the alarm, and he pressed his head against the wall to look. He saw those warhorses draped in iron-black heavy armor, with the character “虎” (tiger) engraved on the top of their helmets.
Seeing this, he furrowed his brows. Judging from the attire of the warhorses, the newcomers were obviously not his Imperial Guards but He Heng’s Tiger Elite Army.
Realizing this fact, Li Sannian stopped banging his head against the wall. He lowered his eyes, and his expression was murky and unclear.
It seemed that the moment had finally arrived.
From the moment Xie Chong and his men blocked their way, Li Sannian knew that their plan had probably been exposed. With the enemy knowing their plans in advance, he understood that there was no chance of turning the tables, especially considering He Heng’s ruthless nature. He was well aware that He Heng would spare no one.
With these thoughts, Li Sannian closed his eyes in a mix of bitterness and resentment. As the deputy general of the Imperial Guards, he had been on the battlefield for over a decade, treating life and death with indifference. However, the idea of ultimately meeting his end at the hands of a traitor and rebel left him unwilling.
The next moment,
“Clang!” The door of the wooden house was kicked open, and faint light shone through the knocked-down door frame.
Li Sannian kept his eyes closed, waiting for a scene of blood splattering three feet, as he had imagined. Yet, after waiting for a long time, that horrifying image didn’t materialize.
“Release Vice General Li.”
A cold and familiar male voice suddenly resounded.
At the words, Li Sannian, somewhat surprised, opened his eyes and saw Wen Liangyu standing in front of him, holding the Tiger Elite Token.
Now, Li Sannian was even more bewildered. With a piece of tattered cloth in his mouth, he stared blankly at the emperor standing at the door, forgetting even to make a sound.
Their plan seemed to have been inadvertently exposed, but since He Heng had known about it, why would he choose to spare them?
What puzzled him even more was why the Tiger Elite Token appeared in Wen Liangyu’s hands.
In the backyard of Prince Jing’s mansion,
Wen Liangyu finally found He Heng’s figure under the shade of a tree in one corner of the courtyard.
When he led the Imperial Guards into Prince Jing’s mansion, everyone inside trembled in fear and scattered in all directions. Some knelt before Wen Liangyu, shaking and pleading for the emperor’s mercy, begging for their lives.
The once orderly mansion instantly turned into chaos with over a hundred people, and among them, there was one exception:
Prince Jing himself, who should have been the most worried about losing his head.
When Wen Liangyu found him, he was lying on a hammock made by his servants a few days ago, sleeping soundly.
Two large locust trees had thick ropes tied around their trunks, each end of the rope secured with a knot. Various exotic green plants were arranged around the area.
Under the hammock, there were still those “beloved little pets of He Heng,” all of them now confined in different cages. They were bouncing around, making chirping sounds from time to time.
On He Heng’s face lay a book, and he lay comfortably sideways on the hammock. Due to the cold weather in winter, he thoughtfully brought a thin blanket to cover himself. However, because of his poor sleeping posture, the entire blanket had been overturned and lay on the ground, leaving him quite exposed.
Seeing this scene, Li Sannian couldn’t even recognize him for a moment. Was this the same Regent he knew?
Was this person, who used to insist on having a guard detail every time he went out, really sleeping so carelessly on an outdoor hammock?
But when he realized, Li Sannian waved to the people behind him, preparing to lead his men to capture the Regent and throw him into prison. However, Wen Liangyu stopped him with a firm grip.
Li Sannian was taken aback, but he saw the displeasure in the little emperor’s expression as he made a “shushing” gesture, signaling them not to make any noise. Then, he silently approached He Heng.
How could Wen Liangyu not notice the changes in He Heng? Faced with this drastically different “He Heng” he became even more curious. In fact, he entertained the idea of wanting to “keep” him and see what else he might do in the future.
As he approached, Wen Liangyu noticed the labels that He Heng had placed on the cages of those small animals:
“Suitable for Steaming”
“Suitable for Braising”
“Suitable for Stewing”
“Suitable for Stir-Frying”
Next to the hammock, there was also a delicate iron stand about half a person’s height. Tied to the stand was a brightly colored and charmingly shaped macaw.
As Wen Liangyu approached, the macaw flapped its wings and started squawking,
“I’ll sing you a song!”
It sounded like the quacking of a duck with heightened tones.
Just as the little emperor was curious about how He Heng had taught the macaw to sing, the bird continued,
“I’ll sing you a song! Don’t eat me! Don’t eat me!”
Wen Liangyu: “…”
It turns out the bird was scared by him.
The macaw had quite a voice, but it still didn’t manage to wake up the person on the hammock.
He Heng was sleeping soundly on the hammock, with a copy of the “Tao Te Ching”2Tao Te Ching (Chinese: 道德經; pinyin: Dàodéjīng) is a Chinese classic text and foundational work of Taoism written around 400 BC and traditionally credited to the sage Laozi, though the text’s authorship, date of composition and date of compilation are debated. resting on his head. The cold winter wind blew through, tousling the strands of hair at his temples and prompting the little emperor to wrap his coat tightly around himself.
Wen Liangyu had been sensitive to the cold since childhood. When winter came, his hands and feet turned icy, and he couldn’t stand the cold. He couldn’t understand how He Heng could sleep so soundly on the hammock with just two layers of clothing.
Moreover, who lies on a hammock reading the “Tao Te Ching”?
With this thought, he reached out to take the book covering He Heng’s face. As he lifted the “Tao Te Ching,” it immediately revealed the hidden yellow-covered paperback novel beneath.
On the opened page that He Heng was reading was a striking headline:
“After failing the imperial examination, the scholar, drunk and returning late at night, unexpectedly encounters a beautiful fox demon near the bridge.”
Next to it was a black and white illustration of the scholar and the fox demon. The content inside made Wen Liangyu blush involuntarily.
He quickly closed the paperback novel and reached to pull up the blanket for He Heng, carefully covering him up to ensure he wouldn’t catch a cold sleeping in such a manner.
After completing these actions, Wen Liangyu turned away directly, walked back to his original position, and said to Li Sannian, “Alright, let’s go.”
Even with his well-trained composure, Li Sannian’s mouth twitched at these words.
After all that, did His Majesty lead so many people into Prince Jing’s mansion just to tuck the Regent in?
When He Heng woke up again, he found that his hammock had been moved indoors. Even the attendants who used to take care of him had been replaced, and even Tian Lianghan was nowhere to be found.
Suddenly, he remembered that, seemingly last night, he had handed over the military token to the young emperor. He also anticipated that the emperor would take action after receiving the command token.
So, with an anxious heart, He Heng chose to spend this tense and exciting afternoon lying on the hammock, reading a paperback novel to relax.
Unexpectedly, he apparently dozed off while reading.
At that moment, the door opened, and leading the group was Wen Liangyu in a black court robe. Alongside him were a few guards with blades and Li Sannian, the deputy commander of the Imperial Guards.
The young emperor’s black court robe emphasized his slender waist and fair skin. Although he tried hard to maintain a serious expression on his face, He Heng still saw a childish quality in him. It was like a puppet cat with big eyes and a pointed chin desperately trying to look fierce.
However, compared to the pale and seemingly always unwell appearance when He Heng arrived, the young emperor’s complexion now looked much better.
As he watched Wen Liangyu approaching with each step, He Heng couldn’t help but think to himself,
“It would be better if he were a bit fatter.”
Even the rabbits the young emperor raised had become plump, looking round and ball-like. Yet, Wen Liangyu showed no signs of gaining weight.
In the past hour, Wen Liangyu had ordered his men to surround He Heng’s mansion, stationing soldiers outside to keep a real-time watch. He anticipated various reactions from He Heng upon learning about this.
However, he didn’t expect the other party to seem devoid of any emotion, with an expression that suggested he had just woken up.
“He Heng, I’ve had your Prince Jing’s mansion surrounded. Don’t you have anything to say about that?”
Upon hearing this, He Heng finally showed some reaction. He placed his index finger on his chin, appearing to contemplate the matter.
After a while, as if suddenly remembering something, he hurriedly added,
“What about the animals I raise? You didn’t have them cooked, did you?”
Those tags were just a playful idea of his. In case the young emperor’s men really cooked them, then wouldn’t all his efforts in raising them for these months be in vain?
As He Heng spoke, the room fell into silence. Even Li Sannian, standing behind, scratched his head in confusion, wondering why the Regent seemed a bit less intelligent.
The young emperor first looked puzzled, then shook his head.
Sometimes he truly couldn’t understand He Heng’s thought process. His residence was taken over, his power was overridden, and the first thing He Heng asked about was whether his pets were cooked or not.
“Oh, that’s good then,” seeing He Heng’s reaction, he finally nodded in relief.
Wen Liangyu had prepared himself for He Heng’s potential anger or disappointment, but he never expected this nonchalant response. It was as if He Heng didn’t care at all.
Did he truly not care about what he did?
Thinking of this, Wen Liangyu’s fingertips subconsciously tightened, and then he walked towards He Heng step by step.
He Heng had just woken up and was leaning halfway on the bed. At this angle, he needed to tilt his head slightly to meet Wen Liangyu’s gaze.
“He Heng, in that case…” The young emperor approached his bedside, looking down at him from a higher vantage point. Unusually mischievous, he continued, “You just stay here obediently. When I feel like finding someone to have fun with, I’ll come looking for you.”
He couldn’t believe that He Heng would remain indifferent after hearing such humiliating words.
Sure enough, the next moment, He Heng suddenly lifted his head. In his deep eyes, there was a hint of complex emotions as he gazed straight at Wen Liangyu.
“Your Majesty, I have always been your male pet,” he said with a touch of complexity. “Forget about being confined to the Prince Jing’s residence. Even if you were to lock me in a small dark room, what could I say?”
With a resounding crash, upon hearing He Heng’s words, Li Sannian was so shocked that one of his hands slipped, causing the long sword he held to fall to the ground. He stood there stiffly like a wooden man, wondering how the Prince Regent had become His Majesty’s male pet after just being stationed at the border for a little over a month.
Wen Liangyu didn’t expect He Heng to start talking nonsense again in the grand hall. In a panic, he hurriedly covered He Heng’s mouth. When he met the man’s smiling eyes, he realized that he had fallen for He Heng’s tricks again. His ears suddenly felt hot, and his small face turned red with nervousness.
Having witnessed many grand scenes before, Liu Fuyuan remained calm and calmly ushered out the remaining people in the room. Then, when he exited the room, he considerately closed the door behind, leaving only the Emperor and the Prince Regent inside.
Author’s note:
Surrounded by a bunch of small animals that can sing, so Heng Bao’s true identity is:
1. A cold and paranoid regent.
2. A runaway Disney princess.
Dear readers, can we give Heng Bao another chance? Let him prove that he is a clever little guy.
