Zhuang Yi had always been someone who tended to pull back emotionally. He leaned against the door inside his room, sitting on the floor, listening to the sounds of the electronic lock at the entryway followed by the scuffing of fluffy slippers across the floor. Soon, the surroundings returned to silence.
Zhong Lin had always moved quietly. Zhuang Yi, lost in thought in the dark, was suddenly startled by a series of knocks above his head. In disbelief, he got up and accidentally rammed into the doorknob, pushing the door open.
Outside, Zhong Lin was clearly unsure how to deal with this situation. He didn’t even know why he had knocked or what he intended to say, and as he held his head, he found himself face-to-face with Zhuang Yi. At that moment, a sense of relief washed over him; the suffocating feeling that had been pressing on his heart since remembering those chaotic memories disappeared. A touch of sourness in his nose, Zhong Lin lowered his head and apologized to the alpha in front of him. He wanted to say that he was sorry for forgetting the moments they shared and for his previous indifference.
They really must have been in love; he was sure he would fall for Zhuang Yi, not just because Zhuang Yi had saved him, or because he was physically attractive and his ideal type, but because Zhuang Yi had pulled him out of despair and self-loathing. Zhuang Yi had never used the narrative that an omega needs to be pampered to console Zhong Lin. Instead, he told Zhong Lin that victims should not feel shame or blame themselves; it’s the perpetrators who should be punished.
It’s a pity, he thought, they must have shared many happy memories, all of which he had forgotten. He had believed a document without discussing it with his partner first. With a sigh, Zhong Lin’s voice lowered, “Boss Zhuang, I’m sorry about us, I…”
Before he could finish, Zhuang Yi suddenly cut him off, his voice anxious, “Wife, I…I haven’t eaten yet, I’m a bit hungry. Could you…make me a bowl of noodles?” As he spoke, his voice became choked up, and his hand on the door frame trembled.
“Oh, okay,” Zhong Lin swallowed the rest of his words and hesitantly turned towards the kitchen. Was he really that hungry? Hungry enough to cry? Zhuang Yi really cries a lot, he thought.
Watching Zhong Lin’s retreating figure, Zhuang Yi felt a chill run through his veins. Why was Zhong Lin apologizing? Was it because he had found true love and was finally ready to let go of him, or worse, was he about to ask for a divorce?
Their prenuptial agreement stated that they would not interfere in each other’s personal lives and that after one year of marriage, if either party found someone they truly liked, they could freely exit the marriage, and the other must support their decision without pressuring them over familial benefits.
Zhuang Yi slowly stepped out of the room and stood by the sliding door to the kitchen, watching Zhong Lin busy himself. He couldn’t hold back the tears in his eyes. It had been so long since he last ate a meal cooked by Zhong Lin. What he missed was not the food but the person who used to treat him kindly.
He had been wrong, too late.
There was a year when Zhong Lin no longer knocked on his door or initiated conversation.
There was a time when Zhong Lin used to knock on his door daily, just after they started living together. The reasons were plentiful: the bathroom plumbing was faulty, he couldn’t figure out how to connect the data cables, or he didn’t know how to use something. Zhuang Yi, who disliked people who were not technically inclined, found this omega annoying; beyond a pretty face, he seemed utterly useless.
Once, after Zhuang Yi replaced the batteries in a remote control, he frowned at the omega before him. Zhong Lin’s eyes were bright, his smile appreciative, almost coquettish as he thanked him.
Zhuang Yi felt annoyed and responded without mincing words, “Instead of thanking me, you should improve your self-reliance and practical skills.”
“I hope you learn to think for yourself and solve problems, rather than always seeking help. It’s not that I mind helping, and you can always pay for various services, but no one likes a decorative vase; at least, I don’t. I hope you understand.”
After saying this, Zhuang Yi couldn’t remember how Zhong Lin had reacted. By the time he realized that the omega had stopped bothering him with trivial matters, several months had passed. His door was never knocked on again.
But what right did he have to call Zhong Lin a vase without ever really getting to know him? Just three days ago, he had finally taken the time to listen to Zhong Lin’s compositions and discovered that the omega he had brought home was a well-known rising star in the industry, responsible for the end credits songs of many popular TV dramas.
Everyone has their weaknesses; he was a poor cook, his meals hard to swallow. He had been too arrogant, too rude. What if, on top of that, Zhong Lin had liked him?
Those knocks on the door were just attempts to spend more time with him. Zhuang Yi, who never took the initiative in relationships, knew all too well how taxing and painful it was to constantly reach out without reciprocation.
Zhong Lin hadn’t used to cook, but he changed after being hurt by his words, silently trying to improve and be good to him.
He had been wrong, and now the long-delayed reckoning was upon him. He was ready to face the consequences, yet he truly didn’t want to let go.
Instead of the noodle dish with two fried eggs and spring onions that Zhong Lin used to make, he prepared a quick bowl of instant noodles. In just a few minutes, it was ready. Eating what might be the last meal made by his wife was heart-wrenching; he couldn’t taste anything. Zhuang Yi stuffed food into his mouth, tears dripping into the bowl.
“Ah, I forgot to add the seasoning packet!” Zhong Lin suddenly realized that Zhuang Yi’s bowl was devoid of even a drop of spicy oil, and felt embarrassed. He had made such a simple dish, and it was so bad that it brought Zhuang Yi to tears. Jumping down from the stool, he started towards the kitchen, “Let me make another bowl for you.”
Before he could step away, Zhuang Yi grabbed his arm, “It’s okay, just sit with me a little longer, I’m almost finished.”
Zhong Lin obediently sat back down.
Zhuang Yi ate slowly, chewing each mouthful thoroughly, but eventually, the meal was finished. He kept his head down, not looking at Zhong Lin, and spoke with difficulty, “Wife, I’ve cheekily called you ‘wife,’ but you never responded. I never thought about whether you liked me calling you that, it was all my fault. I haven’t protected you or cherished you. I’ve occupied the place of a partner, calling you ‘wife,’ but all I’ve done is hurt you.”
This self-reflection stunned Zhong Lin, who had been gazing dreamily at the handsome man across from him. Where is the harm? You saved me! He was immersed in the emotion of being saved and the joy of being married to the man he loved, dazed until he realized the person opposite him was in a bad state.
Zhong Lin’s face turned red with embarrassment and guilt. He didn’t dislike being called “wife.” Because of his recent coldness, Zhuang Yi had started to doubt himself. At dinner with Pei Jue, Zhong Lin had confirmed that there was no messy, chaotic relationship or some childhood friend-turned-lover misunderstanding.
It was he who had not given his partner enough security, both before and after his amnesia.
Filled with remorse, Zhong Lin softly explained, “I’m sorry, uh, husband.”
He tried responding to Zhuang Yi, calling him with a shy term of endearment, his face flushing as Zhuang Yi incredulously lifted his head.
“I never told you, but I was hospitalized for a while after I had a car accident that injured my head.”
“What happened!” Zhuang Yi’s voice broke with alarm, forgetting to savor the moment. He got up to check on Zhong Lin, “Where are you hurt? Why didn’t you tell me?” He stopped mid-sentence, realizing how could he ask that when he had never cared for Zhong Lin.
As Zhuang Yi checked him over, Zhong Lin, embarrassed, buried his face in Zhuang Yi’s chest, his voice soft, “It’s nothing serious, just some bruises. There was a decoration in the car that hit my head, and there’s still some bruising.”
The embarrassing terms of endearment soon became familiar.
“So, I forgot a few things,” Zhong Lin cooed, nuzzling Zhuang Yi’s shirt collar, “I’m sorry, I only remember you saving me, I haven’t remembered anything else yet.”
Zhuang Yi held him tightly, overwhelmed by a mix of sweetness and panic. It was like riding a roller coaster, his emotions fluctuating wildly. He had soared to heaven only to find that this heaven was built on a fragile illusion. All his past harms and coldness were not yet in Zhong Lin’s mind.
“So you shouldn’t always reflect on yourself, my recent coldness was because I forgot, not because of you, husband. I think we’re supposed to be very loving,” Zhong Lin said with sincerity and happiness, his pheromones comforting. A lovely mutual affection had turned into a sad drama because of his unfortunate amnesia. Buried in Zhuang Yi’s chest, Zhong Lin took a deep breath, longing to regain his memory quickly.
“It’s because I wasn’t good enough,” Zhuang Yi shook his head.
“Let’s not talk about that now. It’s just unfortunate I forgot our past stories, but it doesn’t matter, we can do all the things we used to do together, all over again!” Zhong Lin looked up, batting his eyes at Zhuang Yi, shamelessly acting cute. Zhuang Yi’s heart raced, and he couldn’t resist leaning down to kiss Zhong Lin’s beautiful eyes.
“Mm.”
The things they had done together…what things had they done together? Zhuang Yi, you really are a terrible person. He cursed himself inwardly, unable to resist the allure.
Zhong Lin didn’t know that he had once acted cute towards Zhuang Yi, only to be met with disdain and a lecture in return.
